Funny Condom Story

Okay, I just thought that I'd share this for some comic relief. Since we're here we might as well laugh about our pain every once in a while.

So my hubby a week ago or so is saying that he wants to get condoms so we can have sex (his excuse). And I'm like (hell yeah) I'll buy you some condoms. What size do you wear?

He doesn't answer me then says he'll just buy some. but I'm "Hmm, you're too emberased and find buying condoms to be humiliating. "

He totally denies it. So I google up brands and sizes. "So, habibi, how many inches are you?" He doesn't answer. "when you were in high school how big were you when you measured and compared dicks with other boys?"

"Oh, I'll just buy some condoms later."

A lil later, I say, "Oh look what I found. Measuring tape. Why don't you take your **** out and I'll measure it so we can know what condom to get you?"

Yeah no answer. I knew he wouldn't. Can't blaim THAT one on me lol. And funny enough, he's not average or small at all. Funny how a big guy doesn't want a "number" being attributed to his choopie.
darktippedrose darktippedrose
31-35, F
19 Responses Sep 25, 2012

its very funny habibi :)

hehe thanx

;-)

Thats funny.

i'm large sized just in case u wanna know okay.dam i would of never guessed there were and r so many up tight husbands not giving their wives the sexual pleasures they desire.thats sad,but it opens the door up for horny erotic guys like myself to make her happy if u don't.

haha, I guess you can say that.

and funny thing is - it doesn't take that many years for the marriage to go sexless. most marriages here, the sex didn't go out after 25 years, most go sexless in under 5-10 years.

hahahaha you are a tease love it

yeah well I wasn't in the mood to just sit there, take rejection and be quiet about it

haha i hear ya

yeah I have started getting my voice back, not all of it, cuz I'm not stupid, but it feels good to get some of it back

Its better that way trust me

yes it is, although it makes HIM increasingly upset

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Choopie? Lol I want someone to call my d**k that! That's an awesome name :) thanks for the laugh!

ur welcome lol

Well then I'd love to share my "choopie" with you!

lol too funny. thanx for the kind gesture.

Choopie?!? lol

umm - I grew up around Albanians and thats what I grew up calling a ****. so to me d**k and c**k or like what you call it when you're pissed or horny. but around kidz and family and civilized ppl you call it choopie.

Funny how 10" suddenly becomes, " I feel a headache". Ask him to get a Vasectomy... se how well that goes over!

yeah you have no idea. I am the woman, I supposedly supposed to be getting too much of it. not at all. not at all.

Being nasty wont raise his ****! he needs to know you really desire him to become his ****!

my hubby doesn't LIke/LOVE sex. he doesn't want me to be his **** so YOU being nasty to a woman in a sexless marriage, which is a situation you obviously don't know nothing about, should really shut the hell up.

aww! do not get me wrong hun! A MAN is a lust machine! turn the machine on!

if he does not respond my **** is all up for you!

come to me then because i like to be naked all day long and i am exhibitionist! I like women seeing me naked!

MY husband is NOT. I have always had a higher sex drive than he has. My husband has been rejecting me for sex on and off since 2 weeks of marriage. My husband had been aggressive rejecting me and denies that he rejects me for 3-4 years now. I have had absolutely NO SEX since JULY, and what breacrumbs he offers can'st satisfy s&*t. so please read all of my stories next time you comment. I am not just complaining and he doesn't give me sex. My husband wouldn't like one small comment I made early in our marriage, he would sleep next to m until I apologized, he would leave and not come back until the next morning. He would phone me. I wouldn't know where he was, if he was injail, if he got in a car wreck. so pardon if I sound defensive.

God! You are too beautiful to be dealt like that! Did not realise! if i had you as my woman i would be ******* instead of ************! please do not take me wrong! i was just trying to help! i ********** daily because i do not get enough sex! sometimes i ********** in my office too once or twice! under the desk! wish you were here! i would have ****** you till kingdom come! u r so god horny!

sashtavtar, you sound like a real jerk.
You have NO IDEA what it's like. Men not wanting sex is REAL and not a game. This is a source of true heartache for us and you minimizing it is not okay. Shut the **** up.

