I Live In A Sexless Marriage Because My Husband Is An Alcoholic And I Want A Divorce.I am not sure which group to post my story to. It could fit in the my husband is an alcoholic, I want a divorce, and here in I live in a sexless marriage. There are probably countless other groups this could fit into as well although these three are the most important to me.
I have been married for almost 20 years. My husband has always been an alcoholic. I didn't recognize his dependency on alcohol since he is a functioning alcoholic and drinks mostly on the week-ends until after we were married. He starts the minute he gets home from work on Friday and doesn't quit until Sunday night. He sleeps very little, then wakes up and starts all over. He easily puts away 40-50 beers in a week-end. Being an alcoholic leaves little room for anything else in his life. He has no ambition, no goals, doesn't care about anything but drinking. As long as he is drinking he is happy. He is not abusive when he drinks in any way. He is happy and will do anything for you as long as he does not have to leave the house, because of course he is drinking. Which also makes him useless when it involves anything outside the house.
15 years ago with 2 small children I begged him to get help. I was tired of not having a partner to take the kids to the Zoo, museums, water-parks, and general family outings. I was tired of never being able to count on him to be able to drive or run errands. I spent the next 5 years begging him to get help, join AA etc and getting one empty promise after another. I moved out of the bedroom we shared when we were married 10 years. In the past 10 years I can count on one hand the number of times we have had sex. My story is a little different though because I am the refuser. I refuse to have sex with someone whose only interest is beer. He does not seem to be the one suffering from that decision though, I think it bothers me a lot more then it does him. I told him I wanted a divorce around the same time. He begged me to stay and made countless promises he never kept. 10 years later and we have not moved from square one. He still makes promises he never keeps and drinks away the week-end. I stayed in the beginning because I did not want to disrupt the kids lives. I was afraid without both incomes the quality of life they were used to would severely change. My son will soon be 18 and my daughter 15. I have gone without sex, intimacy and a partner long enough. My son asked me a couple of months ago why I stay. He told me if I was waiting for them to be old enough to move out, not to. He said don't you think we would rather see you happy?
I have thought daily for probably 15 years about having an affair. I could never bring myself to actually do it though. I think now I am at the point where if I don't get the divorce I will have the affair. I would rather get the divorce.
I told him last month that I want a divorce for probably the 20th time and that I wanted to put the house on the market and go our separate ways. He refuses to hear what I am saying. He just goes about his business like nothing has changed. He has started drinking during the week as well now and thinks none of us know. I asked him why he is doing this and he replied that he is under a lot of stress with me wanting to divorce. I bring it up almost daily that we need to come to a resolution. We need to do this amicably. He refuses to put the house on the market and neither of us can afford to stay in the house without the other's income. I have threatened to get a lawyer and force him to sell the house. I have told him that if I have to I will divorce him while still living here until the house sells.I have always worked and have a good job. I can afford to support myself, I just can't afford to pay for housing elsewhere and help with the mortgage here at the same time. If I left the bank would eventually foreclose. I do not want to lose the 20 years we paid in to the house but more importantly I do not want to destroy my credit report because then I would never qualify for a house on my own. I don't want to wait anymore. I want my sex life back. I want my life back. I know the next step is to contact a lawyer, I just keep hesitating because right now we live like room-mates and for the most part get along well and I think it will quickly escalate into a war zone.
Anyone else staying because of finances? Anyone else manage to get out despite finances?