The Ghandi Option
This option is one I have not seen on these pages in my tenure here. So I thought I'd put it out there for discussion.
Essentially, it is a "stay" option, but rather than -
- stay and be miserable
- stay and cheat / FWB / open marriage
this one essentially is "stay and rise above it", the aim being a mindset of complete acceptance of the refusing spouse as they are.
It is not unlike the state of "serenity" often referred to in 12 step programs.
At its' core, it requires a particularly disciplined and honest mindset, as the key component is accepting all the hurt and anguish that have resulted from the situation, seeing it for what it is and letting it go. Forgiving it, without qualification, without regret, without recrimination, without reservation. To GENUINELY let it go.
Then, living it, one day at a time. (This ought not be interpreted as a daily grind like the Bataan Death March, but rather in the concept of "living in the moment", achieving a "state of grace", of reaching a state of "serenity")
12 step programs use a prayer of affirmation to this effect, it goes something like this -
- "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"
This is a short, and overly simplified version of "The Ghandi Option"
Like all options this is not going to be a good fit for everyone (and if I can editorialise here, I doubt that this one is a good fit for just about anyone on ILIASM). The hugest impediment being the GENUINELY "letting go".
Personally, I have, these days, been able to let go of 'most' of what went on. BUT it took me a couple of years OUT of the situation. I could NEVER have GENUINELY "let go" whilst I was IN the situation.
But it IS an option, and thus worth discussing.
*** later edit. Could also be termed "The Mother Teresa Option". Indeed any recognisable figure of sufficient high mindedness
Tread your own path.