Over Already?

almost 4 years into our marriage and the sex is virtually non existent. On the rare occassion we do have sex, it is only when he wants it, and it is just for him, as he says it, " to put his **** into something warm" it is so hurtful. and stupid me gives in just hoping things will change..

We haven't slept in the same room in almost 2 years. There is no kissing, rarely a hug.
There are days i want to leave but i don't because of our son and some other circumstances.

i have thought about having an affair. I have so many opportunites, but i have remained faithful thus far.

ug...i just miss intimacy so bad...damn it..
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20 Responses Sep 19, 2012

Leave him. Now, He is not a husband to you and he never will be. One day when you are living with a REAL man you ill wonder how you ever put up with such abuse.

I am shocked you let yourself be treated this way...
He probably watches a lot of **** and that is enough for him - he doesn't need sex with you too often.
Or, he might cheat on you. Simply speculation, of course.

You are still young. You can still do it. Find love, be loved, love. Don't let fear and ''what if'' hold you back. You will regret remaining in this marriage at 50 years old.

Good luck

I would suggest you completely cut him off until he learns some manners. That way you will show him that you have some self respect for yourself.

As for the affair scenario i would suggest that you visit a Dvorce Lawyer first find out your rights and have an exit plan ready if you are going to go down the road of Affair.

Because when he eventually finds out his reaction is likely to be Volcanic and you at the very least will be prepared.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

Iwould like to say you are blessed to be married.
Sometimes as couples must talk to each other about sex,
And most of the ladies relaxes after marriage ,they don't keep their body structure in shape and they don't wear fancy clothes not to mention their make-up and hairstyle.
And they like sleeping on pyjamas which is a big turn off.
so its better to try different styles and watching a **** can set a good mood too

Um... No. She is not blessed to be married. She is married to an abuser who treats her like an object to keep his p*nis warm. There is NO blessing in that. Being married isn't necessarily a blessing. Sometimes it is a terrible burden.

What are you kidding me!!!!Why is it that people always expect the women to try and keep things alive!What a true **** off......It takes two to tango.I would like to see men do their makeup and hair and go to the gym to keep in shape while watching children,cooking ,cleaning,working and so on.We put up with mens flaws and still find them very attractive.I am sorry to say this but I feel your view is very childish .

I am in a very similar situation with my wife less the derogatory sexual talk. Sooo many contributing factors have driven us apart with the primary reason being her dishonesty. The lack of respect she shows me with her willingness and ability to lie to my face has made it impossible for me to show any affection towards her. Best of luck 

wow, but to be totally honest..... there is NO love there. Take the loss and move on. You are a good person and deserve to be treated good. Grab ahold of your self worth and self esteem and do what is right for YOU!!! When you find the one that loves you for you then hopefully you will find the intimacy too.

id tell him to stick it where the sun dont shine and it anit gona be me...

You need to reclaim "YOU"....I totally get having a toddler and feeling like there is NOWHERE to go. But your child needs a strong mother, a mother who will stand up for herself. I know it ain't easy.....cuz I BEEN there!! But in the end? It is required of you as a mother, and even more essentially, a as PERSON, to SAY what it is you require. He can either step up, or not, but there comes a time to draw a line....

He is abusing you. He will not stop and what is to say that he won't abuse your child? It is time to leave and heal - both you and your son. We all have circumstances but there comes a time when you must put yourself first.

So the kid is somewhere between 2 and 4 I guess. Does hubby treat son like he treats you? Even if he doesn't I don't think your son benefits from seeing this dysfunctional relationship.

In other stories you speak of his abused past, his current abuse of you and his lack of job and ambition. And you say leaving is not an option right now. If he won't get therapy or work on this, I don't see STAYING as an option. Really. I think this man is too damaged and he is out to damage you. How is your son going to thrive if you are slowly being killed?

Seriously, staying is not an option.

To put his **** into something warm?
Is he a cave man, tell him to stick it in the oven.


Did you get turned on Misslee?
Can you imagine your H saying " hey you (grunt) come over here, my **** is cold"
would you like melt and make snail trails all the way to him? Cause I would.
I'd say, "say no more, you had me at grunt"
Who talk like that? really.

I would laugh and say, "Get the **** outta here!"

Oh stop, you guys love it.
I wish I would have thought of that "honey, are you ok, do you need me to get you anything, a coffee, a snack, are you cold, would you like a shirt, how about your ****, is that cold, would you like my cozy ***** to warm it up for you? and no I don't want sex, I'm just concerned your **** may get a cold!"

Engel, stop insulting Neanderthals!

2 More Responses

It's really sad. This is the only time I am disgusted to say join the club. These pathetic so called husbands do not know the basis of a good marriage is intimacy. Without which you might as well be staying with a room mate or a door mat!! I am in the same situation as you. I have a toddler and that holds me from walking out of this dysfunctional marriage.

One of the risks in staying is the modelling by the male parent to your son.

That risk would be that the kid grows up believing that acting like a turd to women is "normal" and carries that into his adult relationships.

Of course that might not happen, but it is a very real risk. Are you a risk taker ? A future daughter in law might wish you hadn't been. So might you.

Tread your own path.

Suggested response would be to boil some water so he could have something warm to put it in.

" to put his **** into something warm"


I thought I'd heard it all, but this takes the cake.

Why on earth would you stay married to this id10t? Do you want your child to grow up with this attitude towards marriage????

i understand you complety ive been married 20years the last 6 dead

With a loving attitude such as "to put his **** into something warm", I would be refusing him if I were you. <br />
<br />
I now know what it would take to make me a refuser. And shortly thereafter, a divorced one.<br />
<br />
You are worth more than that. Expect more from the next guy, but divorce this one.

I know the feeling of wanting intimacy. I have also remained faithful. I have been married almost 7yrs now. after 2yrs of marriage, we had financial problems and the sex stopped. no sex for 4 years, and in that time he had an affair with a close friend.
the affair ended and he confessed. We did counseling and things seemed to go well. Unfortunately the last time we had sex recently was April.

As far as leaving your husband goes, can you not stay with family? or a friend until you can get on your feet?
Have you tried counseling? or have you discussed your feelings with him?

I'm also very sorry to hear about your problems. I'm in a similar boat, with my wife. We've had many a 'chat' about our no-existence sex life and she agrees she needs to get this sorted out, but is unwilling to acknowledge that there is any real problem.
For my part, I've lost weight and started trying to improve my figure to try to make myself more sexy for her, I've tried to help out more around the home.
I must say that I'm also doing it for myself to make myself feel more attractive to others.
It does sound that he is either cruel or just angry and bitter at the situation. Maybe he feels that you're to blame for the situation?
From my view point I wish my wife would touch and grope me more (she never touches me), she always keeps me at a distance, often if I go to kiss her she will just offer your cheek to me.
In any case, you are too young to be stuck in a unhappy/unfulfilling/unsupportive relationship and in my mind it probably will only get worst unless some major steps are taken.
I really do hope you get it sorted out and that you find happiness.

You are too young.... Do you want 50 years of this? If not, start to plan your life now!