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I Had A Strange Dream, What Do You Think?

I am posting this here because it has to do with the SM I am living in. I have been contemplating divorce for some time now as some of you can attest to.  I am having difficulties with vacillating because I don't want to hurt anyone, most of all my children, anyway, I was wondering what your interpretation of this dream was as my therapist and I disagree on what it meant.  BTW, I think that I am ready to make the decision, it is just a matter of timing now as money needs to be saved, etc.

I was walking down a path, holding my H's hand.  It was beautiful, warm, and sunny and we were happy and talking/joking around having a good time.  The farther we walked down the path, the darker things got.  Eventually, we weren't holding hands anymore and it was silent and very dark.  We then came to a clearing on the path with a fork in the road.  It was still dark and the path to the right was blocked and treacherous looking, however, I could see that if I could just get through the obstacles, it would be beautiful, sunny, and warm again.  The path going to the left was dark but there were no obstacles, that's where my H stood waiting for me with his hand outstretched.

In this dream, I chose to take the easy path with him.  The farther along we walked the more I seemed to fade and disappear.  Inevitably, I disappeared completely and became a shadow following my husband, his shadow.  There was no more me at all.  I woke up feeling unnerved and even a little frightened.

When I told this to my therapist, who I am contemplating firing, he said it meant that I needed to lose myself in the marriage, that we need to merge and become one to help the marriage survive.  This is where I am feeling like, what about me?  Why do I have to disappear?  Anyway, he asked me what I thought it meant.  I told him that it scared me and that I was afraid I was losing myself and that I would be lost forever, there would be no more me, ever.

So,  what do you all think this means?  I am interested in your perspectives on what you all think this is representative of.  Thanks everyone.
greenpfenig greenpfenig 46-50, F 14 Responses Nov 8, 2012

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Get a good phsycologist and dont settle for anything less.

I think your dream is telling you to choose a different path in life.

Start with a good doc and move on to the relationship at a later time.

I got goosebumps reading your dream. I agree that your dream is symbolic of your SM marriage. I believe your subconscious mind is trying to tell you something through your
dream.

If I were to make a guess at interpretating, I would say:

The beginning of the path represents the beginning of your marriage, you were happy then. But over the years (further down the path), you became unhappy (things got dark). There is no physical intimacy (no more holding hands), no emotional intimacy (silence).
The clearing on the path is where you are right now, ie., at a crossroad.

The path to the right represents the path you will have to take if you decide to leave your husband. It will be diffcult at first, treacherous even, but if you get through this obstacle, you believe you can find happiness again.

The path to the left represents the path you will take if you decide to stay in your marriage. You fear that you will lose yourself (disappear) in your marriage and become a shadow of yourself, walking in your husband's shadow, I think!

Does this makes any sense? This darkness you see in your dream, could it be depression?

This really brings to mind the poem "The Road not Taken" by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
-- I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference

OMG I LOVE this poem. LOVE it. Thank you.

Thank you so much for posting this. It is beautiful and very meaningful for me and where I am right now. I am going to confront my therapist at our next meeting and inside, I know what I am going to do with my H. I just have to figure out how and when to approach him and take care of telling him I want the divorce. I am still concerned about my children but I think it will be better in the long run.

The answer is within you. No therapist can tell you how to be happy or what to do. You know what you must do.

If I were to make a guess about your dream, I'd guess that you feel as though staying in the marriage will cause you to fade away. You believe that the easy path is the expected path for you to take. You also believe that if you take the easy path, you will be hopelessly lost.

I suggest that you first talk to yourself and then talk to your husband. After the talking is done, do what you need to do to be happy. Life is too short to make yourself sad by sticking with easy paths. You may stay. You may go. The important thing is that you choose what you choose to do.

Thank you, this helped a lot.

When I asked my therapist what he thought about a certain dream I had he replied that the dream was of my own making and that I was the only one who created it and the only one who knew why.

Therefore, there is no mystery to dreams ... they come out of our own sub-conscious minds. I am sure you can understand the dream story line if you are honest with your feelings. Good Luck!

I have been in therapy and agree that you need to find a new therapist ASAP! Dreams can be in direct response to life or they can be just dreams but this one says a lot.

