Recovering Self-esteem/ More Side Effects Of Sexless MarriageOne of the worst things about a SM is that it destroys your self esteem. Being out now for three whole months, and starting to go to college, I'm noticing that my self esteem is recovering. Part of it is a change of viewpoint. But I think the large of it is simply that I am not criticized on a daily basis, nor am I feeling rejected by anyone.
And it made me notice some things.
As I've been a low-self esteem person for awhile (thank you, ex wife), it attracts friends who like to talk down to you, who like to put you down. Funny, when you have low self esteem, their comments are comical, and feel like an affirmation of what you already feel to be true.
But when your self esteem changes, at first, the comments cut. Then, you wake up, and realize that you are not surrounded by people trying to be a friend, but by people who enjoy cutting you down because it makes them feel powerful.
And quickly, you realize - I don't need friends like that! Not one ever loving bit. How is it I was friends with these people?
To me it was a wake up call. Having faith in yourself, and looking at the positive aspects of your decisions makes a real difference in your life. I feel I often put up with less than I needed because I didn't think I deserved any better. After all, my post-wedding adult life has been one where I was surrounded by such friends.
But it works like this - when you have low self esteem, you attract people that reinforce that image.
This is the first time in my life where I have said, "all right, that's it, I don't want ANYTHING to do with these people! They are bad for me."
I remember someone here once said that people with high self esteem will simply cut out people that bring negativity into their life. For the first time, I'm not willing to put up with a bunch a baloney just because someone will be/has been my friend. Three strikes, you are OUT.
The more I think about it, the more I feel liberated by severing those ties. I've got too much positive energy for friends that put me down, dragging my mind back time and again to places where I feel like a failure - when really, I did everything in a positive way.
Other side effects - my memory is increasing. My sex drive, after some fluctuations (seems to go into overdrive during a change of environment...) has evened out and returned to normal, and slowly, I feel less and less like a needy person. The occasional fits sorrow are massively diminished, I've not shed a tear (or needed to) for several weeks. Anger is occasional and random, and not even about my marriage anymore, but about something else, and it is slowly fading into the background of a fresh start.
In short, I don't feel like the old me. I feel like a better me.