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Tragic End To A Sexless Marriage

Years ago I used to operate an independant contract. I also had a driver who worked for me. I had hired this woman... married with 2 small children. She had told me that her and her husband fought over money (or lack of it ) and because of it... she was refusing her husband sexual intimacy. She was well aware that the job required her to work nights... 11 pm till 5 am... 6 days a week which gave her a good excuse to not be available at night for her husband.

One sunday afternoon... they had gone shopping... and got into an argument while driving the highway home. She informed him she wanted a divorce. He stopped his vehicle and kicked her and the kids out and drove off. When she arrived home a half hour later..... she entered the house and found him in the basement. He had taken his shotgun and blown his head off.

I was going through some similar problems at home about that time and had also contimplated taking my own life before this happened. I even had a suicide note written.but didn't have the guts to go through with it. I sometimes think.... If I had owned a shotgun at the time... would you even be reading this?
baker998 baker998 56-60, M 11 Responses Sep 24, 2012

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Baz was right about the slug with my name on it. The only reason that I am here to write this is because I used my wits to diffuse my ex from killing me too and I also consider myself very lucky. Easy access to guns here in the states gives a person intent on self harm or harming others a convenient way to accomplish this. Because my ex did not leave a note, the Chief of Detectives who talked to me after the fact told me that he believed that this was an impulsive act. I am unsure of this for I realize that my ex had a very dark side. I am thankful that he did not kill anyone else even thought he had threatened this for years.

My life journey was not meant to end at that time and I have much to live for but suicide takes a huge toll on those left behind as in the case of this woman and her children. Recognizing that many of us go to the dark side at times in our lives but have the strength to chose life is a testament to the human spirits will to survive and move on to a better place on earth.

Also gaining the knowledge that we have no choice over others decisions whether it be a suicide or some other negative choices releases us from guilt and pain. I relate life to a swinging pendulum. Eventually it will swing from the dark side back into the light. Waiting out the dark can be very hard but it will happen if one does not give up. Seeking help during those dark times saves lives and prevents tragedies such as these.

I agree about the Kardashians. Why they have such a huge following is one of life's mysteries? So many of us lead much more interesting lives. Didn't one TV network cover the mother's boob job in place of the killings of Americans in the Middle East? Something is really wrong when " pseudo celebrities" fake **** are deemed more important as news. What a weird world we live in. Peace,D

OMG that's so sad, I hope you don't feel like that still.
(hugs)

Im sure we are all glad you didn't own at the time. I bet many of us here have walked the edge of darkness, looking for an end to the pain.

Seriously planning suicide drove me to a psychiatric hospital where I became a patient. Treatment helped me realise that my situation was at least partly to blame. There were other factors at play (there always are) but I finally realised I could no longer "swallow" my pain, without there being serious consequences.

Australia's gun culture is VERY different to that of the USA. I'm not sure where Canada stands on this. But I do know that, had I had easy access to a gun, I may never have reached that psychiatric hospital . . . .

Canada is VERY different than the USA - we do NOT have that sort of gun culture up here, although we do have a problem with guns coming over the border! We tend to use guns for hunting in rural parts of the country, and not much in the city. I have never, in my almost four decades, actually seen anyone with a gun outside of the military.

I wrote a story a week or so ago.
Dest by Spouse- or something like that.
THIS is what I'm talking about!

Death By Spouse

Sometimes my sole accomplishment for the day is not killing myself. I used to tell myself that the only reason I was alive was that I was too cowardly to kill myself. Which made me even more despicable in my eyes. These days I have a son to live for. I agree with Baz, it is entirely possible that you have a purpose here that is not yet revealed.

I assume not "everything was fine, but sex"... and they were not the best friends... Is it really the solution? Guys? I would bless you to go and have any sex with anybody if it is the choice of life and death! Nobody would starve himself to death, why allow yourself to starve of the other BASIC need?!

I too live in a sexless marriage. It wasn't always this way, just the past 21 of the 32 years. I learned that sex doesn't always mean the same thing to different people. I, for instance, am married to a wonderful man but he's a zombie to me. He's mister social butterfly to everyone else. After marriage counseling, forced him to go, it hasn't helped a bit. He says that there's nothing wrong. I have been reading a lot and buying self help audio books and have come to the conclusion that only I can make me happy. I can only make myself happy. Do you see? You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, and when you come to realize that you were only dreaming you had a stallion when in reality you had a jackass.

"I have been reading a lot and buying self help audio books and have come to the conclusion that only I can make me happy. I can only make myself happy. Do you see?"

Yes, I see... You can not change the other person whatever you do... You can change your attitude and make different choice... To accept or choose somebody else to be with...

I have seriously thought of both divorce and suicide. Right, you can not change anyone but yourself. I have sincerely tried to keep the marriage going, but I'm getting tired of "one sided love". Oh, there is a distinct difference between affection and sex. Just thought I'd add that in because most men think that they are the same. I could give a woman's personal definition if needed. I don't want a divorce, because other than the filed signed papers - we are already separated, just cohabitation here. I don't believe I'd choose to be with anybody else for fear of getting back into the same boat, just different day and guy.

The life is full of surprises... You never know what happen next... There is no guarantee for complete eternal happiness neither for misery... IMHO nice things rarely happen to negative people.... Or if to be more precise, nice things actually happen to them, but they do not see them as such.... All my life I was strongly sure that happiness is the happy eternal marriage and love in it... Now I see it can take completely different shapes and forms... and could be much shorter in time... but it is still very valuable for me... Nobody will take the happy memory from me,which will only fade when my brain will die...
Very good luck!

You are my kindred spirit spicedpecan. My husband is the same way...very very social and loves to be in crowds of people and talk to everyone....everyone but his wife.

@EinEngel: see my reply to your story, plz. I just read and responded to it before reading this entry.

Spot on Full Moon!

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If you have not reached out for help, you should still do so, thats if you have not got your troubles already figured out.

My pistol is going to be with my brother for a few months...better safe than sorry.

These are lifes great imponderables.

Sister dartists ex DID have a gun. And reading between the lines there was a slug in it with her name on it. Yet she is still here (he ain't) - and thriving.

You can drive yourself nuts with "what if's" (and "why's") brother b.

It is entirely possible that the cosmos conspired for there to be no shotty available for you at that time - because you are here for a greater purpose, as yet not known to you.

Weird **** goes on in life. Like those ******* Kardashian idiots. Now there IS one of lifes great imponderables !!

Tread your own path.

Tell me about the Kardashians Baz. If it were legal you would like to take a gun to them. Whats worse than the Kardishans are the idiots that follow them and help make them millions