Another Ad

Have you guys seen the latest insult to injury from our friends in ad land for the "New Samsung Galaxy S III smart phone

The ad follows a husband who is leaving for a business trip. To show how easy it is to share videos and other data — you just rub the back of your phones together — his tutu-wearing daughters tell him that they made him a video to watch when he's gone. Then his wife bends over to his open taxi window and whispers that she made him a video too, but he "probably shouldn’t watch it on the plane."

I was with my wife the second time I saw it and made a sigh (yea, yea, immature but whatever) - I wonder of she just hears a buzzing noise when an ad like that comes on?

Seriously - My dear wife refers to "women like that"

I'd drag myself by my lips through glass for a woman like that.

Therapy continues but not without some venting. LOL
51-55, M
14 Responses Nov 6, 2012

Funny this should have more replies when I log on. That same ad came on last night, and it is my misfortune to have made an 'ugh' noise when it was a week or so ago, alerting him to an exposed nerve. When the ad came on last night, he seized the opportunity to step squarely on the exposed nerve. "Do you know what was wrong with that ad?" He asks me, and waits for a response that does not come. "What's wrong there is that he should be watching the video in the car." I concentrate on making my 'stone face', because I don't want to come right out and say the profanity-laced stuff that immediately comes to mind.

OMG, you are SO right! My wife is clueless but I think the commercial is classic. And, yes, knowing what I know now (trust me), I'd crawl over broken glass for a woman like that, too. My wife doesn't even ever say "I Love You." We haven't had a "real kiss" in over 2 years. Forget sex. Just that I had that someone in my life once, and let her go (I was married at the time and I met this amazing, wonderful, funny, bright, cute, loves-sex woman while traveling. Dumb me. I let her go.) Now I'm 12 years later and still miserable in my marriage which is even less satisfying and souless than ever. Guys who have a woman/wife like the one in the commercial are so amazingly blessed and hopefully understand how fortunate they are!

What if they do, but they call her sex crazed, and every time she tries she's always told that .....

So sorry that you want to give yourself to your man and he doesn't want that precious gift. Hopefullly you can find someone who will appreciate that amazing gift. How come women like you don't get connected to men like me? Sad.

My husband has a woman like that, and couldn't possibly care less. So frustrating. Those who have neither want nor deserve, and those who have not want and deserve so much! Not that I am sending him naughty videos these days...I am not one for humiliating myself screaming for his attention when he would rather watch paint dry than watch me...

Sometimes I think that having a partner like that is the cure for wanting a partner like that. I wish I could be cured.

I can completely understand your pain!

Ditto! Cansomeone tell me where you find women like this? I'm 61 and still hoping and looking.... Hope you can find happiness sometime, PersephoneP.

Yes, I've seen it. I get a stabbing sense of jealousy every time. I wasted so many years on someone who would make a "yucky" face if I made a similar effort as our smartphone-toting heroine. Oh the resentment...yep, still there.

I aspire to be in a relationship where I can do things like that. What others see as risque, I see as loving. Bring it on.

These kinds of things in the media definitely intensify the stabbing sense in my gut when I see them. We all hurt at various times of the day due to various things that remind us of our situations. Even those of us who are out already still hurt from the past. Those who are still in - some at least - may think that being out makes it all go away quickly because the dynamic is gone. It does not. The marriage may be over but the damage takes a lot of time to unravel. The unlearning is a long process. It may be never ending. I will let you know if I find out.

There was a time I would attempt to initiate an intelligent conversation about our sexless relationship using a Cialis or Viagra commercial as a lead in. Either I would be met with disdain or simply ignored and now I just have lost all desire for him. After 44 years of an unbalanced, unhealthy, sexual, intimate marriage, the flame cannot be lite with him. There was resentment, anger, and sadness. I would love to make a video like the one in the cellphone commercial, but not for him!

I hope you think about your life not being over. I'm coming up on 40 years and have decided 2013 is a new year and a new life. Going to be messy, painful and dreadful but I am not yet dead! There are men who would love a woman like you (I'm one). Give yourself permission to truly love and feel loved before it's too late. God bless.

