Hope this helps...
How To Rebuild Intimacy
Studies are showing that more often today couples who have been married for some time can often experience a loss of intimacy. While intimacy can be defined differently, it's common that many couples will experience some amount of disconnect or diminished amounts of affection and intimacy towards each other.
In many of these cases, this experience and subsequent behavior spirals out of control, and what's left is a marriage that is void of intimacy, and the couple begins to wonder what happened.
While there can be many different reasons that lead to this problem, there are remedies and exercises that can be implemented to help reverse this process, and restore intimacy to a marriage.
A very common technique marriage counselors use is to simply recommend taking a break from sex, for 2 weeks to a month. What this does is encourage the couple to first see if they can be intimate again, and then focus on the intimacy itself. While this approach is not bad, and often helps, the following techniques and exercises take this several steps further.
Couples usually get married to their soul mates, with the belief that this person is the only one for them, and that they will grow old together. With life expectancies well into the 70's, staying married is more challenging than ever. Follow the exercises below, and get back on the road to intimacy. If followed for 2 weeks to 1 month, you should experience a significant improvement in intimacy and affection.
1. Refrain from sex. Minimum of 2 weeks, after that, you will evaluate where you are at to see if you continue, and for how long. Rules: M*a*s*t*e*r*b*a*t*i*o*n is OK, but do it alone. Try not to wear provocative clothing or lingerie, and try to wear night clothes, as to reduce temptation.
2. Sit down with your spouse, once a day, to discuss what's going on with them. What's really going on with their life. Not to talk about work, but what feelings did you experience today, what is your mood, and why. Show genuine concern for their emotional and physical state.
3. Kiss. This may not be easy the first few days, but it will get easier. Take turns, take hold of your spouse, and give them a passionate kiss. Kiss each other in the morning either when you wake up or before you leave for the day, and at night before you go to bed.
4. Say "I love you". Do this once a day, and take turns every other day telling your spouse why you love them. This gives the statement weight and substance, and makes both spouses think about each other in a fond way.
5. At some point when you are intimate, tell your spouse why you fell in love when you first started dating. Talk about that, and the times you shared early in your relationship. This exercise is very healthy, as it not only reminds us of why we were initially attracted, but brings it out into an open discussion environment.
6. Don't argue. During this time, agree that if either of you has a problem, you will discuss it as calmly as possible. Arguing kills intimacy, so it's important to maintain your friendship and intimacy during the course of the exercise.
7. Go ahead and get passionate, if you can refrain from making love or other forms of sexual relations. As the sexual tension builds, you'll experience a heightened sense of intimacy, because the passion continues much longer than it has in recent years. You can relieve yourselves, but in another room, and then return to each other. This technique works best towards the end of the exercise period.
8. Go on a date, at least once, more if possible. Take turns deciding what to do, so you can experience what your spouse likes to do, and what you like to do. This forces you to enjoy each other's company without sex, or the idea of sex looming in the background.
9. Back rubs. Can be substituted for foot rubs, or other non sexual massage. Again take turns, and relieve stress for each other.
10. Make sure you have tried all of the above techniques, with some success. It's imperative that you change the behavior of the marriage, and the day to day behavior of each other. Watch your own behavior, and behave well.
After 2 weeks, and after successfully practicing the techniques listed above, you are ready to evaluate the state of your marriage. If the sexual tension is "too much to handle", and you find yourselves anxious to see each other ASAP, and can't wait to make out, then you are ready to make love. If you are struggling with the exercises and techniques, and not feeling a strong sense of passion and intimacy, then continue the exercise for one week, and then evaluate again.