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Just About To Give Up

I am so tired of feeling undesirable. We once had a great sex life, now maybe and that's a BIG maybe we will have sex once a month. Its always a good feeling when we do have it but its not often enough. He is taking more meds and he says he thinks about it all the time but.....he will not talk about it and he says he loves me. He is not having an affair , or if he is he's really good as he never goes any place for more then 20 minutes, I just don't understand it and most days I want to just scream. I cry a lot, real tired of feeling so lonely. Any one out there have any suggestions? I have done everything I can think of!
Thanks for listening to this!
illegalsmile illegalsmile 61-65, F 4 Responses Nov 11, 2012

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The feed back I have gotten has been great!!! I feel like I may actually be able to do something about all this. Thank you, all of you for responding to this story.

When I joined EP I wrote about being in a sexless marriage. I got therapy and went through the aches and all. However, my husband and I are better housemates. We have come to our own personal agreement about how to handle our marriage. As a result, I feel gloriously free, we are closer, and have each others back. He did not want a divorce and I was ok with that. I now have my own space/ we do not sleep together and now I can breathe. Marriage should come with an expiration date and couples should choose to renew. How about that?

Sounds as if first of all there needs to be a heart to heart with his MD- lots of medication effects can be mediated by change in doses, change in meds. If this is not helpful, other causes may be responsible and can possibly be treated. By all means let your husband know how seriously you are affected and that you are very unhappy so the MD visit is not optional. If he does love you and is only able to perform once a month, he should be willing to do this even if he finds it embarassing or difficult. Has he another health issue such as diabetes or long term smoking [by no means all]? Nerve and blood vessel damage can lead to erectile dysfunction as well. At any rate the MD can help isolate the cause and modify the factors causing the problems. Best of luck to you

Actually yes he was diagnosed with diabetes not long ago however, he says he doesn't have it. Your answer really helped me a lot. He would NEVER let me go to the doctor with him, he gets all weird about that.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to me

hi there .
well if he really loves you , you should be happy about it :)
and you know what they say about sex , you just can't get enough .And if sex is really that important to you , than try hard to bring back the old times . A candle lit dinner with some romantic background music is a start .
My suggestion would be to pick up a hobby or recreational activity . It will really help you take your mind off all the negatives .
Exchange presents often and share your day with each other , tell one another that you Love'em . i guess this should do the trick .
Thanks for reading this and i hope you have a great relationship with your husband and Life .

Yes, you are right I am happy that he loves me. I will try to stop obsessing over all this. It is pretty silly of me. I am lucky its not something awful that has caused him to lack interst ( a nother women)
Thank you for responding to me

He is the worst communicator I have ever known, and he admits to this. I am lonely, I miss him, he won't talk I really have given up. I feel like I am wrong to feel this way but yet I don't know how else to feel. Its so selfish of him to not talk to me aboout this. Somedays I wonder why I am even still here. 5 years is not a long time to be with somone but he was my last rodeo. I can't just pick up and move out like I once did. I am 64. We are not married, I amnot sure if I would marry him now. We haven't talked about any of that for long time. I just feel so damn sad for us

Communication has always been my best fried. I haven't got that with this man. I wonder what I thnk I do have with him!

"goodmonk" is giving sex advice? I thought monks were celebate...

BAD sex advice too.

It is, a lot of a man's identity is tied up in two areas: job and bedroom. It's bad enough when you lose an erection through non ED-related causes (stress, fatigue, etc...) . But the kicker is that it is usually treatable. The trick for the guy is to understand that it is treatable, that it isn't about his self-worth, and then do something about it.

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