Important To Know The Positive HappeningsAs many of us experience in the group, many times stories are about the negative things we go through. During those times we find it hard to walk through the morass of anger, uncertainty, loss of family and friends and income.
My last story was all about a very positive event after a long estrangement from my son. It is important to share this with all of you because it shows that life can take a turn for the better. The pendelum finally starts to swing the other way back from the dark into the sunlight as it always does.
Waiting this swing out is the hard part because one is filled with many emotions. Anger at rejection from others. Being blamed without asking why we changed our lives. People walking away from us that we believed were family and friends. It is hard for sure at a time when we need support and understanding.
If past connections are strong enough, reconciliation can happen. In my son's case, I never put his father down to him. My ex, his father had many good qualities. My son's father, my ex, had been killed at work when my son was 12. The same age I was when my father died. One day some years after his death, my son started talking to me about how badly his dad had treated me at times. I immediately told my son that his father had a disease. Alcoholism. That his hurt towards me was a result of something that had fierce control over his mind. It was important for my son to know the good in his dad because he is a part of his father. Why we talked a great deal last week about his dad and why my grandson's middle name is after my ex's. A tribute to a good man why tried but was a prisoner of his drinking. A positive way to honor a good man's memory.
When we have children, they will be affected by divorce in some ways. In my case, the suicide clouded the facts of my leaving however it did bring out exactly who my son and daughter are as adults. I am not totally surprised at the outcomes so far. My husband has a much harder time because certain people are enabling the continuing rift with his son and daughter. His realization of this has made him quite hard inside. I support his feelings but feel sad for both my husband and his children and now grandchildren. They are missing out on a wonderful human being. I cannot see how any reconciliation with his children will be possible now. Miracles do happen however.
For those of you who worry about losing your children if you leave, it may happen. Perhaps for a short time and then again years. It is your personal choice and reasons to either stay or leave. The positive that happens if you leave and are rejected is this. You will and can make peace with this. My husband is funny and kind and is highly spoken of at his hospital. We share a peaceful and loving life in spite of rejections and accusations. In fact it is the best life either of us has ever had.
My children and especially my son are acting respectful towards us as a married couple now. His actions are a bonus for us but it does not change the joy that we experience each day as husband and wife. Other couples feel this way also. Time does appear to be a healer. There are no guarantees with children but our strong marriage is a given. A positive. Peace, Grandma D