More about having seen everything....

Hi kids! Boy, lots of comments. Thanks for your feedback, whether or not you think I have something up my you know what, or my husband does, or both of us...

First let me say that I that I recovered the pictures because I was wondering who's bum was in the thumbnail. DH gets makes "friends" at work who flatter him. I hear about how they are blonder, thinner, dumber...He says he doesn't sleep with them, but he gives them stuff and I found out that the last one "borrowed" some money. He said it was from his personal account so what was the big deal, right?

Anyway, I was wondering if that was one of his friends in that shot. That's why I went after the freeware. My kid didn't understand what he was seeing. For a moment, I thought I was looking at the moon. Really.

I concluded, based on lots of things, that the guy is a narcisist or has those tendencies. We used to be closer, but he decided he has been screwed by life and he deserves to have fun. Nevermind that I am dealing with a seriously challenged child single handed. DH doesn't want much to do with him. He consented to the adoption. Was all over the kid when he was a cute baby and daddy worshiping little tyke. But those days don't last long. DH behaves himself and acts like a dad when his own father is about. Bless my father in law...a good man. The measure of a partner for me is not to be "there" when things are is to be there when things are hard. He has not been. Not for a long time. Even tried to talk me into placing our child into foster care becuase he no longer wanted to deal with somebody else's kid. I heard all about how he would be living the high life if he had stayed single  and not had a kid.

To which I said, screw you. There's the door.

He went on and on about gearing up to leave. Then he saw what it would cost him. Trotted back and said he would "do his duty." And ... he's stuck.

You can't decide you aren't a father in the middle of the game. Not if you're a real man.

So, feel sympathy for his repressed sexuality if you like. He's the for one who kept it a secret. I wanted a sex life with him. I never sat about expressing disapproval for people who did things that seem off the wall to me.

The only thing remotely like that was that, like my sister, I wanted his issues of Playboy out of the house, when we became parents, because I didn't like how it portrayed women. I didn't make a big stink about it, but he readily agreed with me.

He agreed with me about that and a lot of things, because he wanted to marry someone like me. Not as attractive as the blond who got away (apparently). She was too pretty and would have cheated on him. I was honest and would make a stellar mother. I was also informed that he didn't really ever love me. He wanted to get married so he wouldn't be alone.

He also lied about being a wizard or whatever the hell he's calling it now. He belittles the progressive church I have always attended, where he used to go to social events and where he used to have friends. Suddenly these folks are only worthy of his contempt.

So who has been dishonest?

If you see my other stories, you will see that I tried to engage hubby. There was a time when I would have wanted to know everything that pleased him, even if I didn't want to do it. But even when things were good, he never made that sort of effort towards me.

I'm willing to take responsibility for my part in how things went wrong. He isn't. Right now I need the financial support he can provide and so does my kid. Things are hard with a kid with so many challenges. We have no refuge.

Thanks to the varied round of opinions, I respect all of them, even the ones that say I haven't been supportive of his sexual preferences, etc.

 I concluded I am wasting my energy on this. I don't have enough to get around. Nobody needs to see the pictures. A lawyer would laugh. They only might be of interest if they are part of some long term adultery. No, I would never blackmail anybody. Not even a snake like DH.

So, whatever. He thinks I'm an idiot. O


And he can stick anything up there he likes. So, up yours, DH! Knock yourself out.

 Love all the comments. Gets me back to earth. and to those of you who are into the same thing DH is (the sexual part, not the being a jerk part)...I mean none of this as a assault on your character. What an adult does behind closed doors (not hurting anyone, animals, kids...) is none of my business.  For all I know, the math teacher down the street is into bondage with his lovely wife. If that makes them happy....Cool. I just don't want to know about it.

Later kids!
sterlingrose sterlingrose
46-50, F
8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

Sterlingrose. First you are a courageous woman. You are seeing the facts and accepting them. That is a place where a lot of us struggle!! Second you are busy taking care of your child.. Another responsibility where much time and love are needed. I like bazzar's thinking. You just need a plan. Act in your best interests.. Blessings will follow you. I think of you and your situation and wish that I could do more.. If he is a narcissist .. Please be careful. They can be dangerous when crossed. Take care of you!!

