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How I Overcame The Sexless Marriage

Guys, I would like to share my experience with you. I am a 32 year old female and when I was newly married I had a huge sex drive but my husband wasn't really into it (as in every day or every 2 days or even once a week). This caused so much unhappiness in my life and I used to question myself and argue with him constantly. Trust me..it was so bad that I even resorted to suicide. I hated him for this.
Since having a baby this year, I have lost my libido and we have not had sex for over a year..but I am so happy living like this for the rest of my life. Now he is very frustrated although I must say is handling it better than how I did!
I feel like God has answered my prayers..how I used to wish that I lose my libido so I wouldnt feel so angry! I now keep myself busy with working full-time and looking after the baby in the evenings. I wouldnt say I have the best marriage as he does as he wants and goes to the pub 3-4 times a week. But I have faith in God and I keep myself so busy with work and home that I dont have the energy to argue or even the time to conspire or think.
I would only ever leave this marriage if he would beat me or have an affair which to be fair he isnt.

So to all of you, have faith in God as good things happen to good people, keep busy and work hard...xxxx

bluepearl01 bluepearl01 31-35 25 Responses Sep 4, 2012

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I had my tubes tied 7 years ago, and I'm not too keen on the idea of having another baby, so that isn't an option for me. Thanks for the post, though.

This story is deceiving. You didnt Overcome a SEXLESS marriage, you just STOPPED having SEX. isnt that still a SEXLESS MARRIAGE?

Thanks for your feedback guys. Well ok, sorry if I offended anyone for saying I would pray to God. Well I am such a happier, confident and joyful person since my little baby came. I have never been so happy in my life, its just turned around completely. My husband and I still do things together..like going out for dinner, watching a film and working on the house &amp; yes he goes to the pub 3/4 times a week, and he doesnt stop me from socialising with friends. He never really had a high libido anyway..sometimes he does get a little annoyed but its not tragic. Yes I tried everything in the book from counselling, talking to him, mediation..but some people you cant change. But I believe that rather than looking at others..look at yourself and looking after no1. Humans are never content..if they have money, they want more. Contentment is always what I have ever wanted.<br />
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My baby is very healthy and always smiling not to mention sleeps all through the night and is very active. I look at life from a new perspective...look at the positive points in life and enjoy, life is all but temporary. I do understand that my baby will be a grown up some day and want to do his own things..I havent thought that far ahead but I have a passion for doing charity work and that may be possibly what I will end up doing. You know, I have friends who do charity work and they are the most happiest and content people I know. <br />
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Thanks again guys, your comments are food for thought..I wish all of you the best in life.

Nature pulls back female libido for about two years after having a child to provide space between children. Don't expect it to last and don't be so helpless as to believe it's "God's answer to your prayers". You're in a mismatched marriage. How about facing reality instead of playing fantasy god-loves-me-more revenge games with your spouse? Yay, you're thrilled about his discomfort now - not exactly "nice" behavior, but an honest telling as to the level of personal repression you're dealing with. Please wake up. Without resolution this will eventually chew apart your entire family.

Nature pulls back female libido for about two years after having a child to provide space between children. Don't expect it to last and don't be so helpless as to believe it's "God's answer to your prayers". You're in a mismatched marriage. How about facing reality instead of playing fantasy god-loves-me-more revenge games with your spouse? Yay, you're thrilled about his discomfort now - not exactly "nice" behavior, but an honest telling as to the level of personal repression you're dealing with. Please wake up. Without resolution this will eventually chew apart your entire family.

"Nature" has pulled back my wifes libido after 1 year of marriage.

That's sad for both of you. Do you know why she's lost her desire? If not, find that answer before assigning blame and punishment. It's important to pinpoint the REAL answer, and not the one we create within to make ourselves feel better about being ignored. There are so many possibilities. She may be ill, gay, hyper-religious, asexual or have other physical or psychological problems that can or cannot be remedied. She may not find your lovemaking interesting due to any number of valid or seemingly ridiculous reasons. The source of the loss must be discovered -- only then will you be able to take steps towards remediation.

this is a terrible story...as are most in this subject... i dont think that is part of gods plan...sex in a relationship is so important...if he is at the PUB all of the time...what is the purpose of your being married...he should be at home helping raise your child and working on your relationship...the 2 of you need counseling...before one or the other finds someone else...we all need the emotional support...who holds you when you are struggling...who helps you when you fall...sex isnt everything...but the intimacy in a relationship is so important...good luck to you

I did not really understand the whole issue..could someone explain, as to what exactly is the scene......sorry but surely I wish to state in what I feel.....

Congratulations ! <br />
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For overcoming your sexless marriage for having a baby ! <br />
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For men it's not that simple of a solution for desiring intimacy more. Thought you had a solution for both sexes not just woman ! <br />
<br />
Thank You !

I couldn't help it....<br />
"I feel like God has answered my prayers..how I used to wish that I lose my libido so I wouldnt feel so angry"<br />
Why didn't you pray for your husbands libido to come back instead?<br />
Just asking..........

All any solution has to do is work.<br />
Work for an hour, a day, a week, a month, even a year.<br />
<br />
Eventually ALL solutions fail - leaving you to RESOLVE the core problem.<br />
<br />
For that reason, you always need to have your NEXT solution in do-able shape, because the old solution WILL ultimately fail. And when it does, you need to have you next solution ready to go - OR finally, get onto RESOLVING the core problem.<br />
<br />
I am glad this "too busy to think about anything else" solution is working for you at this time. Where you are going to hit the wall is when the busyness abates. And it will. And, now you have another festering problem potentially - your husband now thinking of YOU as the refuser. That ain't good and is not a matter over which you have any control.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Ok I caved in and want to say something.. If anyone is trying to figure out their sexless marriage, this is NOT the way to fix it. This is unrealistic. Unless you want to be celibate and alone.

