2 Years Without!

Hi, I live in a sexless marriage with my wife. We are 29yrs old and both work full time. Our sex life started off so well then after 6 months we got engaged then married within 12 months. We moved away from all our friends to another state after getting engaged which was hard for both of us.

Our emotional relationship is very strong and we communicate very well also. We love each other and hug and kiss on a daily basis which shows this.

We both take great pride in our work and are becoming respected in our respective careers.

My wife is an insomniac which has removed her from the bedroom most of the time so she can watch TV in the next room. She takes medication for her sleeping problem which the doctor believes stems from anxiety issues.

I have tried to bring up our sexless lives in conversation but she tends to through it back at me.

I have resorted to watching **** for stimulation because I can't find any in the relationship. I never was interested in **** until recent yrs as i never had the need!

Is there anyone who can share some advice?
bgangles bgangles
26-30
10 Responses Sep 5, 2012

Let's get this clear - for you - repeat. No sex for 2 years. When you measure in years, you have a marital emergency.<br />
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Which she, apparently, is not interested in solving. Nor for that matter, do you seem (yet) to be in a place where you are ready to take action. Reading a bit more here may accelerate that time so you don't look back over more years of desolation, wanking to ****.

One piece of advice I would like to add... DON"T get her pregnant until these issues are resolved.

Right on, but I would amend that advice to: DON'T GET HER PREGNANT!

Quick review.<br />
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Everything was great until a bit of pressure was applied to the relationship by the engagement, and the relationship cracked a bit.<br />
A bit more pressure via getting married and the crack widened. The relationship was not up to withstanding (and strengthening) from a bit of pressure.<br />
More pressure came on when you re-located. The already foundering relationship split further. And what you see right now is what the truth is.<br />
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In a functional relationship, a bit of pressure strengthens and consolidates the underlying quality of the relationship.<br />
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In a dysfunctional relationship, a bit of pressure opens up the underlying cracks, and exposes them starkly.<br />
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Pressure does not CAUSE problems. What it does do though, is to EXPOSE problems that were already there.<br />
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Whether there is enough foundation in your relationship to make it worthwhile trying to work on a totally new construction is the question. If you two were to see an ob<x>jective 3rd party like a counsellor, you might catch a clue in this regard.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Stop the ****. it can become a crutch. Making your situation just bearable enough to stay when without it, you would be more motivated to have a healthy love life. Replacing a healthy appetite for intimate connection with two dimensional relief is not ideal for you, I'm sure.

Stay away from p$rn as your soul mate. It is a slow slide and hard to recover from even if you leave your spouse. You really need to work this out now, make Decisions as a couple and go from there.

I totally understands how you feel......I'm in the same situation......same age and my husband has the same sleeping issue......he gets angry though so I often stay up trying to calm him down and I only fall asleep after he does.<br />
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Not having physical contact is becoming unbearable so I try to keep busy working and I go to the gym often to get rid of the frustration. It really hurts getting that hug with no sexual passion.....<br />
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At first, I tried to fight it creating the right atmosphere but it only worked very few times. Now, I just shrug my shoulders and do something else....it hurts but it's not my fault.....<br />
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I know it's bad to say this but I feel like the only solution is to find that chemistry with someone else.....I never thought I would get to this point but I have no choice. Hope you find your happiness.

You do have choices here. All of them suck but one needs to be made. You can continue living the way you are suffering in silence, or you can make one last ditch effort to lay your cards on the table with her about what you expect from your marriage. <br />
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If this option fails and she refuses to acknowledge any of your issues you do have the option of seeking out a Divorce Lawyer have a free consultation and find out your rights. Where you go from there is up to you.<br />
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I suggest you read up here and absorb any information and advice you think is relevant to your situation.<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck

Don't know what to suggest but sympathise greatly with you! Xxx

Read widely on this forum. Your best education on this matter will come from reading the experiences of others in the same situation. Look at forum topics as well as stories. And go back in time too - some of the best stories were written some time ago. Once you know more about this, you can make some informed decisions.

There is a reason she turns the conversation around and does not take the tension of your conversation.<br />
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It is passive aggressive behavior. Spend some time reading up on it and i hope i am wrong for your sake.<br />
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People refuse to accept responsibility when put in a akward position means something personality related.<br />
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Try and get her to explain why she does not want to share the real reason why.<br />
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Depression and meds cause this as well.<br />
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If you dont get in to learning all anout her issues and possibly yours then you will not get any answers or anywhere with her.<br />
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If you are intimidated to talk to her very frankly about it then you have some work to do for yourself.<br />
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Get a good psychologist for yourself and they will help you learn all you need to know for sure.<br />
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Its a tough deal and you don't want ro do what i have done and that is wait for so long to get the right help.<br />
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Best of luck.

And i might ad anxiety issues are very difficult to deal with. You are sounding like i should have felt ten years ago.

I need to share my story with you to its entirety for you to get it. My wife battles anxiety and pretty much everything else as well. Private message me if you so wish.