I Met Someone Beautiful (part4)

Well...the weather in my part of the world is cold and dreary and not very pleasant at all.....
But in my personal world , looking outward; it can't look any brighter.

I have had a couple of dates with the lovely woman who, for reasons completely unknown to me, continues to want to be in my world.
It is such an incredable feeling to know that someone can actually "want me' after almost 2 decades of being ignored and taken for granted.

Again, I am not downplaying the nights when I sit alone and the kids are with their mother for the next couple of days, and the pain and loneliness creeps back in like a cold draft through an old window. Those moments still happen.
But they are getting to be less and less, and less intense.

It actually occured to me a short while ago that "I should have done this sooner". How much of my life did I waste hoping and pleading that my refusing wife would somehow turn around and want to love me.

Everyone in this group has their own timeline and their own decisions to make.

I have no idea where my new relationship may take me. But for all of caring and loving men and women that I know are in the ILIASM group, I encourage you to look deep at yourself and make the decision that you can best live with...and then move forward with your life.

I got out...and I am very lucky. I have a woman who wants to physically touch me however and wherever she can, and I can't tell you how addictive the feeling is that someone wanting to touch me; even if it is just to lightly stroke my arm as we drive. And she looks at me.....I mean she looks deeply at me and I see this outpouring of love and desire and I sometimes feel as though I have to catch my breath because this has not been my world....ever.

I will offer any advise to anyone who asks.
I will continue to peak around and read the stories.
But after over 5 yrs in this group, I am so glad I made the decision I knew was best for me. And I encourage you all to do the same.

Beaverman Beaverman 41-45, M 8 Responses Nov 2, 2012

Your Response


inspirational! so happy for you.

This made me weepy because I can totally relate to everything you said. I wish you all the happiness in the world. :)

Beaver Man!

I gotta tell you how much I enjoy your posts! They are fantastic! Your view from "the other side" is exactly what I need to hear and I thank you for coming back here now and again and letting us know just how happy you situation is so very close to what yours was...before you took that leap of faith. I look forward to seeing you on the other side Beaver man. And, I tip my hat to're the real deal and I'm following your lead. Thanks!

I am glad you've found what you have been longing for. That is a great thing to share with others. The path out isn't easy but the path staying is life-sucking.

After 2 months out, I can say I feel lighter. I no longer feel I have to pretend or accept a situation I couldn't accept. This is an interesting time in my life; a time to focus on me and engender the relationships and experiences that bring me joy. Yet, there is pain sometimes - when I see people married 25 years who still hold hands and enjoy intimacy...yes, I wish that could have been me. But it wasn't, so that's the time I put on my big girl panties and focus on this life - this new life I am living.

I wish you great happiness, and thanks for sharing your story. Come back periodically to let us know how the perils of dating unfold!!!

Brother B. Can I ask you a leading question please ?

Out in the 'normal' world, have you found that the average Joe / Joette actually likes a bit of intimacy and likes a root ??

Do you think that - whilst in our dysfunctioning situations - we start to get into a mindset that out in the 'normal' world the level of persons who like a bit of intimacy and a root are thin on the ground ??

I'd be real interested in your response. (a comment by a fairly new member "tthetree" prompts my Q to you).

Tread your own path.

Honestly......I think a normal level ofintimacy is common in the normal world. (if I understand your question)
Forus in sexless marriages....we get to a point where hand holding or arm stroking or even touching while sitting on a couch becomes foreign and has somany hopeful leaders should it ever happen,that our perception gets totally out of whack.

A good comparitor would be the folks on survivor. After a month on some osland somewhere, they practically cream their shorts for a DrPepper and a cookie. Its not that those are unpleasant things, but the survivors have been so deprived (even for a short time period) that the potential pleasure is given immense value. Imagine how they would react after 15 yrs?

And of course Dr. Pepper and cookies are not scarce or uncommon things, they're normal everyday items. Sex is a normal everyday activity, that's why there are condom machines in public toilets at bars, railway stations, cafes, etc. I'm not saying that it's like some 1970s soft **** flick where people hump at the first opportunity, just that sex isn't that uncommon, well... except in our SMs. And it's the experience of our SMs that makes us think that sex is a rare and almost unattainable experience. It's not, it's a normal thing that most people enjoy and do.

I totally should be a normal regular act between loving people...just slightly less than kissing hello and goodbye at the start and end of a day.

Oh... So happy for you... You know now- THIS IS NORMAL...

Thanks for the hope from the other side. I need that.

Yea i once remember all that.