A Defining Moment

A Funeral

Yesterday, i attended a funeral for a very young extended family member.

My husband didn't go with me, not even when i suggested it.

At the funeral, i became very upset and wanted comfort. It was then that i realized i wasn't even considering him in my mind for that comfort.

At that point i really started to cry.

I believe that is the epitome of a defining moment for my marriage.....and it's so sad.

It's time for that talk.
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16 Responses Sep 14, 2012

*massive hugs* sounds over xxx

After reading about your decision, I had to look back, and holy crap. I'm glad you came to the decision you did. I don't even know your husband, but I already despise him. It's so ridiculous the way he's acted towards you. I'm so sorry you've had this as a marriage :(

i feel for You. Unfortunately i think johndoe091311 may be right. It is tough and my get worse before it gets better.
i went thru a similar situation with my wife (not the funeral part). We separated as she "needed space". That was 6 years ago. It was hard at the time. i moved on and today i have a very loving, nurturing relationship with a lovely Lady.
The ironic thing is i received a text message from my ex three days ago (had not spoken to her in months) saying that she still had very deep feelings for me!!!
Unfortunately for her it is a case of "too little, too late.
Be strong, be brave. There is happiness at the other end of the this tunnel. You have my love and support, as well that of many members on this site.
i wish You love and peace.

Sorry to hear that. What is, is. Move on to bigger (sic) and better. You will find the happiness You so richly deserve. There is a lucky guy out there who just does'nt know it yet!!

Im in the same boat. It sucks! Ever wanna talk or vent, im here for you

I don't envy you. Ugh. The talk.

i need someone to talk to me also

I am sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience last year. My dear friend of 25 years was dying of cancer. When I called his wife one afternoon to see how he was feeling she said "he died last nite". I was overwhelmed with shock and sadness. We knew he wasn't well, but still died more suddenly than expected. I went home and collapsed into my BF arms. I asked him to please take the night off work so he could just hold me in his arms as I sobbed. He said he didn't want to call out of work because it would be hard to get someone to replace him in only a few hours. I told him that I needed him that nite, home with me and they would certainly find someone to cover his shift. He felt obligated to go to work. Well that truly was a spear through the heart of the relationship, which had its share of difficulties to begin with being a stepfamily, and the disappointment was so great to me that I knew we would go downhill. It took a year, but I think for me it was truly the beginning of the end of it all. Being unsupported by your partner in your hour of grief is truly defines where you stand in the relationship on the "importance scale" and is just the thing you need to separate from someone and move on in your life alone.

Wish you strength to bear your loss.

My son is adjusting to a couple hours of daycare. Most days he is good, but once in a while, a little weepy. My spouse one day commented that on such a weepy day, she witnessed a couple other moms weeping after sending in their sobbing children, but she did not feel so distressed as to weep. She conjectured she was too matter-of-fact to get mired in such emotions.

My firm policy is to keep my eyes glued to my iPad and my mouth firmly shut in such circumstances. I confess that decades of tough love have made me quite matter-of-fact as well. On any given day in a daycare, some children will weep. That's life.

Im sorry for your loss, and your realization.

The defining moment in my marriage. My dear uncle who became my surrogate father after my dad died was on his death bed in the hospital and my cousin called me to come and say my goodbye. My husband started swearing as he planned on going out for a night of drinking with friends. "Jesus Christ! Every time I make plans some GD damn thing happens!"

By the time I got a babysitter my uncle had died and that evening I started making plans to leave him. The straw that breaks the camel's back. It happens to so many of us. Peace,D

First, I'm sorry for you loss. Dealing with a death is hard enough when you have comfort but to not have any makes it a moment that you'll look back on and think you were finally able to make the choices and decision you've been putting off. Stay strong and focus on what's right for you. I wish you all the best and we are here if you need us.

You should save this post.

Read it often.

Let is soak into you and inspire you.

You're right....it's a defining moment.

But you are the author of how it will be defined.

Found the same thing earlier this year... a beloved family member passed too early, EX sat beside me and tried to put his hand on my leg when I cried, and I just jerked away... it's not even a voluntary response, it's a "I'm totally devestated by something, don't compound it with playing pretend right now" subconscious thing.

At your deepest moment you didnt even want your husbands comfort? I think your heart has spoken.

These are really hard moments. I had to live through several, because I'm a slow learner.

Take your inspiration for change, your motivation, your 'lightglobe moment', where ever you find them.

Don't waste them.

Tread your own path.