I Thought I Had Seen Everything And Then...


My kid had taken some pictures with an old digital camera in the house (one he is allowed to play with. There is an old SD card in it. He asked me to download the pictures on to my laptop, since he just took a nice picture of an insect outside. Soooh....I download the images on the card to my PC and the the thumbnail images came up. There are several old shots on the card and some very (very) strange images. My kid and I sat in front of my PC looking at the thumbnails for a few seconds. He pointed at the unfamiliar objects and asked me what they were. I shrugged and scrolled down to some weird dark thumbnails when hubby strolls up and looks down at my computer screen. I am staring at the dark shots that look like...nah...nah...CAN'T BE.

Someone's...NAKED BUM?

And a hand behind it?

Hubby is turning white as a proverbial sheet. My kid is asking me where his bug picture is and what's all this garbage on the card. He hasn't realized what we're looking at. And apparently hubby doesn't think I have either as I answer my kid with a calm "Beats me. Must be some pictures of hardware...Maybe the card belonged to someone else." Hubby says something inane about "Let's get rid of those," and grabs the mouse away from me. He deletes the images and says, "There. All gone. Now you just have your nature shots."

I decided to play dumb. Hubby walks away and when my kid is done looking at his pictures, I do some internet searches on how to recover images from an SD card. I download some freeware and voila! I have the deleted images back.

Later that night, after hubby is in bed, I flip though a weird slide show.
That's hubby's bum all right.

There are pictures of his bare butt and he's...putting something up there. I guess he did this in a darkened room with the camera taking a series of shots on a timer.

I am not one to ordinarily use profanity, but WTF?!!!!!

No, those things are not drawer pulls...

Didn't I read about those when I borrowed that dull, plot-lessl novel from a friend of mine? Fifty Shades of Grey? I got bored before I finished it, and gave it back to my friend. But I think it described those things in there.

No. F-ing. Way.

Okay, the whole up the butt thing is beyond me. If this was a stranger, I guess...If I was making an effort to be my usual live and let live sefl I might say...It's a consenting adult. Weird. To me at least...really weird...Whatever.

But this is the guy I married. I HAD NO IDEA HE WAS INTO THIS SH*T.

THEN...To add insult to injury...He's into taking PICTURES? While he does this to himself? 

Does he do this with other people???? How long????

Taking PICTURES? What the hell is that all about? So...he's getting off on that or sharing them with friends or posting them on some strange website???? Didn't we all think that congressman was strange for doing this sort of thing?

Yes, I am not into this sort of...amusement. Call me innocent. Call me conventional.

He can do what he wants with his bum.

So what.

He never asked if he could put anything in mine.

If we had maintained a good relationship, and he brought this up, I would have said no thanks, and he would have had to accept that.

As for him, he didn't like doing the thing that makes ladies scream in those romance novels we all read in highschool.

Though he wanted it done to him.

But being a good sport, I didn't push him on it.

As for the picture show...I looked at the files and they are a few years old.

 I thought nothing could surprise me. But...WTF???? Perhaps he has been leading a secret life where he shares this activity with others? Crikey!!!

I imagine a therapist droning on about how this is "mild." And maybe a little "unconventional."

Not sure what to do with this info. For now I'm not saying anything. The whole weird belief system made me think he was crackers, but...(or butt...) bum shots? WHAAAAT????

Any advice for me kids? I am still dealing with my special needs child and all his problems. I am in no financial shape to walk out the door with my kid right now. Nowhere to go. This is at the bottom of a very long list of things. He's a narcissist for one thing...

It's always better if the guy walks out. and he's still thinking he's special and heroic and staying with me because he's "doing his duty."  If you haven't read my other stories, you should know we have adopted a child and turns out he's bipolar, learning challenged, neurological problems...It goes on and on. Hubby thinks the whole thing was a mistake...including getting married, blah blah blah. I am working with my child on his learning challenges. He's actually a neat little kid with a big heart and with the right help he might be able to live semi-independently some day.

But I'm doing all this on my own.

Now I knew hubby was bonzo even before he told me he's into...magic. Really.

