Just An Update

Well it has been almost 10 months since I officially split with my H, we are still married. I put a D on the back burner because it was just to stressful for me with everything that was going on. I am moved to another city and I have to admit being away from him feels a lot better than trying to coincide with him. I am seeing my lawyer tomorrow though and filing the papers for the D. I am finally ready.
It seems every other week I doubt myself though. I am so used to being with something that is familiar and change can be so scary. Him and I still talk so easily and I think to myself oh this could be fine again we get along so well. But then I remind myself how he just didnt want to be with me sexually and how he looked at p*rn with me right there in the room instead of being with me and I realize I want more than that. I know I will always love him but I want more than that and the truth is he probably wont change. I am mad sometimes that he never fought for me. He just gave up. But I am trying not to look back.... which is hard.

On another note, I took a lover. It was slightly unexpected and when it happened I almost broke down. I had never felt anything like it in my life and I felt guilty for enjoying it so much and elated and awful and well lets just say I hyperventilated. He was very sweet though and I am still seeing him. I have to admit I have never been with an unselfish lover. It is amazing! Truth is when I think of going back to my H I know that sex will never be like that and I would mourn for it for the rest of my life. My lover wants to meet my lil ones. I am very secretive about everything in my life around my ex, he has no idea that I am dating or anything and well this would mean I have to tell him I am dating someone because my lover lives out of state and I would have to fly with my lil ones to see him. I am not sure how to approach this, I am of course waiting till all paperwork is filed but regardless it will not be easy to mention oh by the way I am dating again and want to fly the lil ones to meet him. Is that kind of thing ever easy? I live in a no fault state so it doesnt matter if I am dating anyone but just the simple fact of telling him is horrible. Any advice on how to approach that? I would really appreciate that!

Well Im sure I forgot a lot in this update. I hope everyone is amazing and keeping their heads up:)
NotAFairyTale NotAFairyTale
31-35, F
6 Responses Sep 19, 2012

Yes, definitely protect your children. On another note, I wish I would have met you first!

Must admit, I used to read your posts with trepidation as he reeled you back in a few times, and truth be told, I thought you'd not make it out of Dodge. <br />
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It's great to be wrong !!!!!! Well done.<br />
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About the kids - and meeting the new beau. Let it happen I reckon. By that, I mean that sooner or later their paths are going to cross as a bit of time unfolds. Let that process happen as and when it will. I wouldn't be making any special out of this meeting at this stage. Keep it low key. (And, if it could impinge on the divorce proceeding, then DEFINITELY DON'T until that is signed off and done).<br />
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Tread your own path.

I'd say get your bearings before you involve the kids. It's nice that he wants to meet them, but there's no rush. Do what you need to extricated yourself first. The rest can come later...

Your right everyone thank you. I am filing tomorrow and I want to make sure it is something that will last before I involve them. Lord knows Im still healing anyway. I am looking forward to being free. I am looking forward to not hurting anymore.

I would insulate the kids from the situation until you're relatively sure of its longevity. It will only add more instability to their world for you to introduce him now.

I understand where your head is at...I awakened in a similar fashion. You want to scream his name from the highest mountaintop...you want everyone to know how happy you have discovered you can be.

Get the divorce. Having experienced a successful extended test run, I predict you'll transition to singleness just fine.

{hug}

Keep your kids out of it for now.
You're playin' w/ fire on that one.