Letter To My WifeThis is the letter I am planning on giving to my wife this coming week.
I have decided to write to you so that I can get my feelings/thoughts across in a clear manner. and one that is not unclear or ambiguous.
I am very upset at your apparent lack of concern for our sexual/intimate relationship. I am also tired of paying money for therapy which does not produce results. I am aware that you are taking medication that robs you of libido... but I see no real action on your part to help in this.
I need intimacy and sex. It is an important difference between being married and just being roommates. Without it, there is no real spiritual connection between us. I am saddened that your upbringing has twisted your view of healthy sexuality... but again; I DIDN't cause it, I am not responsible for correcting it... YOU ARE.
You listen well enough to me when I talk/complain about this, but I don't see you taking EFFECTIVE actions to resolve it. I am also tired of being made to feel unreasonable and selfish for wanting a healthy sex life. YOU ARE A REFUSER... willingly or not, the result is the same. I don't see you taking responsibility for it.
This repeated sex deficiancy has taken a brutal toll over the years in our marriage. The crushing blow was last night after you swore that we would have sex tonight, you spent the best time for sex, ON THE COUCH WATCHING "JACKASS"... that makes me feel like I am not even on your list of priorities. At this moment I have almost no attraction for you. I'm not even sure if you are capable of desire at this point. Again, your issues are your own. Take control of them or be dragged under by them
I have felt neglected & unappreciated for years. And just so you know, I am considering separation so I don't constantly have to be teased by what I cannot have. You have not expressed desire for me in a decade, and that sends a damning message to me: You don't want me. Throughout our marriage, I have felt controlled, not in a blatant way, but in a subtle way. You treat me like I am your roommate, not your husband. I feel you think you are entitled to a certain level of support without responding in kind. Yes, you are a very good mother, a fair wife... but an absent lover.
I think our marriage is dysfunctional. The dysfunction “started” with the lack of intimacy & sexual ex
The dysfunction in our marriage has now permeated to every aspect of our relationship. I do not feel welcome or wanted in our relationship. I'm just a 'NAG'.
I care about you & love you. But not the way a “Husband" should love a “Wife" Those feeling are long gone. I have thought about your suggestion, “to work on it”. I have thought about what I am capable of doing at this point in time. I don’t see our relationship improving beyond what it already is, a “friendship”. I don't know if you have the physical resources available to advance. I cannot give up any more of myself. What would be the point of going through the motions? Counseling is not going to work if the two people are not on the same page. And I don't know if we are on the same page. What are you're goals for counseling? You shouldn’t be totally surprised by the direction our marriage has taken.
I hope that you can respect my feelings & opinion, even though they are different from yours. I am scared. I have fears. But I am not going to let my fear paralyze me.
I am sad that it has come down to this. I now need to know where we are headed. Clearly and concisely
cvann5 51-55, M 20 Responses 8 Sep 9, 2012