As in...wizards. Harry Potter.

Now this.

Still, we need the financial support until I get my business going. How long will that be?

NOT SOON ENOUGH.

I am speechless.

sterlingrose sterlingrose
46-50, F
20 Responses Sep 4, 2012

To msdamgoode, <br />
Blackmailing him for money because he likes to have a vibrator in him? <br />
<br />
Hell no! I was suggesting blackmailing him for money because he talks mean about their son right in front of the kid. The vibrator was just, y'know... a handy tool.

fool for waiting>>>What about when he arches his body backward from her when she sits close to him and doesn't touch her.<br />
<br />
gypsy>>> on yea I can relate...in the early days when we sat together on the love seat.... he not only arched away from me, he threw his arms up in the air to keep them from touching me...<br />
<br />
now that is some desperate moves to keep from touching the one who you vowed to love, respect and make a life with...I'm convinced something happened to him in his child hood. <br />
<br />
p/s I even timed him to see how long he would be able to keep them extended in mid air............ such a lunatic !

Maybe you are taking it all wrong and it was just ART?<br />
Not sure you'd have to post one picture or two.

Art? ART? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Thanks oceansun. I needed that!!!!!

AssArt LOL

Harry Potter??? Oh dear lawd I can only imagine where your hubby keeps his wand stored

Hmmm. Gay? Maybe a little?

I meant no disrespect to anyone.

I don't think that was disrespectful. I have had gay friends who went through the confusion thing and had once been married. They would concur with me that one's partner should be privy to confusion/realizations about sexual orientation. In this case, I don't think he likes guys, but he clearly has some anal fixations. I have since found some other pictures on a CD he must have gotten from the web. Women with these things up their backsides. Seems to have a thing for bright colors. Ewwwwww!!!!!

We all have secret desires, fantasies, dreams. Sometimes we act them out alone . The only negligence in his actions was to not lock up the photo card. What he chooses to do with his body is private and did not harm himself or you. Be kind and speak to him with respect not judgement. He is probably quite embarrassed.

Angelina: Maybe you should take that comment to the "I Love to Compete for Attention Group". Troll.

He can do whatever he wants. Explore whatever he wants. Even when things were good between us, I would not have let him use one of those things on me. If he wanted to use one on himself and he'd been straightforward (the best approach with me--people say I'm a straight forward, not a whiner. I save the blabbing for you guys- LOL). I probably would not have had a prob with him using it on himself when we were in bed, as long as there was no self-inflicted pain involved and he was really just liking it. If he was hurting himself and getting off on that, it would have grossed me out. I have limits. Pain or watching pain is not something I could deal with. Just so...

People who are intimacy averse and who see it as a problem do indeed explore things off the beaten path, in isolation and sometimes with others, to figure out how to light their pilot light again. It can be just trying things out. <br />
<br />
Nobody ever thinks they are a prude --it's all relative. ba<x>sed on what you wrote, the idea that what he did, on the face of it --makes him a sick freak, suggests to me that you have a *clear* view of what you are and are not comfortable with, and perhaps a lack of sympathy or curiosity with regard to alternative modes of sexual ex<x>pression. We all have limits and boundaries. As in, you don't need to talk to him to make your judgment on how you feel with respect to this activity, in which I don't exactly see him harming you. He made a mistake with his lack of discretion obviously, but that was clearly a mistake and, by his behavior (keeping the information from his wife who would surely attack him for it, and deleting the pics immediately and never mentioning them again), I would suggest that there was no malice intended.<br />
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As others have pointed out, there is indeed an errogenous zone there in men. I don't know specifically what was put up there, but there are personal devices that are designed specifically for pleasuring this area in men. I'm not sure of the source of personal offence to YOU, if there is an aspect of his personal sexuality that he wanted to explore alone, without you. Or do you feel that he owes you that?<br />
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I would be curious if the pics are indeed taken by timer (which suggest that he was alone), or if the camera angle changed at all. Do you suspect he had company? There is also the question of why a picture of it? I would think the pic would be for either his personal use, or to share with someone else. If it was to share, would then speculate for what purpose? Personals ad or lover- worst case. Or perhaps a low grade Internet exploration and fantasy, without even pics exchanged.<br />
<br />
In either case, it appears to be a complete breakdown in respect in the marriage. You detest him as a partner. And while there are a million questions to be posed and explore between the two of you about this -- which, in a functional communication dynamic, might be an opportunity to openly share about sexual ex<x>pression and discovering new things between you -- instead there is no communication on either part about it, and seemingly more judgment than curiosity as to what it means.

