Spent The Day With My Friend

I spent the day with my friend, and during our time (whether it be me watching her do her routine or us talking,) I would have these flashback thoughts, where I would find myself comparing moments with her and me to moments with my ex and me.
And It really made feel certain that I am okay.

I’m the kind of person that likes to be prepared. So I have been thinking of many scenarios of what if. Now just to be real, I thought one of these scenarios of, what if my ex took himself to counseling and got all this help and was following every protocol to a “T.” And let’s just say he sounded like a new man. Now, if you asked would I give him a chance. The answer is easy, NO.

My reason, is simple, how can I go back and look at him again and not be reminded of what I went through, and what us represented then. I would not be okay and my heart would never be completely open to him, and that alone, is not fair to anyone.

On the counseling bit: If my ex did take counseling I would be very surprise, this is why.

In one of our "breaking ups" ( which means he asks me to prove to him that I want to "fix me," because I was causing all the problems)

This was the last time I mentioned to him that I wanted counseling (every time before was a no) He said what gave you that idea? I said they are professional, and this is what they specialize in. He then flipped out and banged his fist on the desk and said, I’m your f****** counselor, you don’t want to listen to me! You treat me like pure garbage, He then said, fine! go to a counslor and screw around on him and mess up his life, like you have mine, he then wnet on to victimizing himself further by saying, I treat him like trash, I have no respect for him, and I treat him like S***.

KaeCo KaeCo
5 Responses Nov 9, 2012

Stay gone!
That guy is nuckin' futz!

Oh, yeah!

People can change. And I hope your ex does change, for his sake and especially for the sake of the next woman who comes along. But I agree it's incredibly unlikely - like winning lottery ticket unlikely.

But let's say he does change, gets counselling etc, etc. you're so right to stay out of it. He's killed your love. And old relationship patterns would make it harder for him stay changed.

Besides you deserve healing space and a new life.

I thought the same too.

I'm not sure if it will ever be possible but if he could ever get himself into a place of being healed, one day I would like to be able to tell him, I'm okay and for him not to feel bad.

You have a big heart, KaeCo.

Too big. Something about that bothers me. Please don't worry about his happily ever after. And for goodness sake, he SHOULD feel bad. And if he doesn't, he hasn't healed.

Thank you Lee, for your comment. Though, I have never seen myself as having a big heart, but just as someone, who wishes well for others, despite the good and / or the bad. I like to be positive, and sure I want complete closure from all of this one day.

elkclan: You are so right ----> "he should feel bad. And if he doesn't he hasn't healed."

You speak the truth, thank you elkclan.

1 More Response

He is absolutely psychotic. I am so glad you are away from him.

Me too!

wow! how in the hell is a husband your counselor. good thing you're gettin out!

lol! I know right! That was his way of controlling me. He did whatever he could do, to keep me away from any influence that he thought would change my mind about; me, him or us.

My friend from college, he didn't like her. He would take cheap shots at her and then say, why are you hanging out with her (she's twice my age and he would use that as ammo too.) I thought he was being a brat and that maybe it was a jelousy issue as I didn't understand how he really was then, and I would ignore him, and see my friend without him knowing and I'm really glad I did.

yeah not a good situation

Personality disorder perhaps? .....HIS!

Ha ha, Oh yes!

Thank you! Yes, he's defines a narcissist very well. Besides the abuse. In the every times that he would want all of my attention, when he so desired, it would not matter if I was nice to him and say, Oh, I can't stay with you right now I'm in the middle of cleaning xyz, I'm sorry. He would either A. Say okay and be quiet, then, later I would get some crap from him, and then I'm spending the rest of the day or next few days tip toeing around him. Or B he would just pout and act like a child, and give me an attitude, with the added bonus of him doing his usual attack(s) later.

Ooooooh joy! (sarcasm)