<p>the point i was making..and i will stick to it You can't keep blaming the spouse. Your all saying the same thing:<br />
"boy i sure would love one of those videos.. and you know that ain't gonna happen.any time soon"<br />
.and so ...i say..make one..and all I get in response is this panic and all these reasons why... that is not possible.....and that is ...YOU talking..and so you are letting someone else control you and they are not here. .. and your blaming them..Your making a lot of excuses. </P><br />
<p>just for once. do something you want to do. you don't have to send the video.just make one that you would have liked to receive. Go through the motions. and do that with out the spouse's voice in your head, with all the reasons why you should not be doing this. that voice in your head, needs to be turned off. The spouse is NOT here reading this stuff, and yet, that spouse sure is present. I sure would have thought that spouse is right over your shoulder.</P>

No problem with making a video. Giving it to refusing spouse is throwing my soul into a sewer. Not going to happen.

don't give the video to her..absolutely not..she doesn't deserve the video..but you certainly deserve the joy of creating it.

It is obvious by your comments here neuilly that you have NO IDEA what those of us who have faced rejection over and over year after year go through. I dont find your comments encouraging or supportive. Do you have your own story of being subjected to endless emotional pain and rejection to by your spouse? If not quit trying to give advice for a pain you cannot fathom. The soul and spirit can only take so much. Those of us here are desperate to not be alone in our pain and confusion.

Can we have a "Hallelujah" to that!

Thank you! and AMEN!

NEVER question Neuilly!!! Or face my wrath!! Have you read here? Don't be a jackass, kay? Just trying to say...

Had you, LynnLee, and you, PocoStostenuto, read Neuillys back stories, you would never have made such ridiculous and factually inaccurate posts.

Nothing non-factual in any of my posts. Yes, Neuillys has been through a similar problem. So what? How does that give her any particular insight into what others have been through or have already tried? Neuillys made assumptions that others are dealing with IDENTICAL personal shortcomings that she had based on her own experience. Due to that her posts have been shortsighted and non-supportive and should be called out as such. Some of us have gone to extremes she can't even imagine to repair our marriages. Some have done things that would make her blanch with horror. I didn't want to get down to brass tacks, but for her to assume something as mundane as making a video would make any difference at all was childish.

i was in a sexless marriage for 43 years, and 34 of those years were void of intimacy..i left that marriage last year..And so what was I was offering was the idea that to make a difference, you have to start doing things differently..doing these little things, being a bit of a rebel, helps to get you back on your is a little way of gaining your faith in your self back. There are a lot of things that fall to the wayside in a sexless marriage, and attitude is one of them, Adventure is another.there are awhole list of things that we loose, and you have to start working on getting a little spice back, in your self. Everybody complains about the lack of spice in the marriage, but it is also missing from you..and that you do have control of..but are not aware of that.and so this is a way of getting you back on to speak.

That's sweet and I realize what you were trying to do, but you have to realize that we're not all the same. Not all of us are working from a fear of rebellion, let alone fear of anything else. We have other demons.

If it would guarantee a cure for my husband I would blow a dozen strange this very afternoon and not blink. I would kill and gut a dozen animals of various types and drink their blood without blinking. I would do (and have done) any number of things that you probably couldn't even imagine without the slightest intake of breathe or fear. Don't tell me what I am missing as you really have no idea. Good luck to you, but we aren't all the same.

but you see..forget fixing the can't fix someone else. You can only change yourself. you can react differently, and you canget a different response. and so look at the situation differently.your picking at words..your looking for ways to stay where you are..and so you focus on the word rebel,,and say oh well i am not a rebel..but maybe you need to be a little more of a rebel, a little more willing to fight for your soul. You need to be willing to fight for what you want..No one else is there to do that for you.

No, I'm explaining that the reason I've stayed is to help my spouse through his personal growth out of a sense of responsibility. My ability to leave him has never been in question and he knows that. You can't change someone else but you can certainly help them change, otherwise all those psychiatrists were stealing our money.

