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Sick And Tired Of Being Ignored

So here I am, I am happy to have someplace to vent because tonight I just feel like crying. I tried to have "the talk" again with my spouse and again he responded with no emotion and just walked away. This is after he said he was happy being married to me for 13 years. HAPPY? Happy not having to commit any emotion to me? Happy not to spend one iota of intimacy with me? It's been about 10 years!!! If it wasn't for the fact that we have a child, and the fact that I gave up my career to raise her and now at 53 where am I going to go? I would have left.
indisplay indisplay 51-55, F 9 Responses Nov 4, 2012

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You need to leave him, do not waste anymore of your life. Find a good man out there and put happiness back in your life.

I am so amazed at how many people are in a sexless marriage or relationship. I thought it was just me. I couldn't wait until I didn't have to worry about getting pregnant anymore...by then, at age 55 my husband no longer was interested in sex (with me anyway) that was 7 years ago. I thought he was impotent but he would not 'talk' about the situation at all. I told him to see a Dr. but he wouldn't go. He recently told me he no longer has a desire to have sex with me OR anyone else!?! In the last 5 years he's had an internet affair with his High School girl friend, flirts with sexy barmaids and leaves them HUGE tips in front of me, tried to pick up a girl in a band in Las Vegas while I was gambling AND I found some EXTENZSE cream and a condom in his drawer. What I don't get, if he has really lost his desire....why does he continue to chase other women? Am I stupid??? ..... I don't trust him after 43 years of marriage....43 years of cheating... I kept thinking it would get better. We made one visit to a marriage counselor and the counselor told me I needed to come back. My advise is get out while you're still young.....I have waited too long. Life is too short to remain in a loveless marriage, but ask yourself, "Am I better off with him or without him?".....the grass may not be greener on the other side.

It's hard dear,very!try to find some good in you,love, peace,surely wisdom and share it with others,that will make it better some days,some days it won't work...those re the days to look for a friend like this and connect..also remind yourself that for so much darkness to exist inside yourself there must be the opposite...LIGHT..look for it.keep doing that and try to accept that that's what life has to offer.

Somedays like now I really need to hear this words.

I'm sorry for the situation you are in and my heart goes out to you. I've been married 29 years to a man who would still claim he loves me but does nothing to have, or maintain, a relationship with me. I tried talking to him about us spending time together to work on things through the years, and would receive the "no emotions" too. He'd wait for me to finish and then he'd either wait a respectable minute and then get up to go do something else, or sometimes he'd outright fall asleep when I was pouring my heart out, even once when I was in tears. And the only intimacy that he views as legitimate and meaning something is sexual. Big surprise. And how convenient for him. He wants his frosting but doesn't want to be bothered with making a cake...

I also gave up a career because he wanted me to be a stay at home wife and then when our daughter came, I raised her. I also feel I have no way of getting out of this and supporting myself and feel very trapped. I hope you find your answer and I sure wish he'd wise up and give of himself to you.

At 53...or 30,,,,or 65, there is no reason why one can't seek his/her own happiness. 10 years is a long time to go without intimacy in a marriage - I went 22 years. It took 6 years, but I finally found my way out of my SM. I know the future is bright because I am living for me and doing things I want to do.

At our age, time is finite. We know we have likely lived at least half of our lives. So when will be the best time to choose to live? It's time to choose.

Cry until you can not cry. Then you have a clear idea of what detachment is. You are, right in this instant, in the eye of the storm. You have begun questioning this one-sided relationship. That is a great beginning to an awful situation that many here have faced.

Why in the world whould your husband NOT be happy being married to you?

-----" Happy not having to commit any emotion to me? Happy not to spend one iota of intimacy with me?"

Yes and yes. If he had wanted intimacy he would have sought you out and worked with you in a cooperative manner to keep the intimacy robust and satisfying for BOTH of you.

Instead he choose to please himself.

Actions are the measure.

In his mind he is happpy!

From his point of view he probably is very happy with things as they are. It suits his personality and aims in life beautifully' He is indeed happy to not have to "commit any emotion to you", happy not to spend "one iota of intimacy on you".

From his point of view "everything is great bar the sex".

Now if he could just stop you from ever bringing the subject up again, the situation would be idyllic - - - from his point of view.

And one suspects, the only viewpoint that matters to him is HIS. .

Your viewpoint isn't even on the radar.

Tread your own path.

Wow, well said. You described my husband too but you put it into the words that I never seem to be able to. Thank you. It's just simply nice to know that someone gets it.