An I The One Who Needs A Sanity Check?I thought I would share an update today or non update to ease some frustration. Frankly I am not sure if I even should be frustrated or feel anything anymore.
I am not one to give up easily. I believe in setting realistic and challenging goals and working towards them. I am by no means perfect but after today I wonder if I am the one who needs a reality check!
I woke up early this morning and set out on putting a romantic night that I have been planning for a few days in motion. Being an early riser I went for a swim and then off to buy a nice outfit for the evening. A few hours later I get a text from my husband asking where I am and what I am up to. I asked him if he checked the note hanging from the door of his bedroom (sadly its been separate bedrooms for over 4 years). Here u had the whole day planned out: a romantic scavenger hunt throughout our home and vast acreage. Yesterday I created numerous hearts that when put together form a rose. 12 pieces all together and he didn't even bother reading the first one that literally had to have been right in front of his eyes. So here I an thinking ... Ok minor setback no problem we can get back on track. By this time I have ground an tasteful and yet accentuating dress and associated accessories and was off to the next stop on my list. Another text comes in ... I found your note but why didn't you tell me where you were going (hmm I left at 7in the morning and wanted to let him sleep in? He asked me to come home so we could spend the afternoon together. I get home and well one plus ... Someone is shaven, dressed and ready for a fun day. While he is playing with our kitten I ask if he had found the next two clues to our evening. Well the answer cones back that he didn't know there were more. Gee the first one did say check your phone at 1pm. So yes I programmed certain texts to be sent at specific hours that required knowing some really basic things like his birthday our anniversary etc in order to unlock the location of the next clue (they were all within about 200m not 2 acres!
So back to the story ... Ever the optimist I say ok well let's call plan a a disaster and go to plan b. one of the later clues would have led him to figure out that i arranged a couples massage and spa treatments yada yada. So off we go to the spa together. He tells me that what I did was very sweet but that I know he hates surprises and that he thought that when I left to go shopping that I was taken somewhere. I find that a little odd since we live in a very safe community and seriously? I may have just had my back fused but I am no pushover.
Anyway the spa and massage was great but then I had planned for us to run a little intimate errand to buy some massage oil for home to continue the theme. I was told that I don't need to buy fancy lingerie and intimate oils to be with him ... Plain old canola oil would do. At this point I think ok it's just his odd sence of humor but he was actually serious.
So I thought ok we've been together for over 12 years married for close to ten lets go for broke and move to plan c. I told him that I have dessert all planned out but would like to take him out to dinner first to anywhere he would like. He says he has no idea where to go so why don't we just stop at the grocery store and pick up a few things to make dinner together. While not quite the plan I go along with it; who can complain about a romantic dinner at home. I get a call from one if my parents so he decided to go inside the store on his own to pick up a few items. Fast forward 20 min and he comes back with a ore cooked dinner ham and animal crackers. I didnt quite get it so I asked him what he would like me to make with these items. "just throw the ham in the oven and we can eat it" he says. At this pint I am somewhere between bewildered and shocked. I thought well at least we could watch a movie together something to resurrect this day. Nope we sat there watching food shows recorded on the dvr.
Suffice it to say I am beyond the end of my ripe by now. Since I don't want to say something I will regret I opt to keep quiet. He asks me what is wrong as if this whole day didn't blow up in my face. I was close to fuming and so just ignored him. He said well if I wanted him to make love to me that we could do that any time ... Really so what have the last 4 + years been ? It would also be nice to know that WE wanted to do so.
Hours pass and as if nothing has happened he says out of the blue let's plan a rv trip to the Rockies because we never do anything ... What??? Finally we go to bed separately. After handling all of the medical things that need doing just as I was about to turn in he again says why don't you plan a trip for us. So I bluntly say that every trip that I have planned hasn't turned out so well. (there were a few medivacs from the islands a couple of years ago to mention only one disaster of many ). But I try to look at this as an opportunity and ask him to plan something. His comment was "do you want me too?" ... No I just said that for the heck of it!
So here I am slapped in the face, frustrated with nowhere to turn. My self esteem is somewhere between the a deep hole and quicksand.
Seriously I didn't know romance died after marriage. Oh and apparently he is afraid of having sex because he doesn't want to hurt my back. Gee a more creative excuse would seem fitting after today!
I am officially out of ideas. I love my husband but don't know where to go from here. U know he loves me too but a brief kiss and watching tv just first dms it for me.
I was hoping to be physically exhausted today not emotionally drained.