:::transformed:::Ok, I am not just posting this to brag or show off! But I feel like now that I have escaped the total mind **** of a SM---the confusion, the heartbreak, the ego bruising, the loneliness, the disappointment, the emptiness, etc---I want to share how completely transformative it is to have a wonderful sex life with someone who is NOT screwed up!
Granted, my love affair is brand new and who knows how long it will last? But who cares, in a way---it proves to me that a dream can come true. I always hoped I'd have this kind of connection with a man, but I didn't know if it was just some Hollywood-generated stupid fantasy or if it could actually happen. Maybe no one has it.
I mean, I've had good sex before---I've had sex where there was an intense attraction, I've had sex with someone I love, and I've had sex with someone who was gifted in bed. But this is the first time I've had ALL THREE. With someone who is almost unbelievably (esp coming out of a SM) open and creative and free and generous and intense and exciting and has fun with his sexuality.
I feel like a cartoon character that was clunked on the head, a bobblehead with little birdies flying around. It's shocking and WONDERFUL. I feel desired, I feel understood, I feel seen, I feel loved.
How could I ever go back to having to convince my H that I'm desirable? That he should have sex with me? That my needs are important? I now know with total certainty: I AM DESIRABLE. Wildly so, it would appear, from 3 times a day for 8 days and tons of cuddling and talking and laughing and dancing and other affection in between. It's not just sex, or just feelings of love, or just attraction, or just friendship. It's all of those but something primal and deep too. All I can say is, I've never felt it before now, but it exists!
I was terrified, just like everyone else, that if I left my SM I would just wind up in the same situation with someone else, again and again for eternity---trapped in a sexual frustration feedback loop.
So if you are scared of that too, or don't believe it can happen to you, I'm here to tell you: Don't be scared, or at least don't let fear keep you trapped. Because it can happen to you. And most likely, it will!
nyartgal 36-40, F 22 Responses 31 Nov 8, 2012