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The Sentence

'Tis not good for man to be alone, yet to be myself is not allowed
So, here I stand on my own, isolated in a crowd
A secret hidden deep inside, too terrible to be known
With no one ever to confide, I face these demons all alone.

Perhaps, I could just say a word, but no one would understand.
My voice too jumbled to be heard, like a stranger in a foreign land.
My worries, struggles, can't be seen, buried so deep inside
The mystery of who I’ve been, cut off, access denied.
 
Alone, an island, forgotten lost, far out in the sea.
My soul pays an untold cost, my heart cries out an unheard plea.
My very life a prison cell, of pain and agony.
And who guards this living hell? Oh God it’s only me!
Thusie Thusie 36-40 4 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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This is so beautiful and yet so sad. I myself feel the same way in my marriage. I am in a locked inside a virtual hell and can see no good way to escape. I just wanted you to know that I loved your poem. I have written many over the past few years and I really can identify with your situation. Good luck and God bless.

Yes, I wrote this a year or so ago.

The last line is particularly potent.

Yes, and a double meaning, both of which are true. On the one hand there is no guard, but myself. I can be free whenever I choose. That is whenever I give myself permission. On the other hand, though I might escape my cell, there is no escape from the guard.

Presumably nothing much has improved since your April 8th 2011 story brother T.

Welcome back.

Tread your own path.

On the contrary, there have been remarkable improvements. But, it's true that most people would still consider my relationship as pathetically bad. My wife is improving and making progress, but it's slow. Whether or not to push harder is a daily debate. I need professional help, but haven't yet gathered the strength to take the plunge.

As for the possibility of a separation, my affairs are in order if that's the path I choose, but so far it's not.

Did you write this?