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love him without asking for sexual favours! do not taunt him! that drives us males to hide! just love him and make him feel wanted! he will come around!

the more I've wanted him the smaller his D**K gets. if I wait for him - I'll be dead before I get any

Not if WE have anything to say about it (which... we really don't unfortunately).

Why is this so hard for people to understand. This is a REAL thing. Not ALL guys are focused on sex, or even want sex all that much. It doesn't always mean they are f...ing someone else or that they're gay! Some guys are "asexual" or "sexual anorexics". Look it up.

I agree Rousana. as soon as ppl find out you're in a sexless marriage they think YOU reject him and don't want to admit it, oh maybe you're too fat, oh you need to learn better bj skillz, blah blah blah like you didn't think we tried that? ughh.

my hubby will finger me if I'm too horny, NOT cuz he wants too, but cuz he doesn't want his "tool" getting dirty and having to take a shower. yah. I hate it.

Exactly. I don't want a pity screw! I want a real connection with him. I really do love him. I know I have "skills", or, at least I used to. It's been so long since I was allowed to use them that I am probably pretty rusty.

same here. so sad to not and depressing. I had more sex in college with the "rare" one night stand

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another thought! do u nag often? this is my reaction too at times! cosy upto him!

cosy up to him - he doesn't like cuddling. do I nag - umm, do I ask him to go get eggs from the grocery store - what women doesn't. its not nagging, its responsiblity

I love cuddling, i wish i could have more of it.

you and me both

I wish i could have cuddling with someone who WANTED it!

Love it !..I bet he was kinda shocked,seems he didn't know how to respond lol

yeah he was

I love the sampler size idea!! Most guys are about six inches.. So you could go buy some Trojans and put them on his pillow!! Hang in there Rose

well my hubby is 8 inches so thats why I don't know what to buy

Trojan magnum.. Any large size condom..

okay cool thanx

You caught the horse by it's tail (literally)! But you are a very beautiful woman, i am amazed why he would let each oppurtunity go by!

you wouldn't be amazed if you met him. I should soooo post his pic

Why don't you?

I did. its in my photo album. the great big bully haha

ow! you have not added me as a friend! what do i do?

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I'll bet this exchange has helped in the resolvement of your situation no end.

Tread your own path.

Remember Elaine agonizing over whether a guy was worth a sponge? I must admit I quickly got into a situation where tearing open a condom pouch was largely an act of wasting latex.

Well Heck Rose, why don't you (unknown to him) buy him a "sampler" pack with all sizes, colors and flavors. Then the next time he utters those words, you will be able to pull the "sampler pack" out and say "Here you go, Big Boy. Let's get it on!" I'll bet his jaw would hit the floor. Now that would be funny!!!!

You call that his jaw?

knowing his behind he'd probably act indifferent.

Well I guess its like a woman and if she is flat chested or Big busted and he goes looking for a bra for you.? Its a personal thing. Don't be too hard on him.

I was just trying to share something funny. My hubby was gonna reject me regardless, he only says he's gonna buy condoms to make it seem like its not his fault, to put the blaim back on me. And for once, I didn't stand for it.

Remember, there can be humor in pain. don't take it too seriously.

No, it's like a woman who has been refusing for years saying "I'm going to buy some sexy lingerie", knowing full well she won't be offering anything, and she;s just teasing in the worst way. Good for you Rose, standing up for yourself for once.

thanx. I told my aunt who was in a toxic/sexless marriage and she said good for you. she asked if I offered to measure him sarcastically or seriously. i was serious lol.

yeah. I sick and tired of just taking EVERYTHInG he dishes out.

OK well my apologies.

Well you shouldn't take what he dishes out.

I'm not. of course I can't do it evertime cuz the fighting would never end and I need to stay for the kidz. Not forever, just for right now.

I understand, if i was in a sexless marriage i would go crazy. I was in a sexless relationship once with my ex girlfriend. We didn't have sex for 3 months. After the depression and feeling worthless I left. It was obvious she didn't care.

yeah imagine being in a realtionship where you've been having sex rarely to no sex at all for 3 years? thats why I started doing things for me. it really helps. I don't feel half as worthless or pathetic for wanting it anymore. I know its not me. I know its him.

Well we need sex, its a human need like food or water.

ha, try telling that to my hubby. there are more important things in life (to him) than that.

Try nearly 10 YEARS!

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