The Changing Tides

The last two months have been filled with change. I have been here for 15 months and I am tired. Really. Tired of hashing it out, pleading and begging for things to change. Tired of wondering why he doesn't want to change, why he'd rather play tennis and is not interested in sex. There are many reasons why this is a great site, but one that has been invaluable to me is to write my stories, get feedback and then decide the hell with it. I am at the latter stage.

So we have slept in separate rooms for two months, gone to our separate attorneys, started new bank accounts, gotten credit scores and appraisals. I have been house hunting. And as I swung outside this afternoon watching the the traffic go by I thought "I'm happy."

I am happy even though I will be leaving the comfortable house I can't afford with the buyout. Happy to live off my meager hourly wage (and his alimony for awhile),happy to deal with the friends of ours who will be blown away, and even be happy to finally tell our beautiful kids. I will most likely be three miles away with more custody. Not much, but a little. I am happy not to constantly be thinking of our relationship and not to go to bed lonely. Now, I just go to bed alone.

My STBX and I are getting along better. In fact, we get along so well it is a shame we will be apart. But we are both relieved. I am relieved because my heart feels free. He is relieved because he is not held accountable. I am seeing the nice side of him. Not the controlling, vindictive side that doesn't know why he dislikes any form of intimacy. He just doesn't.

I went to the bank today to cash my check into MY new bank account. I had just gone to MY attorney's office, before I met MY real estate agent to look at more houses. And who do I see standing two people in front of me but my STBX. He waved. I smiled. I was seeing a friend, but not a husband. I hate to say that he doesn't love me, but he doesn't. He is relieved for it to be over.

Next week we will hash it out with the lawyers and hopefully be officially separating in October. I honestly can't believe I feel this good about change.
golferel golferel
41-45, F
12 Responses Aug 31, 2012

I cannot wait to be in your shoes, well done. Although I am afraid mine will be a bit messy.

Taking control of your way forward, your happiness and your future, is a good place to be. You will have hurdles, but you will be able to jump over them. You will continue to grow stronger. Be proud of yourself, most of all, love yourself. You will succeed.

At first you feel good before the whole thing is through but i can tell you when you live in the reality of the situation and now you have to accept the truth that you have divorced its not that easy.The first days and weeks wont be that easy but with time everything will be ok just be strong and a good mama to your kids.

taking control of your life is empowering, liberating and well deserved~ congrats on reclaiming your life!

Been there. and can relate to the feeling of being "happy". It's a long way through valleys of depression and sadness making way for peaks of happiness and relief. Keep your relation with SBUX....don't break it..:-)

Good for you. Life is too short.

Great news Golf! Your persistence and your patience have brought you to this good place. Your willingness to undertake your Exit Plan and to remain committed to being your authentic self have resulted in the satisfactory resolution of your situation. <br />
<br />
Don't be surprised if you have times of grief in the future. It is because of the "what might have been" rather than grief for what you actually had together. Expect it, and come to us on ILIASM when you need support for that.<br />
<br />
And please contuinue to share your journey with us. I truly believe that the stories of those who have "made it through" (regardless of how they achieved that) are invaluable for those ILIASMers who are currently "stuck" in their situations.<br />
<br />
Congratulations!! {{{Hugs}}}

This is good. :)

Wow. It is so nice that you can be amicable in this. Best wishes to you.

I am so happy for happy! Xxx

Congratulations.<br />
<br />
I wish, I wish, I wish I was living separately too.

Yay for you!<br />
<br />
Congratulations on moving forward with your new life. <br />
<br />
Empowerment, courage, freedom.....I bet you are feeling a mix of the positive emotions that seldom get mentioned as we hash out the misery of leaving on this board. Be aware that while your emotions may fluctuate as you move through the change, the further you move along the process, the more steady the positive aspects of the change become!<br />
<br />