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Another Day In The Life...

so here i am again, another day in the ILIASM life.

last night he picked up our daughter & got home a little later than me. i took advantage of the time to work out.

they get home, she comes downstairs & hangs out with me. he comes downstairs, glass of wine in hand, watches for about 2 minutes, and heads back upstairs.

me & my daughter head back up after i'm finished: time to cook dinner. what's he been doing? laying on the couch, eating junk food (and spilling it all over the couch, the floor, etc.), drinking wine, and watching tv.

did he clean out the filters, leaves, etc. from the pool after the big storms tuesday? no. did he go through his huge pile of mail & take care of that? no.

why?

because....*i* was doing something "fun," for *me,* so--why should he do "work?"

today, he's supposed to take her to 2 classes--thursdays i *always* catch up on stuff around the house and/or work out. guess what? *i* got stuck cleaning all the leaves out of the pool, the filters, etc. because, if i don't, it's going to be dark by the time he gets home, and the pool filter motor, etc., will be damaged when it runs tomorrow, because too much has accumulated.

now...it may seem like a small annoyance, or maybe even a medium one. but, to those reading, this is typical sh!t around here. whenever i *might* have an oppty to do something nice for myself (e.g., work out a little longer, which coincidentally benefits HIM because i'm looking mighty fine these days. or, maybe he just doesn't care how i look. or, maybe he doesn't WANT me to look good. hmmmm.)--HE comes up with something else that absotively posolutely MUST be done, BY ME, instead of me doing what *i* had planned for that time.

add to this, all the times i have gone over to him, softly & sweetly kissed him on the lips since he's come home, been non-confrontational & refused to rise to his provocational comments, absolutley zero response from him, and the steam.is.coming.out.of.my.ears.

i have just spent **90 minutes!!!** cleaning the pool. HIS job. he NEVER helps inside the house. (or he does when we have a party--that's IT. otherwise the dust could accumulate to INCHES before he'd do anything about it---because it's *my* job.)

so thank you for letting me vent here; i will NOT vent to him. i will simply TAKE the time back at some point over the weekend and he can handle himself however he wants while *i* take some "me" time and do something constructive with it. rather than doing *his* work, that he could, and should, easily have taken care of last night instead of laying on his a** watching tv, eating junk food, and having his wine.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
smithy8015 smithy8015 46-50, F 8 Responses Sep 20, 2012

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Hire sexy poolboy. >:)

I have tell you there is no reason a that he can't help around the house! Helping with cooking,dishes, vacuuming, laundry. I know I do most of these most of the time so I know how you feel! I wish you the best:)

So which one of you guys is the refuser? Someone sounding as pissed as you can't be putting out.

wallaby, why don't you (instead of poking me with the worded equivalent of a stick) read my other stories?

all should then begin to clear up.

in case that's too much trouble?

HE is the refuser.

and my level of pissed off ness on the day i posted this story had to do with the truly deep level of bullish!t he sinks to pretty much constantly.

like sex, he avoids almost everything that smacks of effort.

Not too much trouble and all cleared up :) You are going to be a lot happier when you ditch this turd and find a decent bloke. Good luck...

Why don't you guys clean the pool together? It is a rhetorical question - I realize that. But I think it gets to a state of mind. What is it with TV? Clearly you sound attractive - not that it matters. But in our "freakish" world of enjoying sex and intimacy - what could be more fun than a man and woman cleaning the pool - perhaps do it naked and see where that goes. Again - rhetorical. But knowing that there are like minded people out there is comforting. I used to use my creative energies to tee up the moment at unexpected times in unexpected places. Unfortunately after years of being rebuffed - things like - (as you may tell I have a boat), being out on the boat in the middle of nowhere on a weekday in the summer and attempting to "seize the moment" only to be told - "it's to hot - you know I hate it when you touch me and you're sweating". We have a pool as well. My wife takes great pride in telling everyone that's my husband's - "I've never been in the pool". People look at me like WTF - she's proud of that?

My neighbors talk about their midnight swims - ah well - you got me started. Sorry. Know that there are definitely people like you out there - normal, healthy, etc.

thanks boater---yeah i agree on the doing stuff together. unfortunately life is a spectator sport for my H.

Because I've been there with you!!!

With respect -- what is the goal?
I get venting - but if you read this the two of you sound like my children ******* and moaning about one chore or another. Not trying to be rude, just a little EP love tap :)

I suggest the book "His needs Her needs" - rosy picture painted by the author but I do like his thinking on chores. I can see how he is being childish but once past that, things important to you may not be important to him - and they should not be.

with all due respect? my needs, what's important to me? don't enter into his thoughts, or our relationship....in any way, at any time. this goes to pattern. it's: gee she has time to do something *other* than work like a dog, so let me work her some more, because golly i felt like laying down to eat junk food, watch tv, drink wine, & fall asleep @ 7:30 last night when i *should* have done what i'm about to dump on her.


it's controlling, and it's a bit mean.

it's a helluva lot more insidious than 2 kids arguing about who does which chores.

so thanks for the thoughts, but i am way beyond reasonable about division of chores. for the most part if it isn't done by me, it doesn't get done in our family.

we're closing the pool sun morning, since i don't wan to "own" one of his few, remaining, responsibilities.

I get all that - I have threatened to fill our pool in a number of times :)
Best to you

Unless you manage to succesfully lay out some boundaries i see no reason to stay with this bonehead.

That choice is entirely up to you.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

This is the dude who - it appears - refused his first missus and eventually wore the consequences of that choice when she dumped him.

This is the dude who appears to have picked you out of the herd to replay his version of what a marriage is again, having learned very little from lap #1.

This is the dude who treats you disrespectfully and has taken a position of being intimacy averse to you.

Now it seems that lazy, thoughtless and selfish can be added into the equation.

The case for staying with him seems to be collapsing.

Tread your own path.