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Lonely

Well after reading some stories I see that I am not alone. I have been married for 24 years. Sex was never really important to her to begin with and then after menopause it disappeared. That was about 15 years ago. We now are roommates, separate bedrooms and all. I have asked her to go with me for counseling to no avail. I am lonely and tired of always being turned down ( I keep trying ) I miss the cuddling, kissing etc.
I could use a friend to talk to as I can't admit this to anyone I know.
rac111 rac111 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 12, 2012

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Go do some individual counselling for yourself.

In dysfunctional marriages your thinking gets distorted and you start thinking weird **** and making uninformed choices.

A bit of help to get your thinking back on an even keel would likely see you sort this situation (or at least your continued participation in it) out.

Tread your own path.

If you are sleeping in seperate rooms what makes you think she will sleep with you? Why are you so disappointed?

Given your age range i would say you have about 10 good active years left before old age really sets in.

Wouldnt you rather spend them happy and with someone that can appreciate you and likes to be touched.

Perhaps some serious thought is needed on whether you still want to keep the sexless roomate in your life or pursue some happiness with whats left of yours.

Stay Strong & Good Luck

I couldn't admit this to anyone I knew either. I wouldn't even read up about it (I dismissed it all as quackery or the intellectual end of titillation/soft-****). When I finally 'came out of the closet' I discovered that a couple of my friends were, or had been, in the same boat. Talking is a good thing to do, it's at the core of a lot of analysis/therapy for very good reasons. I'm not suggesting you tell all and sundry, just that some of the people who care about you, might be far more understanding and supportive than you might realise (and not from the patronising or pitying point of view).

This is true. I felt very liberated by telling people my husband doesn't want to have sex with me. Nobody thought it was my fault.

I am dealing with something very similar... the loss of intimacy, loss of connection, all of it. It led to me moving out. I have since had a relationship with another woman, but I could not be with her without the feelings of guilt at my failed marriage and feeling like a bad father. So now, I'm probably moving back in with my wife. And the prospect of this makes me feel so damned empty and lonely, after experiencing real passion in my life. I feel as if I have to choose between being fulfilled or being a good father and husband. I don't know what to do and I am now having to leave work at times just to sob. I'm no longer attracted to my wife and I can't get those feelings back.

Basically, I feel you man. Please hang in there. I promise, I'll try to do the same.

ooohhhh...moving back? you might be the BEST father if you pursue being happy. i've read that people sometimes stay for the children, or LEAVE for the children, i.e. be a good role model in not accepting just anything, it has to be good enough. my husband and i've separated, we have two teens, this is much better than all the sublimating and frustration. i don't want my kids to have the kind of marriage the i have, i want to model a happy life...

-----" but I could not be with her without the feelings of guilt at my failed marriage and feeling like a bad father"

BEFORE you move back in you might want to seriously consider therapy to explore those feelings of guilt. You are returning out of guilt and not love so your situation is going to grow worse over time. Your feelings are GONE and moving back is going to increase the probability that everyone in the household, to include your children, will suffer.