Well said,perfectly argued and without doubt good advice to heed.

Liked! I particularly agree that there is lost opportunity here to communicate...

See my new story. Maybe It will clear up a few things. You say some reasonable things, but he's not reasonable. I just want out. If he can be with "blonder, thinner, dumber, rear-end-sticker-upper, and be a happy camper and agreable ex, I'm all for it. I just need to make sure my kids needs are met and we aren't living under a bridge. My kid's needs are many (too many) and I can't work a conventional job. Gotta be there for him. All the best! and thanks for your comments.

Well if you look at what he did with a digital camera in private and what you're doing now exposing his most intimate moments,then I think that perhaps you should speak with each other,because from what I can see is anger and frustration from both sides,including you child.....ah! yes! including your child! Children simply imitate their parents,so if he's Bi-Polar and has flare ups and odd moments,then look at what maybe happening between you two.<br />
Any anal itching or desire to insert is sometimes caused through anger,what is he angry about,his life,his job,his parents...ask him.And why do you find a software specially to recover pictures and sneak look at them whilst your husband is asleep,isn't that a form of intrusion into a private place? You didn't mention deleting them again,so you too are drawn into a perverted area - secrets! Now you express disgust and hatred for your husband,but that's not all,you're seeking justification through the comments that other EP members have,could you imagine your husbands reaction to all these comments?<br />
So with all that,you sneaking back into the deleted pics,him hiding his true desires for pleasure,(He wasn't cutting up your clothes on those pics,just seeking pleasure),your boy who saw what he saw and no-one is explaining to him anything which must fire up his emotions and make things worse,both of you living in secret places,your anger,his anger......oooh! I think you all need a holiday,never mind the finances,just get some oxygen soon.<br />
And if you really want more intimacy with a man,never throw insults into his face,never undermine his self esteem,as we are very fragile creatures,more than you would ever think.......just cuddle up to him one night,make him feel safe,slowly get him hard,then jump on him and rub your ***** in his face.......he'll be more than a father afterwards,he'll kiss your footprints,drown in your words and offer you more than you've ever dreamed of.........you're not using your female powers if you have time to complain about him.<br />
<br />
Behind every great man there's a woman,who's behind him?.........NOBODY!<br />
If you leave him,or he leaves you,there'll be an enormous void,and no-one else will be able to fill it,your kids will feel it and things might get worse.<br />
<br />
Delete your anger,and don't use any software to get it back!!!

#FAIL

So am I a pupil in your class of 'Life'? Do I need extra tuition or have you no time to mark the papers other than 'FAIL',what was the exam? Is there no red writing to explain why?
You're not the only one in a 'Sexless Marraige',there are more men suffering in these senseless conditions than women,so turn down the volume and smoke something nice!
'FAIL'.....I'm tittering as I read.

Let me get this right. She's the denied and he's the denier. She's not using her "female powers" to turn him into something he's obviously not willing to be turned into? How's this for female powers - she said this in an earlier post:
"...he didn't like my clothes...could I wear flowered dresses with ruffles...Ewwwww....but I did, even though I'm not a girly girl...and well...NOPE."
THAT didn't work. So you suggest she cuddle up to him and rub her "***** in his face?" Really?? What about when he arches his body backward from her when she sits close to him and doesn't touch her - doesn't react to her in anyway - oh wait - maybe he does react. He says, "Now what?" looking down on her with a head on a neck that's arched further back even than his body letting her know just what a pain in the *** she is. What about that? You don't think she's been supportive enough through her long agony? My friend, you don't have a clue. Let me say it again only this time add a double whammy: #MajorFAIL

I disagree. I think there are a lot of valid points to Bandulu's post. Yes, I don't agree with putting her bits in his face, nor do I agree that there are more women than men that are refusers...but there are some valid points here about secrecy.

