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Living Together For 4 Years

My fiance and I have been living together for four years now, and together for almost 5. it's so sad, but I remember the first time we made love and I knew that instant that it wasn't going to be enough.... but he was such a sweet and charming guy, maybe he could make up for it. ... and he's alright. I know I love him and care about him, but we rarely have sex, 3 times within the last 3 months. He just turned thirty, but I cannot wait for the next 30 years for him to slow down more. I'm not in anyway trying to be rude about this either. I really want to stay with him, but I NEED sex!
InNeedOfAHug1029 InNeedOfAHug1029 22-25, F 14 Responses Sep 7, 2012

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Im in that too, my wife is hot but workaholic.

you know i got a reverse problem...my girl is too slow on sex

It's not selfish of you at all...it's a basic human physical and emotional need...plus it is so much damn fun! :)

While I share this problem and can imagine a solution that would help us both simultaneously, I'll just give you some unvarnished truth. Best ways to get a guy to want more sex with you: make yourself hotter, force ******** on him even if you have to clean it yourself first, tell him you need his *** inside you, get on top and do the work if he's tired. Otherwise find another guy and don't settle just because you're too lazy to search hard for someone better.

He's similar in age to you (22-25)?<br />
He's tired all the time? (But not too tired to play video games)?<br />
You're reacting by doing more around the house so he won't be tired? <br />
You're worried about hurting him? (But he's clearly not worried about hurting you)?<br />
<br />
If someone else described this relationship to you, what would YOU think? <br />
<br />
Get out while you still can. And DON'T get pregnant. <br />
<br />
PS: My new love and I are both in our 50s. 2-3 times a week. Think about it.

He is 30 now and yes yes yes... and Idk what to say to someone else.

Hi there,<br />
I too have been with a woman who has never wanted to give me sex, I always have to initiate it. I want oral sex from her, but she constantly makes excuses jot to. It is very frustrating to say the least.<br />
This is just an example of what I am going through.<br />
Have you tried seductive acts or seducing him into having sex with you? A lot of times a woman doesn't know what she is not doing as beng the sole, or part of the problem.<br />
Please get back to me on this as I am interested in more discussion with you.<br />
Stephen

Is this what they mean when they say the truth hurts?

Get out NOW, take my and the others' advice!! I wish I had :( I too thought it would get better...thought it would get better when we moved in together, then thought when we shared a room (at first he had his "own room"!), then when we got a queen size bed, then thought if we got married, then thought if we bought a house...then thought if I lost weight....none of it, none of it, NONE OF IT mattered..only got WORSE....til we went five years without sex...

ouch... well I'm terribly sorry for you.

yep...and it started out like your situation..about twice a month, then once a month...gradually over time just getting worse and worse.....back then I never dreamed there were others out there being refused by their MALE partner!!! I always felt so alone. Thought it was me that was the problem. What a waste of time.

I just feel bad because he's a good guy.... he just thinks that I can be "controlled" I guess, in that manner. And not even in the fun way.

My husband is a "good guy" too! Hence the trap! It is VERY confusing, I know :( I guess some people could live like this...but I have too much fire and too much life in me to resign myself...the most ridiculous thing of all is that we are "old" as a couple (we are ONLY 46 &amp; 47, but together since we were 19 &amp; 20, me being the older one) but we already were an "old couple" when we were in our mid-twenties as far as sex frequency goes!!! We have other incompatibilities....but his good guy self always gave me pause.........but I am patently UNHAPPY now...the last six years....

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Is he aware ? Has he heard, from you, that you need and desire MUCH more sex than he is providing?<br />
That tough discussion will have to happen before you move on.<br />
Do you mask all that sexuality and desire in your everyday life : IE: 'the shy conservative type' ?

Nope, I tried talking to him several times and that's when he sighs says he knows and says he's just really tired. I try to do as much as I can around the house so he doesn't feel so tired. He works all day and then comes home and usually watches TV or does his fantasy football (which is FINE!) but after all of that he is still too tired. I mean, its not that he does nothing, he still takes out the trash and helps cut grass when needed...again, fine.... but I try playing up all of the roles... aggressive thru shy and everything in between. I've taken all of my clothes off and approached him (which takes a lot, bc I am not the most confident person you ever did meet..unless alcohol is involved but that's different). Anyway, no I don't mask it all, I'm desperate for sex, I don't have the patients to beat around the bush all of the time.

However, I have not laid down that this is where I am definitely drawing the line, and I am unsure of how to proceed.

This is really difficult.

but yes he is aware, I have expressed concerns with our intimacy.

Wow, and thank you for your honest reply. Difficult yes, but you can handle it.

YOU are ME about 15 years ago :( Get out, girl....you are staying b/c he is untouchable (relatively)..that makes him attractive to you...you won't ever "catch" him...in the same boat...should have left instead of marry him..............................

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I guess I just wished he'd cheat so that way I don't feel so selfish.<br />
<br />
But why would things simplify?

You can be platonic friends forever, but you need somebody else to get marry...<br />
So your choice is obvious- this man and no sex or other man and sex...

All that I can think of are excuses.... I have nothing I can think of right now.

Take it from me with years of experience with this type of situation, it's going to drive you mad and then when kids get involved it will be hell...........you don't want to live in hell. <br />
<br />
Make the tough but right decision.

Hell isn't exactly what I was aiming for. What sucks is all of the time put in...

Time put in was a great education. Now you know and you won't get into the same situation again. It'll be hard but well worth it. You only have one life to live, so go live it to the greatest extent possible. You will leave eventually, so leave now for the good of both of you.

Few more dollars to save....maybe I can pull myself together by then.

in need... thats what u will be living in, if you marry this guy, pure hell...

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You KNOW what you are going to have to do here.<br />
<br />
You are simply hoping that you've got it wrong, that there is a solution to this untenable situation.<br />
<br />
There isn't.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

Thanks for the honesty.

What you see and experience is what you get - unless he is willling to up his intimate cooperative behaviors and there is no evidence of that in your story.<br />
<br />
In many relationships there is a negative correlation between longevity in the relationship and frequency of sexual interaction. In other words, the longer the relationship the less frequent sex happens (but hopefully a deeper intimate connection keeps growing even if the time between sexual interactions grows longer).<br />
<br />
In your case, from the onset of your sexual relationship you knew that "it wasn't going to be enough". Not sure if you meant quality or frequency or both.<br />
<br />
If you want to stay with him but need sex, and he doesn't, you are going to have to make some decisions in the future.

I'd like to think he would be willing to give into my desires. But if the sex stays this infrequent I suppose I won't be able to last much longer. My body will either suffer or it will get the best of me. I'm just trying to look down all paths before I take one.

ur young.... get the hell out of dodge !