Toe In The Water

I think my biggest fear is ending up alone...loneliness eating me up.

So...my best friend suggested I kind of "test the water," by getting out more.
I'm trying to act on his suggestion; agoraphobia is a big problem for me. But I want to get out there without her...and I guess what I will be looking for is someone glancing at my left hand.

I'm still wearing my ring, and if I felt like taking it off there's a tan line there anyway.
And that's okay.  I'm not looking to be a cheater, that's not honorable behavior, cheating.  But flirting and getting flirted with?

... I really want a social life that doesn't involve her right now, because, oh, she doesn't like this, and she doesn't want to do that.
I'm needing new friends, I've mostly lost touch with everyone by getting chronically ill and depressed. 
I'm a natural extrovert who got terrorized as a kid...and it's time to beat the fear of people back into submission.
It's time for me to go forth and find my tribe, methinks...
hylierandom hylierandom
41-45
12 Responses Sep 5, 2012

I think these SM that we are in cause the physical problems we have. I hope you are able to get out there, and take a big, deep breath of refreshing air. Get well, live well. Best wishes.

I don't know if I am putting this in the right place or not. I became delgates last October I am an introvert I am the shy quiet type I was picked on as a old,and I have mo idea why that still matters at 46. I don't know how to meet people I go out and have been to nudist resorts bit I am no good at socializing<br />
?

I'm giving meetup.com a swing...so far, so good.

Infant seperared

Hmmm I do that for photography . my issue is that I'm the quiet type and not sociable

I know what u mean my life is full of lonly ness and sorrow with no one to love my one and one and only love i ever loved left me with all the sin i dun and cazd and pian iv i inflcted to every love one livein in this drema what peoplle so call reality u no. i rather stay dead or nonigsisted trapt for ever in my head i still remeber the filling wen i had not inhell the first air of life inheald i felt so wonderful so realaxt no fear of death or life of eny kind i alway say do my sealf i rather be dead then in a life filld with nutin but pain that makes u not wont to never even live at the 1st place.

Where you from

I know what u mean my life is full of lonly ness and sorrow with no one to love my one and one and only love i ever loved left me with all the sin i dun and cazd and pian iv i inflcted to every love one livein in this drema what peoplle so call reality u no. i rather stay dead or nonigsisted trapt for ever in my head i still remeber the filling wen i had not inhell the first air of life inheald i felt so wonderful so realaxt no fear of death or life of eny kind i alway say do my sealf i rather be dead then in a life filld with nutin but pain that makes u wont to never even at the 1st place

I was married for 20 years - took about a year for my ring finger to look just like my others...and i still try to play with the ring that isn't there (old habit).<br />
<br />
I think it is interesting that after taking off a wedding ring it takes time for the evidence to go away...there is an analogy there....<br />
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You should find yourself - and enjoy the journey. Ring or no....

Cut your losses. <br />
<br />
Take the ring to the pawn shop. <br />
<br />
Hire a lawyer.

What difference is it really .... you're alone with her in your life anyway..<br />
I am with someone, but I feel more and more alone everyday. IF I leave I have more chance of having someone in my life

That's what I did! It certainly helps...to an extent. Keeps you busy; finds you other people to talk to and will likely land you some very good friends. Enjoy yourself! No more sitting home waiting for HER to want to do something with you.

I am all for building a life outside your relationship. When woman don't feel a little threatened you will leave their ***'s they walk all over yours. Independence is a good thing.

I...honestly do not have an incredible amount of hope for us remaining married...
Getting a divorce is going to be...legally interesting, to put it mildly. Real interesting.

Well then if you can see the writing on the wall you need to get an outside life. Otherwise you'll just be stuck here with all our sad sorry arses.

I have never seen your arse, Coppy, therefore cannot attest to whether it is sorry or not. :p I need RL friends as well as ones in the computer.

Fact is, NO-ONE runs your life for you, unless you allow it.<br />
<br />
I'd best qualify that with the rider "provided you are in robust mental health".<br />
<br />
I think your idea of doing the necessary work to regain a state of robust mental health is a very very wise strategy. You do that, then you will see assorted things (including your dysfunctional marriage) for what they are. And, from a basis of robust mental health, you will deal with these assorted things (including your dysfunctional marriage) way way better than you might think.<br />
<br />
Good luck on your journey.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

Yep. She's been steamrollering me for years. She's just loud...the thing is is that I was beaten up as a kid. At this point I will go for a walk if she raises her voice to me, or at the computer, or the cats, or whatever. This because she gives me panic attacks by so doing.

This is sad when it comes to this. Do try and get out more. The more you get out and about and form friends the more confidence you will grow. Eventually you might even stand up to her.<br />
<br />
Stay Strong & Good Luck

It was me getting sick that really did in my social life, but after the second sinus operation, the infection has at least receded to where I'm not exhausted all the time, and my asthma's not crippling. Agoraphobia and working evening shift is the problem now, and that can be fixed more readily.

I would say I don't need her...But...ATM, she's really the only thing I've got... If all you have to eat is gub'mint cheese, you're gonna eat the gub'mint cheese, right? So time to broaden the culinary selection, metaphorically speaking.

You are allowed to be a separate person with different interests, you know. I believe that if a relationship doesn't allow for each to be their own apart, there really isn't much to be said for the relationship when you're together. Furthermore, it has been my experience that if one or the other loses that connection with their partner, something or someone else has captured their interest.

not my experience - i..e my husband lost interest in being close to me, and there was not someone else...

She says that doing things together is how she bonds with people-you know, shared experience. I bond through talking, touching, and having sex...and now that I think about it...all three of these are activities she finds stressful, confusing, invasive, and overwhelming...Oh hell...o.O

She's always busy doing something...not usually including me. She doesn't idle well.