What any competent therapist does is give a client tools to make decisions, not tell a client what to do. He or she is missing the mark here. Saying that you need to lose yourself in the marriage is saying that you need to lose who you are as a person.

A marriage is a contract that both parties expect certain things from. It is not a contract that demands a person to lose who they are. Their needs and wants. You are paying money to a therapist who appears to be following his or her agenda and not what is healthy for the client who is primary. Peace,D

Marriage is meant to work for you, not the other way around. I agree that you should lose the therapist and don't just let him fade away, fire his ***.

Yes, this. Your therapist is supposed to be Team You. Only couples counselors can ethically be working on behalf of the marriage, and even they should face up to reality when one is too far gone to save!

The thing I've learned about dreams is they really aren't what they seem.

I would say that you have fear of not being in the marriage. Leaving the marriage means taking the path that he's not on, yet taking the path with him leaves you fading away. That fading could be integration where you become one with the shadow or it could be disappearing as though you don't exist.

I think it's clear you have a choice to make and it's fear that's keeping you from making it. Your psyche is trying to help you.

No. It means your subconscious sees that if you stay with your husband, that you will become more and more his appendage, a shadow version of him...and that your self will be lost....<br />
Let me ask: Do you feel you have to fight tooth and nail to do things the way you want?Are your needs subordinated to his wants? Do you feel put down, ignored, neglected?<br />
<a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-In-A-Troubled-Marriage/2520019" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a> Caution, my mind tends to use fecal metaphors when I dream...comes from working in a nursing home once.

To answer your questions, yes to all. I do often feel that if I want something I have to fight for it or at the very least present a valid argument. His needs always seem to come first and he ignores me almost constantly, neglected totally, although he says he is trying to fix things and I often feel like I am not good enough. That is how this all started, because I finally started to get strong enough to stand up for myself. Still working on it, but getting stronger.

That was my marriage...Today I was thinking about the lightswitch incident. I had a 30 minute argument in which I said I needed the porch light left on in order to get to the front door safely. She finally verbally agreed to leave it on. Then kept forgetting and turning it off. One night I came home in a sour mood, tripped on a bucket left on the dark porch...
I turned the light on, then stuffed the switch under the strike plate and screwed the plate back on.
...Apparently this made me some sort of bizarre maniac to her.

But it was ok for her to argue with me for half an hour because I did not want to get hurt or step in dog poo, and I wanted ONE D@MN LIGHTBULB left on?
Really? All that and no sex too? Gawd!
My STBX is a control freak from hell, and I'm looking in the rearview, wondering why I put up with it for so long.

Good for you Hylierandom!!! I hope to be looking in the rear view myself!

Um, easy and dark path versus narrow and difficult but with sunshine at the end...its a no brainer. Fading out into shadows and becoming consumed by your refuser versus becoming whole in sunlight...no brainer. Any Jungian worth his salt will tell you that. Your psyche, your soul, is talking to you.

I'd fire that therapist as well.

hi Green, wow, i think this is dream is clear and symbolic. it seems to be represent your marriage/life (altho some experts/psychologists say that a person does not have to represent the person in the dream or even a person at all). ur dream summarizes the story you have shared about ur relationship. problems arose in your marriage over time until you reached a point where a decision needed to be made. either go thru a tremendous turmoil, albeit temporarily, to get to blue skies and happiness. or follow your husband and stay with the gloomy status quo. while doing so, like everyone said incl you, losing yourself. sure merging and FORGING with ur husband makes sense but not at the cost of losing urself. plus, i think its interesting that ur husband did not lose his identity during this dream. having seen several therapists, some better than others, if ur not comfortable w him and unsure of his therapeutic abilities, it is time to walk. i think faith and trust are important in a doctor/patient relationship, too. good call. and good luck :o)

I think your therapist is half right. You and husband need to merge. By that, I mean he needs to have sex with you so your soul does not evaporate.

Fire that idiot.

I think if you are into dream interpretation at all you can see this dream means that you are losing yourself in this marriage, and you need to find another way to get back to yourself.

Yes your therapist is an id10t.