I have faith in God, but that doesn't mean I have all the answers. Bad things happen to good people too. You may not want to hear this, but I think you are just trying to convince yourself that you are now satisfied living in a SM. Ask yourself this, do you think you can remain celibate for the next 30 years? You are going to have a lot of time on your hands when your baby gets older and goes off to school in about 3 years, and then graduates and leaves you with an empty nest in about 15 years. Trust me, time goes by fast. I'm not trying to be nasty or insensitive... I have 3 children myself, and they do not fill the sexless void in my marriage.

This is NOT God's plan for marriage - your husband is being UNFAITHFUL by not sharing his body with you just as surely as if he was screwing every ***** in town. Its in the book. <br />
<br />
http://oneinjesus.info/books-by-jay-guin/but-if-you-do-marry/<br />
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various marriage blogs from a "Christian" perspective:<br />
http://www.christianpost.com/blogs/marriage<br />
<br />
Sex and the Spiritual Christian<br />
http://bible.org/seriespage/sex-and-spiritual-christian-1-cor-71-7

Faith ????, for over 45 years I have been wondering about faith and how could God let 60,000 men and women die in Vietnam and today 18 veterans commit suicide everyday. I just don`t understand faith.

i hope things work - but i don't think you have found the real solution - let us know, but you will want it again - just sayin - good luck to u both

Wow. Communicate and be honest with one another and make the effort for each other. I don't think I'd ever pray to lose my libido. Its a natural and wonderful part of me! Sexual intimacy is a vital part of a marriage and too many couples it seems, fall to the sterotypes of "oh we had a baby" and "oh I'm so tired from work". Get a baby sitter and go to the pub with him or make time for other "date nights"...it might bring new light to the marriage :-) Good luck...

I'm staying out of this one.

yup, not touching this one with a 10-foot pole....

Me neither. Im not sure I can believe this post. Is it real....(?)

I used to try to alter my libido but it is usually useless. You are made the way you are and if things go back to normal then they will be as they once were. You have a bit of a reprieve on your need for intimacy partly because you are holding and loving a baby. They take a lot of time and physical closeness. Make an exit plan just in case!!! I wish you every good thing there is for your life.

You may have failed at suicide, but you have succeeded at martyring yourself. Good job.

Uh yeah....this lack of libido thing might not last much longer. I had a baby too. 6 months of adjustment is what I needed then libido was back big time. And the pub problem? At 9 months I had to limit my husband to twice a week because I knew it would set a bad example for our child and getting hammered that many times a week is not even healthy (although yours might just be drinking coca cola) and not acceptable in a marriage. If the shoe were on the other foot he would be livid if you went out to a pub 4 times a week!

Chances are your Libido will return and said husband will be long gone screwing somebody else.

Are you serious?

This "solution" is wrong on SO many levels. Living with a spouse whom you resent (as you obviously resent your's) is going to wreck the marriage. If you resent him and want to get revenge on him, you should leave him.<br />
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This is a TERRIBLE environment for your child to grow up in. Do you want her/him to seeyour marriage as the model for his/her own marriage? In other words, do you want your child to learn that Mummies get their own back on Daddies and Daddies resent Mummies????<br />
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God has little to do with this. You need to understand that your hormones have altered since you had the baby - and in time, they will alter again. If you have always been highly sexed, it will not be many months before that returns. By then your husband will probably have turned away from you forever.<br />
<br />
If you value being married then seek guidance from a Counsellor. If you don't care if your husband is happy or not, do the right thing and LEAVE him. You are a young woman with the rest of your life ahead of you - this is NO way to live a happy life. By the time you are forty you will be a resentful, bitter and unhappy woman. Your baby deserves a better mother than that.

Well, I guess counter refusing is one solution. Payback huh?<br />
<br />
But heed here - that is only temporary.<br />
<br />
You would never leave the marriage unless he beats you or has an affair, but that doesn't mean you will remain married.<br />
<br />
See, he has the option of divorcing you - and I know that there are cultural differences, but you do live in a western country so those cultural differences about divorce might have less impact on personal decisions and outlook about the idea of divorce relative to if you lived in your parents native country.<br />
<br />
Here is the long term problem: you are creating an environment that will increase the probability that your marriage will fail over the long term. Might not fail today, might not fail tomorrow, but you are purposely engaging in behaviors that corrode the marital bond.<br />
<br />
You are torturing/driving/starving your husband out of the house (-----"he does as he wants and goes to the pub 3-4 times a week.") - and those behaviors are not loving behaviors. Those are behaviors that spouses engage in when they DO NOT love their spouses. <br />
<br />
If you don't want to be with your husband because you hold onto pain that he caused you previously - then, instead of engaging in marital sadism to the extreme within the context of marriage (-----"but I am so happy living like this for the rest of my life. Now he is very frustrated') why don't you simply divorce him? Or get counselling to try to come to and understanding and HELP your marriage?<br />
<br />
WHY are you harming your marriage and your husband on purpose?

I hate to break it to , but chances are your libido might just return with a vengeance. as this soounds temporarily hormonal. <br />
<br />
and losing your libido isn't the answer. it doesn't change the dysfunctional dynamics in the relationship.