So Sad Tonight

Tonight is our anniversary. We did nothing at all to celebrate. No drinks together, no dinner out, no nothing. He's not a super romantic man but usually we go out to dinner for our anniversary. His parents watch our child for us. This morning he didn't say a word about it, not until a few minutes ago when he was going to bed early. A kiss on the forehead and a "oh, happy anniversary. going to bed. tired tonight."

I didn't expect to make love. Maybe I hoped for it but I kind of know better by now than to let that actually get my hopes up. Sometimes I wish he were abusive or harsh or difficult to get along with or was not taking care of me and our son well so I could have a reason to leave. As it stands there is nothing that appears to be wrong enough to go while I have a small child. Nothing that I would feel good enough about breaking up a not-happy but not-as-bad-as-some family.

I've been thinking about 'outsourcing' lately. I signed up for one of those affair sights and got almost 400 messages in a few days. Most were crude and really not what I would be seeking. So while I'm kind of headed down this path I kind of dread it at the same time. I don't think about an affair and get excited. I think about it and feel sad for how far our relationship has fallen and a bit resentful that I may have to do this or get a divorce and then do this to get my needs to feel sexual and sexy met.

It makes me so sad tonight.
lovedbymany lovedbymany
36-40, F
7 Responses Nov 10, 2012

That sounds just like the 35th anniversary we didn't celebrate a few weeks ago. So sorry :(

Wow. I'm so sorry. I know exactly how that feels...and then I see the lengths that some of my friends and their husbands go to in order to celebrate and appreciate each other and I just want to throw things. Why not me? Why not us? Sounds like you are younger than I am doesn't get any better, and your kids don't need you any less when they are teenagers. If you can get out and find a way to live again, get out while you're young enough to really make the most of it.

Sorry you had such a sucky anniversary :(

Wow... The more I read this site, the more I find that people go trough the same disappointments and frustrations... I feel your pain... I guess they avoid celebrating anniversaries because it relates to intimacy...We kind of expect or hope that we are going to be touched after dinner and taken to bed to celebrate our many years together making love... And what really happens is they kiss you good night or turn on the television on their favorite show... Im 41 and you are younger than me... We need better... We deserve better!

i'm older than you and it didn't get better, i just got more angry. you know "I'm mad as hell and i won't take it anymore!" another thing, the courage it takes to make a move affects other areas in life - i've gotten a promotion at work..good stuff. btw, not feeling really mad - tho i do wish i had done this earlier...when we split, and i said "why didn't you tell me earlier you could never do intimacy" he said "you should have known by my lack of progress. touche.

Its just so sad to hear the true... Good luck to you ...

For some people in a SM this appears to be an answer. Having a relationship and yet keeping the marriage intact. No judgement from me. We all have to try and find ways to feel alive and wanted. For most of us it may become very hard to compartmentalize our lovers from the reality of a SM. Be prepared for the complications that will arise from this decision and they will happen. If you can separate an affair from reality, then go for it knowing the possible consequences that can result. Peace,D

I feel your sadness. These people live in a bubble, thinking we will never burst it......


Btw, Happy Aniversary, (((hugs))

Thank you for your support. My bubble is expanding... the thing about bubbles is if they get to big, they burst. I have talked till I am blue in the face about my needs but I don't think he gets it.

i am sorry. i've just left my sexless marriage. my children are teenagers. my husband was loyal, did a ton of stuff for the family, all the cooking,earned a living etc etc. but no sex. no closeness. sometimes, no talking. i finally had an affair, after 18 years. not even "an affair", i would go with outsourced, i told my husband i was going to do it, and i told him that i did do it. and then - i didn't want to stay married to him. once i felt passion again, and experienced a man wanting me again, well, i just have to shake my head and say "no way" and i wish we had broken up years ago. i want to LIVE while i'm alive and a passionless, sexless, partner and marriage does not fit. now i am clearing the way to create what i want. so that's more than my 02 worth. i just posted about being single after sexless marriage - i am finding that there are quite a few opportunities out there...i stayed so long because i hoped, tryed, bargained, discussed, cryed etc. etc. for many years. i'm glad i still have a chance. keep us posted and good luck

You poor creature... I find myself alone; married to my best friend: but like you'no sex. My first wait was 28 years. This is my second wait: another 28 years. I like you realize I can't wait forever. People say I'm a douch bag for waiting so so long. But what can I say. I believed in giving my wife a chance to come around. Now I realize that hell will freeze over before that happens. So the NEW **** in the house is me.

Good for you... I really envy your courage right now