Flipping The SwitchI'm not sure, but I think the switch in my head labled "YOUR SM IS DEAD" has finally, finally been flipped. We separated in July, I filed the divorce papers a few weeks ago, but I couldn't pull the trigger on serving him. Despite the billion reasons why it's clearly over and can't be fixed, including all of his emotional and sexual issues, depression, his career in shambles, passive aggression, etc etc, I still had some emotional attachment that I couldn't shake. I still love him and care about him, despite everything.
Then, out of the blue, another man came into my life---exactly one week ago. We knew each other slightly as friends, but I had NO IDEA he had a major thing for me. He's much younger so it never even occurred to me he would be interested. We have spent the last 7 days together and he is INCREDIBLE. Emotionally available and just present and alive in a way I have never experienced before. Adorable, full of life, beyond sexy, beautiful, interesting, smart, funny. And the sex...holy crap, I didn't even know this was possible! Mind-blowing on every level. I have never felt or experienced anything like this connection before. I always hoped it existed but was starting to lose hope.
Who knows how long it will last, or where it will go---but it's like the universe had to clunk me over the head with a giant hammer to knock the last bit of nostalgia and hesitation out of me. THIS is what I want. Not the basically platonic friendship I had with my H, but a kind of unbridled passion and physical connection that is a completely different type of intimacy. Now I really know what I have been missing my whole life...and now I'm going to have to join the EP groups about being with a younger man, hahaha! This is a good problem to have. ;)
nyartgal 36-40, F 11 Responses 7 Nov 4, 2012