I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Death & Loneliness

By: tornFlower

Written on September 6th, 2012

I am tonight in my bed having the same panic attack that I have had several times before. Life will ultimately cease to exist. All my memories, passion, desires will fade away in a blink of an eye. And yet I will have that feeling that I didn't make a true connection with the one I spent most of my life with . Would it not seem like I wasted my one and only life just being sucky, sulky and aspiring that my match could have been a much better person? How will I justify it then? Would I ask for more time coz I just want to live a few more spectacular moments in my life rather than being miserable ?! I am probably too young to be thinking about death but then again I am too young to be in a sexless marriage. I think about this a lot and it takes a toll on you. Don't know if anyone here feels this way .

By: tornFlower

Age: 26-30 , Female

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18 responses

Nodifferent

You are not alone, braver to admit, but not alone.

Sep 9, 2012
1 like
tornFlower

I hear you guys. There sure is a lot of wisdom. I am not suicidal (yet) but I think about the end and what have I accomplished so far. It surely seems very small. I know in my hearts of hearts that I really need to move on but my brain says to stop and still try to work at it ! Rational vs. emotions don't know which one will win.

Sep 8, 2012
1 like
mvcmvc

Once you start getting what you want out of life, many, of not most, of these feelings will subside.

To be replaced with a confidence and zest for life that you never thought possible.

Now, what do you need to do to get what YOU want out of life?

Sep 7, 2012
3 likes
ulae

I perspired at above-average levels all my life, but the sweating and occasional breathlessness have increased dramatically the last few years. Stress-test EKG showed nothing. So the doctor suggested Clonazepam when badly needed. But I preferred Yoga and meditation as vastly superior options.

Sep 7, 2012
3 likes
theremustbeawayout

I have thought about suicide many, many times over the course of my life, right from childhood, and have thought about it in conjunction with my SM. Recently I came across this excellent statement:

"Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. "

I love how this statement gives an objective context to view the immense pain that leads to thoughts of dying. An SM can be overwhelming. If you continue to read and read in this group, you will find a wide variety of coping skills, along with the consequences of each technique, and how results will vary depending on temperament and situation. So keep reading here as the first step to developing new ways to cope. Doing just that has helped me very much.

Sep 7, 2012
2 likes
- theremustbeawayout
  Excuse me, "suicide" is my lens, not yours. But the idea still works using your term, "thinking of death" in place of "suicide:" The pain is greater than the skill to deal with it.
  
  Sep 7, 2012
  1 like
- BlueSpruce
  That is from http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ and is a wonderful resource.
  I suffered from depression and had suicidal ideations and anxiety attacks. Within one month of leaving my wife, the anxiety attacks ceased. Another month and the depression was under control. Twelve months and I was med-free and living healthy.
  IMO, the best way to cope with difficult circumstances is to change your circumstances and find new ways to cope with the change.
  
  Sep 7, 2012
  1 like
Giggled

Makes my heart cry. I know this feeling it is horrible.

Sep 7, 2012
1 like
morningteatime

I never had a panic attack in my life until I started dealing with my SM. Anxiety is the source of this physical affect. Your heart is crying out to you that something is desperately wrong but your mind is saying, "No, it'll be ok. You can fix it. He will change. You don't really need physical intimacy."

It's time to listen to your heart and move forward. The anxious feelings will subside everytime you tell your own truth. Living without intimacy makes you feel like you want to die. The warning lights are flashing - pray and keep putting one foot in front of the other. You will find your way.

All of us are too young to be in a sexless marriage.

Sep 7, 2012
3 likes
- Buroak
  Well said morning tea time. Your advice to listen to your heart is "spot on". I find it so very hard to do though - I think perhaps most men use their brains and think they can "fix" just about anything. My mind sometimes is my worst enemy with all the rationalizations that Play out there. But the heart is true and should be trusted. I'm trying to do just that - listen to my true self - the voice from my heart.
  
  Sep 7, 2012
  1 like
- hylierandom
  Buuuut, waitaminute...listening to my heart, not my brain, got me into this in the first place...o.O I should have paid attention to those niggling little doubts, but I was IN LURVE. *facepalm*
  
  Sep 8, 2012
  1 like
- morningteatime
  The niggling thoughts were your heart telling you something... the "in love" part was your hormones and your head.
  
  Sep 8, 2012
  1 like
homicorn

So am I

Sep 7, 2012
1 like
LaoTzu

For those who loved should always feel that their love given, was love well taken.

Quote by Fran White

Its your choice.

Sep 7, 2012
1 like
CopperCoil

This is like one of the biggest groups on ep. It is an epidemic!

Sep 7, 2012
1 like
- ulae
  What's an epidemic to a lay person may be normalcy for the doc.
  
  Sep 7, 2012
  1 like
Pmacphoto

Yes, there are alot of folks out here that feel and think like you do.

Sep 7, 2012
2 likes
bazzar

The fact that you are aware of what will happen if you don't act is good. Not pleasant, but good.

Now what you need to grasp (in your own time in your own way) is that it does NOT have to be that way.

Armed with as much knowledge and experience as you can get (as one resource for that this very board can play a role) you can then establish how the rest of your life to be written could be very different than your reality of today.

That, will be achieved by YOU exercising your obligation of choice.

Tread your own path.

Sep 7, 2012
5 likes

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