Am I The Only One????

I am 45 and my partner is 55. She is asleep as I sit here and write this. I am frustrated and lonely. She loves me in all ways EXCEPT she does not want a sexual relationship. How can I live in a relationship that can be truly wonderful in everything except sex.

It is like she is my best friend and I really need her to be my lover too.

Am I asking too much of her? Am I expecting too much out of this relationship? We have been together ( on and off) for 13 years and sex has been a huge issue between us. Should I just give up?
lonelyinlove523 lonelyinlove523
41-45, F
7 Responses Sep 20, 2012

I have told my H often " how can you say you love me, maybe like a sister yes, but not like a wife", and I'll add "I was not put on this earth to serve you, I am a woman and I don't feel like one thanks to you, this is not the relationship I wanted."
The sooner you give up the sooner it stops hurting so much.
Good luck

Correction everything is not fine. Lack of sex in a marriage is usually the first indicatorthat something is wrong.

You are in fact just Roomates and friends. Perhaps you would like to have a serious think about relegating her too Roomate Status and telling her so.

At least Roomates dont pay for each other and lookafter the other persons responsibillities. Perhaps that is the only reason she keeps you around under the title of husband?

Stay Strong & Good Luck

Oh, I really feel for you.. I'm aso a woman and in a very similar situation but with a man. I wish I was lesbian too so we could maybe arrange a happy fix almost instantly;)
I have been in my relationship for almost 15 years now and, for as long as I can remember our sex was never really as great or as much as I desired. Yet I stayed. For reasons that sound very much like what you're saying yourself. I can tell you, you and I should use the same advise from the responses below. We have only ONE life and there are really enough people on this planet for us to find that special one. I'm sure you deserve your true and complete happiness too-please think about it with all the self respect and love you can find. I wish you all the best. Hope we're both truly and completely happy one day.

i wrote a similer story and pepole were horrified

There is a term within the lesbian community called "Lesbian bed death". The term germinated from an arguably flawed study, criticized for its definition of what consitutes sex in an intimate partnership between women. Nevertheless, it struck a chord with an experience that is felt intensely within that community, and upon widening, also the gay male community and hetero community.

The commonality though between the hetero couples and the lesbian couples, was that they were both less likely than the gay male couples to propose opening the relationship in some negotiated form. Within the gay male community, there is generally no assumption of monogamy within partnerships, as there is within others. That is negotiated. And I think, for those who are able to get to it - that idea of negotiation, of choice where it comes to sex, of propriety

I suggest you read "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perell and see if anything in that book strikes you as familiar. It was influential in my wife and I figuring out "Why" this was happening to us, and we were able to explore a way of dealing with it that made sense to us.

You can be best friends WITHOUT being married/in a sexual relationship.

Find someone ELSE to be in a sexual relationship with, because your "best friend" is not it.

A huge number of initial posters to this group arrive with a position that - "everything is great bar the sex".

In truth this is rarely a sustainable position if you apply a bit of cold unemotional and objective thinking to the situation.

Your position just on the meagre information supplied reads like this - "there is a yawning chasm in my relationship that is eating holes in my soul, it has driven me to googling 'sexless relationship', and revealing my anguish to total strangers"

If you have been moved to find this group, it is a definite sign that your relationship is in deep ****. Deeper than you are probably prepared to acknowledge right now..

Best thing I can suggest is that you read in here. Read voraciously. Gender adjust it as you read and you will find your story repeated by someone within the first 20 stories and comments you read. And from there, you will see how people cope with it, or get out of it.

Welcome to the board.

Tread your own path.

wow..... you said it. "there is a yawning chasm in my relationship that is eating holes in my soul, it has driven me to googling 'sexless relationship', and revealing my anguish to total strangers" that is soooo totally correct!!