Not Going To Live Without Sex!This is an excerpt from a letter I wrote to him a few months ago, but didn't ever give to him. I have decided to give it to him soon. We are already living apart during the week due to my job promotion. I dont think he will even mention the letter after he reads it. He will just act hurt and victimized, but I am hoping that I feel some empowerment.
...I am doing a lot of soul searching about my life and where I want to be. I have accomplished a lot and I have a lot more that I want to do. As I have taken stock of my life, I have come to some conclusions that I want to share with you. Some of this may be difficult and shocking for you to hear, yet, it is only fair to you that I am completely honest with you.
This year will be the 7th anniversary since we've had any sexual contact. I always feel that it goes by unnoticed by you. I admit I don’t understand how you can continue to not even acknowledge it. Since we never talk about it and you have made it very clear that you will not discuss it with me, all I can do is share with you how I feel and what I plan to do.
I don’t intend to ever pressure you or push you to do or feel something you don’t. On the other hand, you don’t get to choose for me how I feel. I still very much crave the closeness and intimacy that sex brings. I have never lost my desire, but I have put to rest any sexual desire I had for you. I KNOW that we will never be together like that again. I have lost all of those kinds of feelings for you. I have lost all hope that it will ever change. I guess you feel relieved to know that… since you are no longer under any pressure.
I know we have both thought a lot about divorce and how that would play out.. I don’t think either of us can find it in our hearts to do that right now. I am in a very tough place to be. I want and crave sexual and emotional intimacy very much. As hard as this decision has been for me, I have decided that I will seek sexual intimacy outside of our marriage if I find someone who is in a similar situation. I won’t sneak around behind your back, so that means I will tell you if you ask me if I’ve been with someone. I can think of no other solution. I have been thinking about this for quite some time and I can think of no other solution for me because I do not intend to spend the rest of my life not being touched or made love to.