Sexless Marriage

I have been married for 22 years and the last year my wife has started a career. It seems to be the most important thihg to her. She will not kiss me,and when we have sex she is just giving it up. There is no feeling in it anymore. I dream having someone that would just give me the affection I so desperatly need.
allen47 allen47
46-50, M
5 Responses May 11, 2007

I'm not generally one to spread gloom but ... I can't help it with this story ... I get this awful sense ... <br />
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You seem to insinuate that things were fine until she went to work. You say that it all changed when she went to WORK. You say that her CAREER is the most important thing to her. What I'd like to know is; Who does she work with? Who is it there that's got her attention? <br />
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I could be WAY off base, however, a career wouldn't change my libido that was perfectly good to begin with.<br />
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I apologize if this is off base or deemed rude, however, my heart hurts for you and I only hope that the pain ends for you. <br />
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My thoughts are with you ... best of luck!

agree

It all has change since her career started. I dont know what would reach her heart anymore,things have changed since the children went to college,and she started to work. She told me that I was to clingy,so I have since given her lots of space,that has calmed things down but there is still something wrong. I sometimes wonder if its me and not her.I have taken up hobbies to keep me busy while Im not with here. Im not going to ever give up.

I thought of that I made dinner, chicken cordon blue and toped it off with candles and music,to surprise her whe she came in from work. She just stood there laughing.It made me feel terrible. After dinner I asked her if she would like to dance,and afterward she just kind of seemed cold.She tells me that she never has liked to kiss.I clean the house,and cook also. I used to open the car door for her but she told me that she didnt like that. She says I treat her like a queen and that she feels like she does nothing for me. I have been trying to make it better.

I get a bad feeling about this too. It sounds really suspicious. Have you had a candid conversation with her about what she wants? It sounds like you do a great deal to make her happy, but she sounds very disconnected. I will also point out that I have known when something was off. I just always KNEW. If you have a feeling, follow your instincts.

Oh, and drink lots of water so your breath will smell good! And after you do all those sweet things for her to show her how much she means to you, she will kiss you and kiss you and kiss you!!!

NOT.

Have you told her that? You should! If you want feeling, do something totally romantic! Like right before she gets home, run her a bubble bath in a very clean bathroom and bring in some candles and soft sexy music.(just for illustration) Marinate some filet mignion, to broil in the oven, and steam some red potatoes,and toss her a beautiful salad, toast some fresh french bread in the oven with some butter and garlic, and serve it to her in bed after you make love to her Tell her you miss her heart and that you treasure her. Let her know you need her love and that you're proud of her work. Tell her she is the most important person in your life, and you want to make her feel like a Queen! <br />
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You are definately going the wrong way by wishing you could find "someone" who can give you the affection you really need. You have her! Don't be a big silly looser! <br />
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Get what you need by being irresisstable to her. If you didn't love one another you wouldn't be married, so make her feel how much you need her. These are things my husband has done for me and it made me want to give him everything he loves. Try it!!!! You'll be glad you did!