Your experience in no way mirrors my own other than being in a SM. I'm not going into detail, but every line you've stated is false for me and my situation. forces to you to think,,think about where you are, and what your doing.and that is important

I align myself with Poco.... we are not all the same and our lives and stories are not all here. I know people like Neuilly, think they have the understanding and answer for all situations based on their experience and what they did. I know where I am at...done all, been all, accepted all, denied it had to be that way, stepped out over and over 30 years of it. I am still here because my choice is to be here, but that doesnt change the fact that I need support and to hear how others deal with it. Reading how I need to make a video for MYSELF!?! Really? I DO EVERYTHING FOR MYSELF...I take care of my "physical need" ALONE FOR MYSELF...but it doesnt stop the emptiness of being alone and untouched, unwanted....I think most of us here dont just desire action...but true connection and intimacy...not doing stuff for the sake of saying "I did something".

There's a lot of hurt in this thread. Poco and Lynn, I haven't seen you around here before but welcome. I'm sorry you have to be here but I'm glad you've found a place where you can express yourselves and your experiences. I don't know your stories (yet) but I will tell you that everyone who sticks around here does understand your experience and your pain, personally. That includes and in fact ESPECIALLY includes Neuilly. With where you are and what you've had as your experience your outrage makes sense. I read that Neuilly (and others here, if you stick around and get to know the crowd) is challenging you to see things differently. Around here we tend to take the belief that we can't fix the spouse. We have to accept them as they are and then decide if that will work for us. For many of us it doesn't work. Making a video, in my mind, is an experiment to get to know ourselves again outside the narrow and limiting expectations and minds of our refusers. It's grabbing our sexuality that they've held hostage back from them. It's not about fixing them. It's about fixing us. Neuilly and I are not even close friends (we aren't even EP "friends" or in each other's circles) and yet I have read her posts and know her story well enough to see her point of view very differently than this. I know you are angry and hurt. Refusers really **** with our heads. This is *the* place to find people who really, really, really, really get it. No one here would suggest you need to continue "taking care of yourself". But we would suggest you could benefit from truly taking care of you and make yourself the priority. Be selfish. Be self focused. Be self centered. Make it about you. Your life should be about you. Our refusers have a way of making everything all about them. Generally speaking, here we all learn to take that back from them. I wish you the best.

Thank you HellHathNoFuryLikeMe your words are kind and caring. Quite the contrast to your login name which scared me at first! LOL

Oh yeah. My user name is me taking back my power from my ex and discovering I am no weeping willow or pushover/doormat. But that's only for *him*. :-)

LOL... I kinda thought that is what your name was about! I have felt that way myself before! :) I am no weeping willow anymore..I dont think I am a doormat anymore either. My husband has grown up over the years and knows its his issue, unfortunately he wont do anything about it. Hes a great father, helps clean and cook and is very kind and affectionate as far as holding hands and hugs but there is no sex. I try to focus on the good parts of life, but its still hard. He is still selfish if you ask me, that he never approaches the subject or tries to make things better but I do love him.

It's very frustrating to be in a sexless marriage. We question, we doubt ourselves and we go through the roller coaster of anger, frustration, sadness and despair. I suggest you write a story and post it on ILIASM if you are so inclined. Writing about it and putting the whole thing out in the world helps me/us to understand your particulars and for me at least, it helped me to start putting together my thoughts and feelings in a way that made things more clear for me. That led to a more empowered place for me. Maybe it would for you too?

I very well may take on that idea. Thank you.

Thank you HHNFLM. But I have to tell you I sat here giggling while reading your entire post. If you knew me at all you too would be ROTFL at what you just said to me!

well sweetheart,take the video, and all your other gear, and find someone that will be more than willing to encourahge and share in the's time.

What if you have said all of the things to them but there's no response?

It would be nice to hear some compassion in this posting from neuilly. If you have never lived in one of these sexless, touchless, non-intimacy marriages it's hard to relate. What I do hear in your comments, however, is the fact that I made my choices to STAY in an unfulfilling marriage. And, the only person I can change in this relationship is ME. And it is time for ME to move my *** out of here and FIND that wonderful, sexual, loving, let's talk about love and intimacy and fun woman that has to be out there someplace... before I die. Thanks for that kick in the rear-end. In the end, I am the only one who can change my cirumstances. So true...

