While in the grief support group a nice young man and woman came one night to write a song about the grief experience. Sean posed the question, What is grief?' My immediate response was "It is like being pecked to death by a chicken."

I started relating what I said to being in a SM. There is the first peck. Ouch! This hurts but it has only made a sore red spot on my leg and I can live with this. I was pecked because the chicken had a hard day and everyone has those. Not so bad.

Then the second peck happens in the same spot. Another ouch but no blood has been drawn so I can live with this. And then the third and fourth and fifth and on and on and one is left with an open wound. I can apply ointment and a band aid over this and still function. I can walk and do my job and I can live with this nasty chicken's pecks.

Time moves along and the pecks keep coming even though I try to tell the chicken how much I am being hurt. The chicken refuses to stop pecking my leg. The chicken does not have the capability or want to stop hurting me.

After some years of the chicken's constant pecking, I am left with a gaping wound that will not heal. My shin bone is visible and I am in danger of losing my leg! Ointments and bandages are no help because the constant pecking will not stop!

I realize that I have two choices now. I can continue to allow the chicken to peck at my leg until sepsis sets in and I lose my leg and possibly my life or I can remove my presence from the chicken and start to heal my body and release myself from the constant pain that I am feeling.

It is a slow death and can last a very long time only if I allow this to continue. Being in a SM starts with tiny pecks of one's soul. Bearable for a time but eventually the wound never heals. Then it is time to make some hard or easy choices depending on how much pain one can bear.

I realize now that living in a SM is like being slowly pecked to death by a chicken. A long process that only the victim can bring to an end. Peace,D
dartist dartist
56-60, F
13 Responses Sep 4, 2012

Or another is like a parasite, living off a host. They take enough out of the host to survive, but not enough to kill it. Yep, that pretty much describes my EX, a leach.

I wrote this analogy because it is such a slow insidious thing that slowly robs us of a part of who we are as men and women. How many years does it take to be pecked to death by a chicken? A loooong time. It is up to all of us as to when we throw the chicken out of our lives. It may not be the chicken's fault after all. It does this by instinct to survive and does not care what damage it does. It is being fed and is happy with no regard for it's victim. As one commentor mentioned, cockerels too do the same thing. A bit of humor but also an analogy for living in a SM and I thank all of you for your comments. Peace,D

Yes, I agree. At some point that decision has to be made. I feel that is the crux of this whole topic that we all are grappling with. I know it is for me. How long do you wait before forcing the issue with the refuser about seeking help and therapy? Are you strong enough at that point in time to make that difficult decision if they refuse to seek therapy together? How many nights I've laid awake at night pondering that topic? I'm sure we all have. All I can say is God bless us all and help us find the wisdom and patience to make the right decision for us.

So very very true xxx


The chicken is scared of intimacy! Fry the bird!

What<br />
a powerful<br />
analogy...<br />
damn chicken!<br />
I'm slowly but<br />
ever sooo surely<br />
taking my leg back.....<br />
wonder if it'll ever <br />
completely heal?<br />
joyinthejourney, clg

Chicken soup..........:-)

Excellent analogy! You've captured how I feel.

It is a slow death of the soul ...

Excellent analogy! At some point, even if the chicken truly tries to stop pecking (and it can't really stop, because after all it's a chicken), you realize that you'll never be able to trust it not to re-open that wound.


rated up, D!

Excellent analogy. Except the cockerel in our house doesn't peck at all. ;-)