One Step Forward - Two Steps Back

Today I commented on a story. Here is what I said:

"This morning as she was waking up I snuggled up to her, kneading her upper back and shoulders that she had liked so much, running my hands down her spine. Caressing her, I slipped off her panties, holding her against me, continuing my caresses. The result - no reaction, no sense of her enjoyment: nothing. I feel like crying."

I am beyond dismayed.  That's all I want to discuss right now as I do not want to dwell on this because I fear my reaction will go from anger to rage.
GTR1400 GTR1400
61-65, M
6 Responses Nov 8, 2012

Marriage is not about sex. If she isn't responding to you then it may have to do with something that is going on inside her. Is she stressed? Is she depressed about something?

I know that to be true. You are correct. But that is not all there is. Sex doesn't hold a marriage together. Love does. I know this from experience. I learned alot being married to a sex addict in the past. I tell you this if you don't have love and trust in your marriage then nothing matters. Mates should never be pissed of when there loved one doesn't want to have sex.

Friendship is a part of love. :)

I just want to say, after reading some of the responses, anger and rage are not unreasonable or inappropriate responses emotionally. I feel that a lot with rejection and I think many people do, especially when the rejection is from someone you've given yourself over to completely. It's your reaction to those two emotions that can be damaging, wrong and inappropriate. As long as you can control your outward reaction and control where those emotions go, I don't think those emotions are unnatural in this situation.

Is the body of evidence approaching your threshold ?

Are you prepared for when it does ?

Tread your own path.

Nearly. I am prepared and have an appointment to see a lawyer.

This is beyond cruel. If you decide to leave, don't allow her to get away with "But I haven't done anything to you", will you? Remind her of this (and probably many other) actions that speak of unutterableselfishness and lack of love for you. {{{Hugs}}}

"I think all we ever really have is the hope that the other person feels about us the way we feel about them. That we can kindle that fire in them. That they are willing and intent to do the same for us. "

I SO understand this, but . . . as other ILIASMers have said before:
"Hope is your enemy."

Living in hope has you always wanting . . . even if you DO get the "intimacy, mutual support, respect, appreciation ", I doubt very much if you will get the "combined effort". Because what she wants and what you want are incompatible.

How would you react if her fervent hope was that you would joined her in a combined effort to dull or (better still) eliminate your sexual desires? COULD you commit to "combined effort" in a cause that ran contrary to who you really are? Can your wife do this . . . . ??? Even if she says it and means it at one level, can she truly COMMIT to doing / being something that runs contrary to her true nature??

Have you read the Wtf stories and threads on ILASM? They might help you put what has happened in its setting, and maybe use your emotions to get clarity and determination.

Not sure what you were seeking here, sorry anyway. I remember feeling bereft and gutted, I couldn't speak or breathe.

I feel for you, sounds horrible.
How long have you been married?

33 years

I hate to say it but maybe things have run its course.
Its better to be happy apart than sad together.