Reading Neulilly's follow-ups says they know the issues (have been there, done that) and it's our choices which hold us back. I apologise for suggesting they don't understand. The only person who can ACT and CHANGE their life is ME. I agree fullly. Now, to have the "balls" to do it and find what I need to be hapy and fulfilled in the last chapter of my life.

22 More Responses

<p>well..i hear a lot of talkin..and no action...sooo. make a video..send it to the've got nothing to loose..start playing the game by ...your rules.....not theirs...</P>

"Nothing to lose"...are you kidding? How many times do you think an ego can take rejection? My husband has rejected me so many times I can't count without losing my mind. When discussing it once again a couple of weeks ago he trotted out his old excuse that he's "afraid of me" and hence it's my fault he's unable to perform. I've never done anything to make him fearful in any way. Never done anything but support him in his career and the household, where I always out-earned him BTW. But I'll say that last time he said that was the last time I'll stand and hear that from his lips.

Like Cathy Bates as Deloris Claibourne said after being smashed up by her husband once again; "That is the last time you ever hit me! Next time, one of us is going to the bone yard." Just change "hit" to "refuse" and you'll understand that your blithe "nothing to lose" may be everything for some of us. There are limits to the amount of torture a human mind can take. No, I won't harm my husband - but he is nothing but a ghost in my home - the same ghost my existence has been to him all these years. For my eternity his words will be ignored, his needs will be ignored, his complaints will be ignored except as one acquaintance would do for another.

Make a video. Yeah. Sure. That will fix it. The OP may well be at the same point. I don't think many come here with repairable relationships.

Ummm, as to talk and action -- I am not telling an action story. Do not forget when one spits with disdain about "women like that" it means my wife (through proof of inaction in the face of action) is "not that kind of girl." and said wife would not watch that kind of video. Rejection is hard but being put off as a sex crazed pervert is sort of the next layer. Made particularly funny as the lack intimacy and rejection tends to put one in the crazed mind set.

your missing the point..sometimes you just need to just do..make the video..go through the steps..delete..whatever..just .for once do what you want to do.
I was where you were..for a very long time. I now know .there are a lot of things like this..that i should have done very differently.

I get your point. I have made videos and made a friend or two along the way as well.

This is about "nirvana" - I have been in my M for over 20 years. I shall not go in to all the tricks and tips and tries and out of the box thinking that has proven - she needs the paradigm shift. It is not a complaint it is a reality:

Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.

Neo: What truth?

Spoon boy: There is no spoon.

Neo: There is no spoon?

Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

1 More Response

Lips through glass???!!! Gawd, what a pic! With the right lady, all you'll have to do is drag yourself up her nekkid oiled...... :-)

Hmmm - You win -- that is better visual than mine to be sure.

Phhbbbt. I used to be a 'woman like that', too. I actually picked up the remote from *his* end table just to change channels in the middle of that commercial.

I get that.

So what are you gonna do in protest, buy an iPhone?

Yes-- perfect idea. Or find the Ad guys and see if that actress is 1) Single and 2) did not have to lip synch her lines. :)

O how I am that woman on the inside! After years of pulling "stunts like that' (his words and reaction to my attempts to initiate intimacy) and being rejected and scoffed at I just cant get OUT of the steel emotional cage I have put myself in for protection.

I see movies where ads and movies make men look like they live for sex and cringe on the inside as to why the man I chose for life has never really been interested.

She says "You need sex more than I do" - I think "How lucky for you"

Onward and upward ladies and gents - nice to vent to kindred spirits

Ha. If I made a video like that I wouldn't have to worry about my husband watching it on the plane -- or anywhere else. He's the one who hauls out the sneer about "women like that". It's tough all around.

Oh sweetie - you will!

At your age and with the right decisions soon your pain will only be a rough patch in life's rear view mirror.

At age 25 I walked out of a long term relationship (different problem) along with all of its collected accoutrements with nothing but the clothes on my back and my car. I never looked back and have never regretted my decision. No, there are no guarantees in life - but there is no change without action. (Something I'm trying to initiate in my own arena.) Courage!

Yes, that one was more salt in the wounds.