Next Week

Next week, I start looking for work again. I'm ready to rejoin the world and make some money. I'm ready to get out of this sexless marriage and move on with my life. I know there are steps to take before I get there. Hiccups. Road blocks. Trials.

I know that my husband will stand in my way. I know that life is more comfortable than ever for him now. I'm cooking great food again. I'm active with my son - taking him out, shouldering most of the childcare burden - but enjoying it more. I'm making almost no demands on him. He has all the time in the world to play D&D. He spends more of his waking hours on that than work, household chores, spending time with our son or spending time with me. He's a selfish jerk and I'm enabling him to be so.

Just this week I was entertaining a visiting cousin. We were running late, but having a good time and I asked my husband to pick up my son from holiday club. He didn't want to. He said he needed to go swimming. But there were hours before he needed to pick up the boy. He did it, but there was a lot of whining and complaining. This is the first time he's done so since May.

I know that I won't get any support from my family. I know my mother will be more concerned with how it looks than how I feel. I know I will be portrayed as the bad guy to his family.

But I also know that I want a happy and healthy relationship. And this isn't one that can be revived. In a year since I've expressed my deep, deep unhappiness he's never once asked what he could do differently. He's never expressed any notion of fault or any desire to change. For the sake of my health and my son's well-being I think I have to take firm steps to go.
elkclan elkclan
41-45, F
10 Responses Aug 27, 2012

I know that its hard to live this life the way you want to live, since the world has derived the constrains that have no lasting happiness, may be you are happy with what you want to be like in your life, the rest of the world can go to hell. Because its your life and you get it once. Go for it and best of luck.

Go Girl!

It takes time to make these kind of decision, but I do think that you are right. Your H is selfish and inconsiderate - do what you need to do for your own happiness. It won't be easy. Ignore your mother she isn't living your life - so what does she know.

Good luck in your job search and for happiness...

Tell us how you're going to look for work.

I want to change sectors. I'm easing back into things....I'll apply for a few positions online next week. I'll start attending schmoozing sessions. That sort of thing.

Elk, the fear of it is worse than the reality. I'm stepping through the exit too, and I keep thinking it's too much to deal with. But none of the steps I've taken so far have been as bad as the anticipation. <br />
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The alternative to pushing through the scary parts is staying where we are - and we know how that turns out. Be afraid, its natural. But don't let it stop you from doing what you need to do. <br />
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Cheering for you!

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”<br />
<br />
― Nelson Mandela<br />
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You can do it! In my experience, it actually gets much easier once you dump the dead weight. The hardest part is deciding to.

Good for you!! You sound determined. You can do it.

I think you do too.<br />
You don't sound fearful.<br />
Rest assured, there is nothing to fear.<br />
Good luck!

I'm massively fearful. Petrified.

You don't come across as that.
What are you fearful of?

elk, I can relate to feeling of being petrified.

I'm thousands of miles away from family support networks. I'm worried about the hard grind of it, the lack of money. The continual wrangling with a hostile jerk instead of just a selfish jerk. I'm worried I won't find anyone else. That sorta thing.

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