Ah great! a reaction,positive or negative,at least now I know why I'm a 'FAIL'.
Maybe her husband was already gay when she met him,perhaps he was keeping up appearances for the family? Also we don't know why they had to adopt a child,perhaps she couldn't have any,men go strange when their spouses can't have kids,perhaps it was his problem and he's ashamed of himself,therefore he can't accept her approaches.Sounds like he has a problem with women in general if he doesn't like flowered dresses and is critically severe with her dress sense? We don't know everything,just from her point of view,like if I were to say that I have the same reaction from my lady when I snuggle up,a rebuffed sharp elbow,turns her head when I want to kiss,falls asleep before I can even begin a conversation,looks away when I talk to her.......we all have and experience what it's like to be rejected.

But I've read alot about all these traits with partners,and I've come to the conclusion that some of us are victims of 'Narcissic Perverts',basically it's about charming,intelligent people that enjoy destroying the self esteem of others until there's nothing left but and empty shell.
The victim is usually unaware until it's too late,in this case,me,her maybe you?
Denial,blaming others for your own short comings,heavy critical insults,degrading others...etc. We just don't realize until we're trapped,then we become to despise,hate,get horrible feelings,emotions run wild and it's the start of a long drawn out end because we believe that it was something good at the beginning but infact it was nothing at all to start with.

I spoke of 'Female Powers' because perhaps that's what I dream should happen to me,that's what I would like...I feel like a pain in the arse sometimes,with endless contradictions as I speak from her,everything I do is wrong,even if I'm right....but I dream on and wish for the day when things will turn out right,but deep down I know that they won't.

Read some of your stories my dearest and I can see that you too are angry,but I have found a secret weapon against anger,low self esteem and doubt........
.....going to give me a whammy 'FAIL' for that too?

P.S.I do understand the plight of a sexless unison for a woman,it's dark.For us men it's muddy...what to do?

No I won't give you a whammy FAIL for that too. Good points - hope springs eternal.

Gosh! no detention today,I can catch the bus home!
Seriously; I've been in a car crash due to someone driving wrecklessly even after many warning that I gave her,I've asked myself the question why some people,men or women,fight to get our love and attention and then throw it all back in our faces as if we've hopelessly failed.
My secret is loving myself back,yes,'Loving Yourself Back',every insult,every negative incident,every stabbing emotion,find yourself compliments and love yourself back.It can start tonight,or this afternoon depending where you are....just look around you,see what joy you bring into other people's lives,call friends or family that are always happy to hear your voice,look at some of the things you do and start a 'Self Propaganda' book.Don't keep the 'No Sex' high up on your list,because that's just them using it a a weapon,dismantle that weapon and go and sing with the local choral choir,paint a picture of yourself,doesn't matter if you're not an artist,love yourself........and you'll see how wonderful life gets WITHOUT the need for praise from your partner,he needs your suffering to exist,STOP suffering and he'll cease to exist and you can learn to fly. I started this a few years ago when I realized that my partner needed someone to suffer,as it avoided her being the victim,now I'm a colourful joyful,popular guy with who,ME!

I can see that with your Irish blood that you're a passionate poet at heart,so get some words down....you know that since I've been here on this site I realized that I could write,and knowing that I draw too,I've decided to write a book! It's going to be about all my stories but illustrated.And I can tell you,I really don't feel like a half wit,an idiot nor a loser as I'm treated daily,simply because I love the person that's inside my body.No need to heed the scorns of anyone who is outside my body.

I did enjoy some of your rather lofty ideas and concepts,make great reading.
Question; What does a 'Whammy Fail' look like? I mean,I'm trying to visualize what I could draw for a 'Whammy Fail'??

