A Strange HappeningMany of you here on ILIASM have followed my stories since I became a member here back in 2008. Many of you are unfamiliar with me but what happened last week to me ties into my life here as a member of this group.
What this story relates to is the common fear of what might happen to our relationships with our children should we leave a bad marriage and how this might affect future ties to those children even if they are adults at the time of the split.
For those members who know, my leaving my very bad marriage ended up in one of the worst things any human being can face. My ex-to-be committed suicide in the family home. He also planned on killing me and others. As a result my son and daughter, his stepchildren, severed all ties with me, their mother. It was a bad time and one that life never prepares anyone for in its brutal and sad happening.
My son and daughter were newly married and had their own homes and lives. Something I am grateful for but we all went through pure hell. Even their awareness of the misery and fear I lived with for many years was over shadowed by their stepfather's actions.
I had not heard my son's voice since 2010. Messages and phone calls and cards to both of my children were met with silence. My daughter did contact me in 2012 but that ended in her attacking me with false and intimidating words on her part. I wrote about this here as my pain at being cut out of my baby granddaughter's life was incredibly heartbreaking. Up until that point, I believed in her promises of a relationship with her and this baby that she used as a tool to hurt me. Her actions have no ambiguity in them.
A dear girlfriend who lives near my son had told me that she would look in the birth announcements and let me know when his baby was born. I knew of the pregnancy from my daughter but she told me not to contact her brother as he wanted nothing to do with me. I believed her.
Last Friday my husband and I walked in and the phone message option was bl
I am a grandmother again! A healthy little boy and we talked for a long time. He told me about the delivery and his life and plans. That he is happy to know that I am settled and happy. That he wants to put the past in the past and that we are welcome to visit anytime that we are in the area. That he wants to talk more to me and it was like the talks we always had before the bad time. We laughed and he told me about kind deeds he did for the neighbors. That he is advancing with his company and is being groomed for a larger position.
He also told me about emotional issues that he is addressing and working on. Seeking professional help for certain problems. He was mature and respectful and funny and the last words were "I love you Mom".
Now what is strange is that later that evening I got a call back from my girlfriend and she and I were dumbfounded when she told me that she had never called me that night!
To anyone here in this group who fears estrangement from children if they leave a bad marriage, I know this fear well. Not before the fact because I, as my husband, believed that these relationships are a given. It all depends on the individual. Some people are supportive and some are not. We all own our choices. A lot depends on the ex. A lot depends on who our children truly are. Time can bring about a positive change. And then again not. That is life.
I am happy that my son chose to be a son. I am also sad that my daughter's actions are causing her pain. I find myself going back to the Law of Karma. The intent of actions. My intentions bring me a great deal of inner peace now however life is a strange thing at times. Peace,D