Again.. Me Needing To Vent

we've been together for soon close to three years now
and it seems there is always some excuse I never push this but I've had more sex with relationships in a month or a year then I've had in this one the whole time we've been together..

Last night she said her back was really hurting her ok I can't question that..
then today she's like my back is feeling better, but then at 7 pm she's like I'm tired.. and this is after taking a nap next to me..

I've heard about 50 rehashed reasons why not tonight maybe tomorrow..
what kills me is like today we are driving along and she say's " you look cute"
I say thank you honey.
and yes when she does try I do notice and say something..
if she looks good that day I mention it If she wears makeup I say something about how she looks good sexy etc..

I'm just beside myself cause I've been in a lot of relationships one with a girl who had severe intimacy issues.. and I understood why and we tried to work through it

this current girl has no issues never been rapped etc.. says she likes sex.. we started off great of course but that honey moon stage was very very short lived.

the last two years I can count all the times we've been romantic on my hands.. I'm getting tired of trying to ignore or pretend this is not a problem.. she's going on a trip in a week. I'm of course hopefully the time away from me might spark up some kind of passion but I'm doubtful and I won't hold my breath or dream too much that anythings going to change cause most likely it's not.

I'm too young for this... if you want me ******* take me... at least rub me or something, it takes two to tango dam it.. and Its a huge turn off for me if the only time we have sex is when I start it .. and of course lately I don't any hints that I should.
so I guess I have a similar story to everybody else, it sucks I'm getting sick of somebody telling me they love me but not really into loving me.. feels more like I'm a connivence store of a person who will pay the bills and take care of her.. and won't cheat and I don't drink and I don't do drugs.. and neither does she and I like that part.. but what the hell? can't she be more into sex? the other huge problem I have is she never say's much about her fantasy's I've asked.. her her response was.. wait for it " I fantasize about you" *rolls eyes* ok thats romantic I guess but that can't be the only thing she thinks about .. I didn't say anything negative about it I didn't want her to close off more.. but so far when I ask in serval different forms about what turns her on I'm getting no where.. . p.s it's not like I constantly bring that up either but I've tired asking this question a few times over the last couple of years.. thinking it was past time for are sexual desires to maybe blossom more Ha HAHAHA jokes On me! 

Lost I am only thing I know for sure is she had a big crush on one of her g/friends in high school and they still talk..

anyway thanks for listening to my venting I'm just not sure what the hell I'm going to do about this.. But somethings bound to break if it keeps on going like this

Oh of course I welcome any ideas insights or helpful tips I guess I'm curious if you think there is something I'm not doing?? 
of course I think this is part of the problem of  a sexless relationship is the person who wants sex and is not getting it starts blaming themselves ... *shakes head* 
I just don't understand why they don't leave if they don't want to have sex with us??!? why pretend?? it really bothers me to even try to imagine the logic of this.
rainyraven rainyraven
31-35, T
5 Responses Sep 8, 2012

ive never been married or anything, but i would say she's definetly holding back from you somehow, and while it IS possible that she's off getting her satisfaction elsewhere, i wouldnt jump straight to that conclusion the part that sucks about this is that in order to get anywhere your probably gonna have to bluntly confront her if youve waited this long how much could you loose from bringing up that this bothers you honey? you sound very sad and frustrated when i read this and i think your only hurting yourself here, i hope i could be of some help <3

You are. ;)

im glad to hear it &lt;3

You've tied yourself up into a knot. Take a deep breath. Go about your day and come back this evening and read your story again. It's just brimming with anxiety and despair. <br />
<br />
You've waited 3 years...how much more time do you need? The situation won't get better unless it's something she wants. If she's happy without sex with you, then there is no pill or book or DVD or seminar that can change that. There are plenty of us here who have tried EVERYTHING to entice our partners into physical intimacy, but it's just not going to happen without their desire.<br />
<br />
You are young...it will hurt...but don't live your life knowing you will regret a decision you didn't make. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right one are the same.

oh you can bet you *** she's having sex its just not with you

There is no judgement intended in what follows.<br />
<br />
Do you think it possible that your sexual preferences that are outside the 'normal' parameters, is a problem for your missus ? That might explain part of the "why".<br />
<br />
None the less, and whatever the "why" is, the end result is a dysfunctional situation, and that sees you on equal footing with everyone else here, with the same limited number of awful choices..<br />
<br />
tread your own path.

They don't leave because all/most of THEIR needs are being met.