LOL "...he needs your suffering to exist,STOP suffering and he'll cease to exist and you can learn to fly..." &lt;-- That makes sense! Whoever writes a book abt thus subject is going to have a runaway BEST SELLER on their hands (if they can write.) Let me ask the group - Are there any books abt this? I mean fiction - not self-help books. So you were in a car accident after you repeatedly warned her - do you think she was trying to do you bodily harm?

Maybe a thumbs down for #FAIL and maybe a bruised and swollen one for the #WhammyFail

I know it's possible to get airborne again because I can remember what it was like to fly...just get out all your old flight plans and study them,pictures of when you were with your friends at school,when you were the way you really are deep down.
Yes a book can be done,or exists already,yes we can attempt to shrug off that oily feeling of being manipulated and downed,the book that I have the intention to write will even have illustrations in it,diagrams on how to 'Fly'.It might be a mix between fiction and fun.
To reply to whether the person was trying to hurt me,the hurt comes when that person doesn't car if what you say is right or wrong,so I was already hurt before the crash...it wasn't a very serious crash but a crash all the same.The bidily harm came from when she pulled out a knife and cut me,no not stabbed but cut....but I am a great healer,in mind body and soul!!!

She cut you? Do you think she wishes you dead? Would she profit by your death?

Cut you? CUT YOU???? Geeze. Get outta there. Fly outta there.

No she would not profit from me not being there,as I do contribute alot to her well being.The incident with the knife for me was a kind of infantile gesture,when I think of what was said and what happened,but the danger was there except I said to her that if she wa going to pick up a knife then she'd better use it.....I was rather provocative,anyway it was more of a scratch that bled than a wound gushing blood.
It sounds quite dramatic but it wasn't.

The thing to remember is that when couples separate,the real cutting and wounding is done to the kids,and that takes whole lives to repair,if ot never!
My determination is to stabalize,prepare for the kids,and then I'll get my one way ticket out....not before.

10 More Responses

He took them w/ a timer? You sure about that? I'm curious what his behavior will be like/was like the next few days. Report it back to us - if you will!

what program did you use to rocover the pics?

maybe he is wondering what it is to have a **** up in his @@

Could be, but I'd caution anyone from thinking that's the only impetus for males to insert toys. Gay, bi, bi-curious, hetro-flexible, or straight, all men have a bundle of nerves there. It really hasn't got that much to do with wanting an actual penis there. It's about hitting a pleasurable spot.

Thanks for the biology lesson. If anybody likes that, go for it. The picture thing made me wonder who they were for. I think posting naked pictures on the internet is weird. Creepy. Sorry if y'all are into that too, that's just my opinion.

if i was confronted with pics like that... i too would think it was creepy, more so if my spouse isnt having sex with em.. my mind would run a mock!

For me there is a pretty big ewww factor. Not everyone thinks so. Next time he ****** me off, I might hand him Granny's rolling pin and tell him to figure out where it should go. There's also that lava lamp in the attic...and the old umbrella stand...

rose ur my kind of people!

Before internet I found some polaroids of my girlfriend doing some nice things all by herself,now if they'd fallen into the wrong hands,what could she or I say?
People have been taking erotic pics ever since photography began,to post it on the web now is so anonymous that it really doesn't have any impact,so wierd or not,it's just part of the immense web.Life is sex,without sex there'd be no kids remember!!!

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Hmm...I'm curious to see what others have to say about this. I see a couple of notable issues. You have very specific and restrictive views on sexuality. Not a big deal if you're married to someone of the same ilk. Sounds like you're not, though. Sounds like he's forging out on his own, rather than succombing to your beliefs. Which leads to the next issue...clearly intimacy is lacking in your marriage. He's not comfortable sharing his desires with you. <br />
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Even if I didn't think it sounded like fun, I would want to know EVERYTHING that could potentially please my partner. Just sayin'.<br />
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Best of luck with this.

I can't help but see a connection between your financial worries if you divorce, and the fact that you possess very unflattering visual evidence of him doing something that he probably wouldn't want seen by attorneys, secretaries, an alimony judge...

