What Was Once Here Is Now Gone

When I first met who is now my wife it was great. She was a virgin and I was a widower having lost my first wife a little over a year before. We started dating and eventually we started having sex. She was willing to do and try anything and we were having sex every time we were together.

Then we got married and for a while it was great. We would have sex two and three times a week.

Now... We might have sex once every couple months, maybe once a month. Now I feel that I just about have to beg her for it and still it does not happen.

It's not that I don't take care of her needs... I love oral sex and I always make sure she is satisfied if she does not *** before I do. I have been willing to do what ever she wants to make her happy, but still it is far and few between.

I really wish I knew what to do to bring the sex back into our marriage. We have only been married for 5 years now and I am starting to regret getting married again.
RocketRick RocketRick
41-45, M
3 Responses Sep 7, 2012

What can you do? You're not the one with the issue. I'm quite sure you've tried everything which is how you landed here. This is not the first stop on the long SM train; this is more toward the end of the trip.<br />
<br />
The issue is hers and there's literally nothing you can do if she doesn't want it. I wish I could point you to a therapist or article or scented candle that could change things, but the ball is in her court. All you can do is be honest about your needs and create your plan to make your life what you want. It is not easy but the things that are worth it are usually the hardest. Put a time fr<x>ame on the "working on it" scenario - otherwise you'll work on it forever.

If you are searching here for a "magic bullet" solution for the problem, I can save you a heap of searching on this site, as there is no such solution on the boards.<br />
<br />
What IS here, is years of experience, a wealth of anecdotal material about how people cope or otherwise deal with the matter. From the material here you may, after a heap of hard and painful work, find your own way out of the swamp. And, the most likely way that will happen is by the very method that you presently do NOT want to consider.<br />
<br />
Welcome anyway.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

Unfortunate truth is you need a different woman...

Well I might need to be WITH a different woman but I am committed to supporting her and being married to her. I just desire the the physical contact and the sex that I am missing so much.

Divorce existed in modern world just precisely for situation like yours...
As everybody here you have exactly the same choices
1 Accept and stay
2 Outsource your needs
3 Leave

IMHO the first one involves the most suffering, basically you totally destroy yourself mentally and physically...

Choose your own...
I have chosen number 2

GibbySan and TheFullMoon,

I don't really want to leave her as I do enjoy being around her, seeing her, and talking to her. I still love her, I just miss the intimacy and the sex. I miss it enough that I am here reading about everyone else going through the same thing to see if someone ever gets it back.

The answer is NO.... If other partner does not want to do anything, the options are the same.... Usually the situation is getting worse.... Highly likely in next 5 years sex will dry out completely and you will find yourself in platonic marriage... Nobody force you to make any choice, it is your life.... Good luck in any case!

1 More Response