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Is There Still A Chance

i've been in a sexless marriage for 20 years - i guess you would call my situation unique. i'm a spinal cord injuried man who's paralyzed but my wife is the 1/2 of the sexless marriage. she says she is happy and no sex in the marriage is her choice. even though wheelchair bound i love sex and intimacy. i fathered a child with her and after that she's had no desire. the last 5 years i have a couple sexapades with other women and it was very satisfying but finding a willing partner in my condition is not real easy. i have no regrets getting sex outside the marriage and have even given my wife the green light to do the same if she wants. i love her, she is very attractive and fit and takes good care of herself. it is very frustrating to live with someone you desire and get no intimacy. i will forge on and hope there is still a chance she may change and we could have that special moment i think all marriages should have.
wheelchairr wheelchairr 51-55, M 7 Responses Sep 25, 2012

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I wish I had the sex drive of your wife, it would make things a lot easier in my marriage

no i wish my wife had your sex drive - it would make our marriage much easier

Do you share ANY kind of physical intimacy? Sex is NOT the only form of intimacy... do you hug, cuddle and simply lie together? Do you snuggle next to each other on the couch (or, more appropriately, on the "love seat")? Or does you wife show no interest even in THESE sorts of basic intimacy? I would try to start at that level, then try to work toward something more sexual. Has she no interest in receiving oral sex from you? Does she not enjoy having you suckle at her breasts? Or is it perhaps that you are unwilling to do these things because you know she will not be willing to take it to the next level and return the sexual intimacy that YOU need. <br />
Presumably, your injury only affects your legs, and does not impact your erectile function? And do you still have full feeling in your penis? If so, then I strongly feel that it is a basic expectation, in a marriage, that each partner provide some basic appeasement of the need for human touch, beyond the level of merely "holding hands". In the marriage vows, what, after all, does the phrase "to have and to hold" really mean? It means intimacy, physical intimacy. Sounds to me like you need to get into marriage counseling, and if she is unwilling to satisfy your needs, then you are justified in taking whatever steps are necessary to get those needs fulfilled. And if you get no satisfaction from her, I would tell her, not in a threatening way, but as a statement of fact, that you WILL get your needs fulfilled, with or without her. After all, SHE is violating the marriage vows already, since she is not "cherishing" you, and is certainly not allowing you to "have" her and to "hold" her. <br />
Best of luck to you! I hope you can salvage your marriage, but if you can't, I hope you have the strength to end it.

I have an idea but it may revolutionize your world: Get a divorce.

In fact, I think you should site: " Refusal to have sex. " as the sole reason. The world needs to read headlines: " Wheelchair-bound Man Still Wants Sex! Divorces Unloving Wife "

Your issue is essentially the same as everyone and anyone on these pages. As are the options ahead of you.

It's a very egalitarian page this is. No-one gets a pass because of circumstance, or anything else.

Extensive reading here might be of good value for you.

Anecdote
As a support person for a group of wheelchair athletes travelling to national championships a few years back, the level of bedroom shenanigans that went on over that week were staggering. The basketballers were the worst (or should that read "best" ?)

Tread your own path.

Oh dear, what happened to abstinence for training? Please tell me it was post-match shenanigans only.

Perhaps it is time you explored other options.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

Good for you! Every one deserves some intimacy.

I hope for your sake and for hers that you find intimacy and sex again within your marriage. Being from a sexless marriage, I understand your going outside your marriage for sex, but being as you are still very much in love and attracted to your wife, it would be so much better for both of you! I agree that marriages should have and do need those special loving moments. Good luck, I hope you get your wish again one day!