I Wish

I know you all have heard the, "We had plenty of sex when we first got married." and it has tappered off since then part of the story. Isn't it always the case. I am in a marriage of 20yrs and have spent the last ten of it in a sexless marriage. We both are working parents of two boys. I work a full time job thankfully as well as does my wife plus she works a few extra hours on the side and goes to school part time. Are troubled sex lives stemmed from me checking out **** on the internet long ago and she had found out. I apologized for it she said it would change are sex lives forever she wasn't kidding 10 years have gone by. We barely kiss when we do it's more like when you give your parents  a kiss on the cheek. When she speaks on the phone to her friends the conversations can you on for quite awhile when call it last for about 30 secs and seems to me like i am wasting her time. We recently had some time together and spent it at another place about 40 min away we looked at some antique shops and such we sat down to lunch and preety much just stared at each other. Ifelt like i was on a first date not knowing what to say..... We all want are spouses to love us and i'm sure they do. they may love us but they are not in love with us.
68CamaroDrvr 68CamaroDrvr
46-50, M
6 Responses Sep 14, 2012

I think there is more to the story than your telling. But if not then it is very strange and sounds pretty hurtful what youve been going through

The **** didn't cause this problem. Lack of communication caused this problem. Looking at **** is not a deal breaker if two people can discuss their feelings about it and reconcile whatever differences exist. You have guilt about the **** and blame yourself for her shut down. She might also blame that but it's a smoke screen. It's not like you murdered someone!

Relationships require communication and in every case, our SM's lack healthy, open communication. It's the glue that holds things together, and you don't have it. How can you get it? The only way I know is therapy. My H and I went through 3 years of couples therapy and now communicate better than ever. It couldn't save our marriage, but it is wonderful to be able to talk with him now and be fully honest. It has made a world of difference for our family.

If i were you I would just ask her why are you still married to me? I did a normal thing of exploring sex ideas and you caught me! Well I told you that I was sorry and I will not do it again and so now you choose to punish me for the rest of my life? I think we need to get real with each other and seak some help to resolve this or let's just bail on this dysfunctional relationship.

Reads to me like she was just waiting to pull the "I'm not going to **** you anymore on account of X" - and just sat back waiting for you to provide an "X". (It wouldn't have mattered what the "X" was, just as long as was at least a bit credible).

In you step, to consume a bit of ****. "Excellent, there is my X" says your missus, and cuts you off - AS SHE ALWAYS INTENDED TO DO when a convenient enough trigger came up.

Her position is crystal clear, so the obligation of choice sits squarely with you at this time.

Tread your own path.

I sincerely doubt that she has not "forgiven" you after all this time. I do think it provided her with a GREAT excuse to blame YOU for her not having sex with you. If she was genuinely turned off sex by you watching ****, I think any normal person would have got over that yearsago . . . .

Have you talked (really talked) to her about how her behaviour is threatening your marriage?

I know that feeling of sitting down to dinner (or lunch) and having NOTHING to say........not always like that, but sometimes the air is so THICK with unsaid things that there is nothing of interest to say.