Summertime blues

Just wanted to make the observation that the story "all that glitters" needs to be read by everyone in this group!

You see, everyone thinks my H is a sweet guy. He's quiet, nice, polite and gentle. If asked to do something, it's never a problem. Hes great with his kids, works hard as a dog, and is home every night. He doesn't drink, do drugs, watch TV, party or run around. When I encourage him to go out, he has a few good buddies he hangs out with every once in a while, and plays paintball 3-4 times a year.

I mean, the man is perfect, right?

Well that little bubble people had painted around us sure got burst this summer. Oh, nothing too dramatic, but it was telling.

As I do every summer, I went to my parents farm (about a 7 hour drive) for a month or so with the four kids.

My H works 12 hour shifts, 6 on, 5 off. When he started this new shift (right after I had baby number 4, yipee skipee, blah) he was all excited because with 5 days off, we could really do some fun stuff as a family. So while I was at the farm, his first 5 days off came up, and I asked if he would come visit. I was tired of doing IT ALL with the kids (my parents are no help, another story), but he said he wanted to get some stuff done around the house.
Fair enough

11 days later, his next 5 days off comes up, AND it's our 15th wedding anniversary.

*Oops, here I must inject a bit of background. In the month or so leading up to summertime, H had an epiphany that we needed more fun and celebrating in our life, and that creating special moments for my special days was something he would focus on. (All his special days are celebrated, thanks to me ) Wow, was I ever excited about this transformation. *

I call to see if he's coming to the farm this time, and he waffles, doesn't answer. WELL, my friends and family all figure that he's going to surprise me for our anniversary! Of course he will, even my unromantic-refuser-ocd-disfuctional parents figure this is what is going on.

ok, we all know where this is going. He doesn't show up.

I was so embarrassed and humiliated. I hated being pitied. But it was good at the same time too, for once even I couldn't hide the fact that sometimes, he's a real jackass.

Anyways, I'm angry, tell him off, then let it go. What's the point? We talk about celebration, having fun times together, that playing together is important, etc etc.

I know he's coming over the next week because he's coming camping with the whole family. A yearly ritual. Also, the 2 days before we leave for camping he'll have another chance to take me out......since it's my birthday.

guess what happened then?

He avoided it by hanging out with my dad, far out on the property, until it was too late, really.

I later asked him what the hell he was thinking, what all this talk about fun, etc was about.

His reply

"I did what felt right in the moment"

Doesn't get clearer, does it?

redwaterlady redwaterlady
36-40, F
3 Responses Sep 23, 2012

Yep it truly is amazing at just how much crap otherwise smart people will put up with from their partner.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

That's just horrible..and you are right,can't get any clearer than that.

I tend to think it DOE'S get clearer.

Each act of thoughtlessness / idiocy / intimacy aversion is accumulating knowledge for you sister red.

At some stage, the evidence piles up high enough to satisfy your individual standard of 'proof beyond reasonable doubt'. That point is a very individual standard. Varies from person to person.

But the evidence IS mounting.

It's YOUR call when it's "enough".

Tread your own path.

yup. I do hear you. Interesting that some of us almost need our deadbeats to be completely deranged, all bad, one step away from becoming evil incarnate before we consider calling TOD on the union?

Reckon mvcmvc's life "enhancing / depleting" yardstick has a fair bit going for it. It won't make the call any easier, but will make the call clearer.

ill check it out, thanks.