Like, Respect And Love

Very well said Mrs D. Literally, this is the most sensible write up I have come across since joining EP. You have reflected your experience in an avid manner. Keep up the good work, the young generation needs people of your caliber to guide them through the darkest hours. Your husband must be a gem of a person for having a soul mate like you.

Respect is the key to any relationship whether it be at work or in how one is treated in a relationship or friendship.

I mentioned "like" first because I have heard from some people who were or had been in bad relationships and I asked them if they felt that their partners liked them? Did they like their partners? The answers I got were a resounding "No! I still love him/her and they say that they love me but like is absent". I am paraphrasing here but this is the general theme.

Trust is also a huge component of any relationship and if we truly like someone, we can be trusted. Whether they can be trusted in return depends on how much they value our trust and also how much they like us as people.

Over my lifetime I have heard friends and others relate how they were being constantly accused of being unfaithful due to partner's insecurities with no reason other than jealousies and lack of self esteem. One friend told me that, after years of accusations, he finally had an affair. "I put up with blame for doing nothing wrong for years. Finally I had enough of trying to gain her trust. What was the point?" The marriage eventually ended.

A close friend who had what appeared to be a very strong marriage called me in a panic one day because she could not reach her husband at work on his phone. It was after hours and her first thought was that he was having an affair. I was dumbfounded! His phone service may not have been working. An accident might have happened. Perhaps he was engrossed in work as his job was demanding. She was hysterical and I calmed her down but I realized that the marriage obviously had deep problems at least in her mind. There was a trust issue.

Applying the same sound principles to a marriage or intimate relationship is similar to any relationship in life. I would also include good communication skills. No one is a mind reader. We can get clues somewhat as to actions but no one knows another's mind totally. Why each one of us is unique.

When I was a child, I believed that all adults and households were the same as mine. That adults knew everything. Has life taught me differently! I have thought that if I understood another's actions I could then put certain happenings to rest. In some cases this is impossible. I accept what is now and spend little time trying to understand because the only mind I truly know is my own. Peace and thanks to all of you for the comments. D

I think love is based firstly on respect, then like and most importantly trust. They are all cultivated over time. the quickest way for a marriage to break down is lack these three. Trust in another person is also earned over time but can be destroyed in a second. Being able to look past weaknesses and forgive them really turns these three into love. When my partner hurts I hurt, when she is strong she makes me feel strong.

Beautifully said. I am so happy for you and hopeful that maybe once I get out of a relationship that has none of those qualities, I can find one that does as you have. I have recently learned, in spite of being in a bad marriage, that I can like, respect and love myself.

Well done. You learned from your own past, actually figured out what to do right the next time and moved on. Your past hasn't been an anchor, dragging down your future, but has been a means to enable a successful future. Hats off to you!

Sounds like you are well on the way to a wonderful life together. Thank you for your words of wisdom; and may many take advantage of your earlier pain.and current happiness.

Nice and beautifull

Beautiful!

The You, and the Me = the Us dynamic.

With the Us being the prime driver for You and for Me

With the Us strangely having a total value exceeding what Me and You put into it.

With the Us having a continuing level of inputs from You and Me into a reservoir of goodwill, and from which Me and You may take a bit out as needed.

It is a sweet, sweet deal.

Tread your own path.