Well, A Talk Last Night Led Me To Telling My Wife I Want A Divorce...

Basically, last night my wife and I talked. She said she was actually happier because I left our room. Once again, my wife talked about how she really was making a difference this time, she really felt she understood what I wanted.

In addition, she told me, "if you decide you want a divorce, don't wait because it's my birthday or the kid's, just tell me"

Well, trying to go to sleep, then waking up, getting up to go to work, and take the kids to daycare. The thing I can't stop thinking is how many times have I heard her say it was going to be different this time. It was in the car where I decided, I can't be disappointed again.

So, I told her. She said she couldn't believe I would throw this all away, called me an ***, and then there was silence. I left and she closed the bedroom door behind me.

Everything is surreal. I wish I could see the future. I do wish I could take away the pain she feels. But this needed to be done. Well, have a good night.
lonelybutnotalone34 lonelybutnotalone34
31-35, M
5 Responses Sep 13, 2012

There are few things more painful than divorce but sometimes it is the right thing to do. No one deserves to live in misery, you only get one shot at life.

Yes, it's a painful process. But take solace in the fact that you're being genuine with her. The two of you have discussed your needs and agree that they are conflicting. I told my ex it was over shortly before his birthday. On his birthday, he met with an attorney and kept other divorce-related appointments. Did I feel like an ***? Hell yes. But it was 20+ years of disfuntional relationship that led to that one bad birthday. Swallow hard, she'll get over it. You aren't a bad person. You're actually the better person, for raising the issue and having the guts to propose a dramatic solution. Best of luck to you!

No need to feel sorry for her. In fact, put your warrior shield up because she is going to come at you with guns blazing since you are the one who is defeating her bull****.

Best of luck to you. Things suck now, but I promise they will get better.

I feel that one of the hardest parts of living in a SM is being honest. It is not necessarily difficult to be honest with a partner, because you have been the one doing the work, the self and relationship reflections. The difficult part is being honest with yourself. To know you are unhappy is one thing, to follow through, confront your spouse and live with the upheaval is another. It feels uncomfortable, but she told you to he honest. Feel good about your true feelings being expressed. More parts of you will shine through as you continue to he honest with the one who matters most...YOU.

I agree that the honesty piece slips away in a SM. Then again, that's how our spouses kept us where they wanted us. The only way to defeat the lies and denial it is to start telling the truth - defeat them at their own game.

As of Sep 9th, you hadn't seen a lawyer.

Best you rectify that omission as soon as possible.

I could outline a great rebuttal statement for you about her claim that you are "throwing away" the marriage, but the time for blame apportioning to have any merit has long passed. There'll be enough of the blame bullshit going on without you throwing petrol on the fire.

Tread your own path.