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Is Your Spouse Like Mine?

Kind Hearted
Easy Going
Lacks Empathy
Clueless about Emotions
Passive Agressive
Great Father/Mother
Hard Working
Selfish
Manipulative
Defensive
Bottled up Inside
Kinder to Strangers than to You
Bad at Communicating, but
A Master of Twisting Words
Interrupts Conversations
Misreads Facial expressions and Tones
Always Busy
Avoids Confrontation
Pretends Everything is Okay
Non Reactive to Tragedy
Complaining
Excitable and Hyper
Forgets What You Say
Intelligent
Compulsive Shopper
Addictive Personality
Bad at Prioritizing?

These are some of the traits I would use to describe my husband. I realize that some of them may not seem to fit with each other, but I think they are accurate, nonetheless. I am wondering if others can relate. Are there certain personality traits that contribute to our situations?
Liziloo31 Liziloo31 31-35, F 16 Responses Aug 30, 2012

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I'm wondering how many who read the listed characteristics recognize them in themselves? I feel like a freak (and a bad person). ;)

No, none of these traits make you a freak or a bad person. I myself have a lot of them at times! They are just stronger and more pervasive in my husband. They show up in him at the most inappropriate of times.

Well described,,,,,i have met some people you couldnt even describe them since you could not even reach their feelings ,,,emotions or even their souls to understand them.

Wow you just described my wife....So sad for us both, I still have kids in school plus divorce is way too expensive for me at this time. Have not had sex outside the marriage yet but it has been a couple years and I just wish I could find a FWB.

Thank you for all the comments, and to those of you that brought up Passive Aggressive Personalities, THANK YOU! Everything is so much clearer now! For others whose spouse displays these tendencies, seriously, read through this: http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/passive-aggression

Those are desc<x>riptive words for my husband. Also an addictive personality. Also avoids intimacy, avoids relationships, has acquaintances but not friends. <br />
<br />
I sometimes wonder if he has a personality disorder.

Eerily familiar...can say yes to almost all.

Good lord mine has more than half of those attributes...

Yes to most. Classic case of a Narcissist.

This is almost a textbook desc<x>ription of Passive Aggression, except for the shopping and excitability. Read this: http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/Pass_Agg.htm

Holy crap! That is him!

That's what I said when I read it!! Fits to a tee, unbelievable. I showed it to my H and he put his head in his hands and said, "Oh my god, that's ME." I read a couple really helpful books about it. I recommend "Living with the Passive Aggressive Male." It explained EVERYTHING.

hey, this describes my wife to a 'T'<br />
yep, on this very planet !

me me me me (waving hand FURIOUSLY)

Read up on narcissistic personality disorder. As well as passive aggressive behavior. You will find alot of info. You should hope that you do not have my situation being a co dependent person married to a passive aggressive spouse. It's not good. If you reach out to a good psychologist to work on identifying any of your personal problems it will jelp you get right to the root of your situation with your husband and of all things you will get your answer as to how did i pixk this guy?guy

Read up on narcissistic personality disorder. As well as passive aggressive behavior. You will find alot of info. You should hope that you do not have my situation being a co dependent person married to a passive aggressive spouse. It's not good. If you reach out to a good psychologist to work on identifying any of your personal problems it will jelp you get right to the root of your situation with your husband and of all things you will get your answer as to how did i pixk this guy?guy

I've read quite a bit about NPD, and he's not even close. I know that it's sometimes taken with a grain of salt around here, but he really is a good and decent person in many ways. He has a very low self esteem, ADD/ADHD, and problems with addiction. Interesting thing though, my father has NPD. I married someone that I felt was his complete opposite.

Many times we marry our parent.
I've married my mother.
Twice.

lol! Funny how that works out! The longer I am married to my husband, the more of my father I DO see in him....although thank God they're not exactly alike.

Also, please know I laughed at your wording, not your situation. I definitely feel for you.

I didn't have a dad - he left when I was 8 months old as he wanted me put in a home because of my distorted knees! Thank God for my very strong mom!

Liziloo31: I know.

Alljackedup: So I looked into passive aggressive personalities a little bit, and wow, how right you are! It fits perfectly.

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Yes to almost all of them. And I've spent a lot of time thinking about those traits, whether he can change them, how they drive me crazy, and on and on. I've finally (mostly) gotten to the I point where I'm focusing on my traits that got me here in the first place, and kept me stuck for so long. Ultimately those are the only personal characteristics that I have any control over.

I think about that too....what in the world made me choose a man that is so emotionally and physically unavailable? Why is the thought of leaving him so terrifying? I most definitely have some traits that I need to work on!

Smart call

With the exception of passive aggressive I'd say you have him spot on!! that's so weird!! It could be that you've hit on something...at times he's all of the above. xxx

I think you're talkin' (mostly) about me.