Gee, are you suggesting blackmailing him for money because he likes to have a vibrator in him? Really??

Good lord, I hope that's not where this is headed. My own vibrators could be used against me next...

The judicial system ignores just about all proclivities. I wonder what the impact would be of a spouse revealing a sexless marriage?

Cause for divorce: "Husband refuses sex with wife."

POW!

Actually the absence of sex is still grounds in some states.

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1. 50 Shades was pretty horrible, I read it all the way through. I'm thinking of reading the sequel just to see if she takes back the MacBook (I'm an Apple fan). But if anyone can tell me if she does and could spare me the endless lick lipping and inner goddesses - I'd be most grateful.<br />
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2. I don't think his particular 'thang' is spectacularly outrageous. In fact,...well, never mind about that. Pretty careless leaving the SD card around though.<br />
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3. I completely feel for you on discovering he has a sex life which excludes and denies you. Many of these male refusers like to get off all on their own. Maybe they can't handle the intimacy. When you're still hanging on to hope, it is enraging.

Fifty Shades was bad writing with very tame bedroom kink. Yes, the MacBook came back.

Agreed that finding out that stuff can be traumatic no matter the form, but I think the "kinkier" the desire, the harder to share in an environment where one could be potentially shamed. Doesn't matter if the other issues eclipse all that, anyway.

So this aspect of his (this is a stretch) character isn't all that weird? Photographing one's behind is just as conventional as putting items in it? All rightie...Analogous to a woman with a vibrator, sort of...But still strange to me. Anyway...I can't get my head around the slide show. And wonder what he's been doing with the pics as I said. No interest in him as partner anyway, so when I can get away from him, hope he finds somebody who likes this crap. Really. All the best. Meanwhile, I'll be handling the grown-up responsibilities and having no life while he figures out what he's going insert next. Sheesh. Anyway, you make some thoughtful points. Thank you.

Pheww! You spared me the sequel.

Me too!

Yes, it's very much analogous to a vibe, but a little less socially acceptable than vibrators have become these days. The pics are not something which would get me off, but men (in general) are very visual - so he's probably intended using these pics as visual stimuli. That it's on an old card means that it probably wasn't a super exciting stimulus. I totally get that your husband is a jerk. But in my mind his proclivities are a side issue. But if you think this can be a successful wedge to get him out - best of luck with it!

Bravo, elkclan.

{clapping}

The author of Grey has sold more books than Rowling. Sobering.

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"...It's always better if the guy walks out...," and why is this your thought?

Cause they leave you the house BAHAHAAA

Yeah, there is that, but that can also be done without him walking out. I'm proof!

The person who leaves (in most states) is usually at a disadvantage in the divorce. Guess I should have said that instead. Msdamgoode--glad it worked out for you. Maybe my hubby is evolving sexually. Goody for him. That is the limit of his personal growth, if you will. Seems apt for a a**hole, anyway.

my x was the one who left and he got the good end of the deal

Better yet - they die. Then you get EVERYTHING.

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Maybe he knows you would react EXACTLY like this...with disgust at his sexuality. Hum? Ya think? There is nothing wrong with his desires. Men have a prostate. It's very sensitive and some guys are highly aroused by having something inserted. But if you're going to react negatively to something so basic and common, then I'm sure he feels very suppressed.<br />
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Photos are something men also very commonly find erotic. This isn't exactly some weird fetish. But if you thought Fifty Shades was dirty, then you might want to examine why that is.

I could see this from your viewpoint, if this was a relationship where this sort of thing was part of the bargain. It never was with us. And it never came up. He never expressed an interest. I think some honesty from him up front would have been in order. I'm not a prude and have a healthy sex drive. He was never a very good lover at all. Not in the conventional sense or otherwise. And he was the refuser. Not me. I needed to be thinner (was already). Suddenly needed to have long hair...Wear girly girl clothes...If he was into this stuff, then knowing me, and that I live and let live, he should have known that he could bring it up and I would have said "sorry, not for me," when we were dating. He's the one who was dishonest and looked for a more conventional female with a strong sex drive. I always wanted intimacy more often than he did. He made all sorts of excuses and they just piled up as time went on. I thought Fifty Shades was mostly horrible writing...and nothing but weird sex, though it wasn't "dirty" or shocking. I know lots of people liked it. Just not me. Anyway, I know normal people are into this stuff, but I guess the whole taking pix of his rear with a thing up it is even weirder than liking something up there. But as I said, I live and let live. Lots of things make him an awful person, and a poor excuse for a father and weak, self-involved man. What he does with his backside is purely his concern. But I see your point.