Do you want out or not ?<br />
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If you do, you have something to bribe / threaten him with independent of the judicial system to get the job underway.<br />
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If you don't want out, then these photo's are useless to you.<br />
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Tread your own path.

He would just deny they are his pics. Anyway, I am not the sort to do blackmail. YES, I want out, but I'm going to have to do it on my own.

...Yeah, I can't respect someone who adopts, then decided the kid is -oops- too much of a pain in the a$$, and, oh, that's not MY kid...<br />
Nope...That's BS. I'd say that shows a dreadful amount of selfishness and immaturity. But narcissists, if he is indeed one... never grow up. Like giant toddlers.<br />
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I suspect getting child support out of him is going to be a nightmare, because...hey, power, control...yeah.<br />
...Sympathies on having to put up with him now and in the future.

Many couple divorce after having children, MANY, it has nothing to with the kid,
it's a stressful job, and not many can survive the lifestyle.

Yeah...but this guy was wanting to send the kid to foster care, and totally wash his hands of him...I can understand divorce, but I can't respect people who walk away from their kids entirely. Because it hurts the kids pretty badly.
Divorce does not equal walking away. You can divorce and still be there for the kid.

There are plenty of parents to kids with special needs who head for splitsville when it gets too difficult. I suspect he blames his wife for this mess, and looks to the decision to have kids as her idea. Was he onboard or did he have to be convinced?

He also lied about being a wizard or whatever the hell he's calling it now..<br />
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i really had a good laugh at that comment.... i can sooooo relate..... my guy also has a wand, its even certfied with its own velet

It it a Harry Potter movie prop, or does it really possess magical properties? Just wonderin'.

I just asked him, he said it from the
Harry Potter store"Alivans" from the movie, it supposedly does have magical energies. comes with instructions, how to treat / handle it..




2 More Responses

Interesting that I am in a similar situation....adopted child he claims to love but doesn't want to support... changed completely from before we were married...but I'm stuck as I need his contribution to the strong xxx

Sterling, I hope you understand, my comments from before were not intended to cast you in a disparaging light. My own marriage went off track, with similar behavior, after we had a year and a half of hell following a a preemie baby, and a wife with her own issues who was overwhelmed and likely should have ejected. That, too, included an infidelity on her part, with very similar behavior to what your husband is exhibiting. <br />
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I'm not sure what to say, other than perhaps you both need to sit down, with as little rancor as possible, and discuss what you have --what is the real relationship the two of you have, and not necessarily with intent to save it. Figure out what the two of you have, presently. <br />
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I highly suspect that you are presently in an open relationship of the don't ask don't tell variety. He is obviously cheating on you. You obviously hate him, and likely you both blame each other. <br />
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Anger in such a situation can be useful insomuch as it may propel you out of your present relationship. If you are trapped for the moment, though, it is an impediment that prevents you from working on an alternative arrangement where you might get what you want as well.

Would be logical if I was not dealing with a narcissist. They can be dangerous and unpredictable. My plan is to get some of my own income flowing before I exit. I am hoping I can do very well he'll exit, amicably for the sake of my kid. I want the child support paid on time. I can act like a good sport. Hell, I've been doing it for years now. If I do what you say without any power (money is power with a narcissist), I would get screwed. And no, I don't mean that in terms of restoration of our sex life. And I don't take any of the comments here personally. That's why we are all here, right? To vent.

he will have to help his child with some type of compensation, its the law...

Hang in there!! I had a son with dyslexia and spent many hours trying to help him. As I have now read more of your stories if your husband is a true narcissist .. The less you share the better off you are. They can be dangerous and difficult. So I will be thinking of you and your son!!<br />
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How to Get Money to Leave Your Husband – Tips for Trapped Wives<br />
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I saw this on one of the boards or somewhere here - someone else contributed it but here it is again!

Thanks! I'll have a look. I keep having dreams about him getting struck by lightening on a golf course. And he doesn't play golf. Though if you askedhim to play, he would say he's an expert.

Why would he say that?

This death wish thing is more prevalent than I suspected. See my post yesterday Death By Spouse. Maybe you'll laugh! Hell, everything I read here is more than I suspected!