Here Is A Reason To Not Stay For The Children

I have eluded to a damaged childhood.. boo hoo..

But for those that want to 'stay for the children'. here is a perspective.

My father was choking on vomit in the bathroom, I ran in, I had no idea what was going on .  My mother said let him choke..

I ran next door to a neighbor and banged on the door.  The whole family came running over to comfort my mother. 
Oh sorry to leave you all hanging.  No he did not die, but things just got worse.  He left as soon as I graduated hi school.  I moved the day after I turned 18.   The only reason I even wrote this story last night was as adults we have so much to overcome when a childhood filled with coping.  But the good news is, we don't all walk around as zombies, some actually make a place for themselves in this world.

Sexless marriage is a real setback and those who are afraid to leave, need to really get a hold of their fear.
Windylindy Windylindy
56-60, F
8 Responses Nov 7, 2012

Thank you

Thank you.

Country I wrote this to a response I made on ACHANGEWILLDO YOU GOOD'S Story regarding Perception and Prospective. I kind of pulled this story out of my bag of childhood stories.

My dad is very abusive verbally, my sisters and I grew up differently,
my eldest thinks that fighting with her husband only makes their bond stronger( she sounds a lot like my mom) My youngest doesn't really give a ****, and verbally abuses her bf and is a refuser herself.
Me? I don't stand for it, I don't like seeing it, and I don't like hearing about it, living in their home didn't didn't expose me to that as "being the norm" it made me hate them and I didn't want it for myself.
So I am a great example how no matter what the parents do or don't do the kids grow up and develop differently regardless of the up bringing, nature vs nurture I always say.

Are you in a sexless marriage?

LOL Are you?
whats your point?
And yes I was in a SM.

No I have left read my stories. Laugh all you want, I know it helps. Hugs.

I meant LOL as in ha, not I'm laughing at you.
And yes laughter is the best medicine.
I still don't understand why you asked me if I was in a SM, I thought I made a very valid point about bringing up kids and what not.

1 More Response

Great story. My dad was a "functional" alcoholic, which I later found out meant that he managed to function well at work, but home life was misery. He and my mom constantly bickered - they didnt bicker in front of us until we were older - if you consider 8 older. He whacked big sis around every now and then and I was lucky as he just ignored me.

Mom was very unhappy and she considered leaving him a few times, but stayed "for the sake of the kids". Both big sis and me have many hangups, probably stemming from seeing the crap that went on during our childhood. Big sis and I often wonder how things would have been if Mom left dad. Who knows but staying together because of the kids doesnt necessarily make things better. When they reach a certain age, Children are very aware of what goes on in the house.

Big sis ran away a few times and got out of the house when she was 20. She ended up marrying a man who was just like dad. That ended after a few short years of disappointment, He didnt hit her, but he didnt know how to show love.

I married a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad and after 24 pretty good years, the marriage became sexless and comfortable which, 16 years later, I realized meant stale, boring and dull. We are divorcing now. It took quite sometime for me to lose my fear of being alone, but it's all for the best. I wish I had done it years ago....Thanks again Windylindy

My father was verbally and emotionally abusive to my mom and sis, too. I dont think that he ever hit mom. He ignored me almost completely which I suppose was emotional abuse, too. It took us years to understand him and let it go - long after he died.

There are many excellent arguments that dysfunctional marriages are NOT good environments for children.
I don't think there are too many that claim dysfunctional marriages are GOOD for kids.

What you tend to run into is the claim that "the marriage isn't actually dysfunctional", or "it ain't that dysfunctional" or "at least he doesn't belt me". Or "we don't fight in front of the kids"

Tread your own path.

Imagine two nuns living together in a purely platonic setup. One is asexual, the other needs to moan by herself once in a while. They are friends and bring up a child together with love. My prognosis: possible cluelessness about romantic relationships, but no scars.

No character either. That crazy sun is blinding me.

Replace nun with Zen monks if you feel like. Doesn't matter. Sexually normal people may choose celibacy for any number of reasons; if they are not breaking a social contract, who's to blame them?

I agree. While I don't think I'm modeling an ideal, loving, affectionate marriage for my kids, H is a good father and we are on friendly terms in the home. I feel this is better for them than a divorce.

I was trying to respond under ulae...sorry

2 More Responses

Yes this is the exact same thing everyone in a SM is putting their kids through!
WTF, really?

Oceansun I merely wrote this story as a sidebar to a comment I had made on CWDYG's story. Point being, perhaps some, not all people stay in a sm because of certain things they have been thru in childhood. I figure most sm's aren't this abusive or dsyfunctional, but just the same, the children learn thru watching the growups round them. Also, so have fear of leaving because they have been so beaten down by the sear frustration of trying to maintain so type of normalcy in their sm's. Just sayin......

'some' not 'so' silly me...

I didn't read the other story, so this hit me like, HUH?
Anyways every situation is different, so it's just another point of view.

I watched my father break my mother's arm over a railing during a rare argument. I was 5. He didn't remember it the next day, even though he cried his eyes out and took us all to the hospital so she could have her arm set....yeesh.