Well, I'm confused if you feel that way, why you called him a "sick freak". Men have a, pardon the pun, butt-load of nerve endings in the prostate. This could be something he has recently figured out, or it could be that he was sure you'd react negatively. People's sexuality is more fluid than that. It can change, and perhaps his fantasies grew into this, or maybe not. Doesn't matter if you already aren't in love with him, tho.

Used to be in love with him. When he decided he didn't want to be a father anymore that made me lose the last shred of anything I had for him. This just adds to the list of his weirdness.

well, I can only hope that in time you can see it as something other than weird...think of it as, what if your clitoris was located "there"? Because that's how men describe it. As well, prostate massage with a vibrator or ***** is sometimes even prescribed medically to reduce prostate enlargement, and which can help with impotence.

But as I said...none of that matters with your current husband if the other issues are the main impetus for leaving. But don't be surprised if another man feels pleasure there too, or desires that, because it's so common. Good luck to you, for what it's worth, I know how jolting it can be if you're not prepared. I do wish you all the best...

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Umm...<br />
I'm going to guess my first thought of getting him in the dark and surprising him with a strap-on isn't gonna go over well with you ...;O.O;...<br />
The kids...really, REALLY don't need to know about this...I mean, there are just some things kids are better off not knowing...no matter the age.<br />
...Like the time my mom had a steady boyfriend...I was in my 20's and living at home...and I was told "Leave that spraycan of Redi-Whip in the fridge alone!"<br />
Um, yeah...<br />
Either you've had enough, or you have not, but there's clear evidence that he has sexual practices and tastes that he's told you nothing at all of...meaning communication is kind of...dare I say it...A$$ backwards...

I agree kids have no business with it, but it's pretty obvious that was unplanned. But I think with a reaction like that, communication is stifled because he's aware she'd be disgusted.

A strap on would be a better response.

Well...I just am prepared to do all but a very few things to make a partner happy. My problem seems to be mine does not want to be made happy...

It seems like a basic mismatch in the OP's case, methinks.

so was I ... I would have gone pretty far to explore his fantasies. Except his fantasies turned out to be laziness. He simply didn't care about pleasing me, despite my willingness to please him.

I was prepared to do most conventional things to make a partner happy. Hylierrandom, you are probably more open-minded than me. This guy didn't want to be made happy either. Just made excuses. He needs someone who is into that other stuff. And I need a million bucks so I can walk away. Then he can go find her.

Yeah, I read up-thread about him shifting the goal-posts, always defining it as your problem...weaselly behavior.

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You aren't bothered by what he does, but you are bothered that he took pictures?<br />
oooooooooookay?

OH YES!! I am bothered by it. But since I don't care anymore, he could paint his willie purple and call it performance art for all I care. I think he's a sick freak. But taking a slide show? Doesn't that make it weirder? I guess I should make it clearer that it's the whole package.

sick freak?? Really?

I have half a social-science undergrad...so I'm...um...amused. Not at you, but at him for (a) taking naughty pictures in secret and (b) very obviously forgetting where he put those naughty pictures. Not the sharpest tack in the drawer, there. I am also (c) relieved the kiddo is not scarred for life by realizing what and who those images were. *passes the eyebleach* I hope you will be able to laugh at this after the divorce.

If you have been looking for a trigger to end your situation, you just got delivered it.<br />
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If you ain't looking for a trigger and are simply going to suffer onward, then this revelation is essentially useless.<br />
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Use it, or forget it.<br />
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Tread your own path.