Bewitched, Bothered And BewilderedThe Anatomy Of Closure
You have sex.
It's not that great.
You wonder why because it's so different from your other experiences.
You ignore why you wonder.
You have sex some more.
None of it is ever great.
You don't have sex on your wedding night or anytime reasonably thereafter.
You're often hurt and confused.
This hurt and confusion manifests one/some or all of many ways:
It goes on for years.
The missing piece eludes you but you know in the dark depths of your heart what it is.
You occasionally fight about "it."
The sex is grudging, short and non satisfying.
It is usually one-sided.
Other problems arise in the marriage that you don't handle "so well" because your mind is clouded/confused/dissatisfied over the "other" problem.
Hatred creeps in.
The fights get vicious.
You start marriage therapy.
Things go from bad to worse.
The counselor looks hopelessly and helplessly from one of you to another.
S/he (counselor) starts to make "those" statements.
One moves out of the marital bed.
You're hurt more.
Things begin to explode.
You discover this site.
You realize you're not alone.
You begin to see what is what and why "why" is why and all that.
You begin to feel some empowerment.
You begin to allow yourself to feel and express the frustration.
You start looking around.
The fog begins to clear.
(Feel free to add your experiences/steps.)