Dont Know How Much More I Can Take

in a marriage now for ten years, woo freaking hoo, i love my wife but since we had our children she hates her body, and no matter how mushy i am or how beautiful i tell her she is to me -- she has just become an "angry all the time" person, our kids come to me and ask " why is mommy yelling again" all the time and then she gets more angry when the children want to be around me more than her. she is happy when we are shopping, briefly, we both work alot, but i always set aside time for us to be alone without the kids, never makes much of a difference, she will usually fall asleep, the only time i get to touch her is if she wants a back rub or something like that. i am a very sexual being, and it is driving me nuts not to be able to be with my wife!!!!!! aaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Evetspawn Evetspawn
41-45, M
6 Responses Nov 13, 2012

I remember the despair that I felt over the way my body looked after having children. (I still wanted to have sex with my husband.) I agree that she should have a full physical and the the possibility of depression, hormonal imbalance, etc. should be checked out.
She needs to be on the healthiest diet possible, and not one that will leave her hungry. That's the last thing she needs, is to starve herself.
If there is a sport or other physical activity that she used to like, it would be good if she could renew that enthusiasm.
Counseling is in order, too.
Good luck. I wish I could offer really great advice that would fix this for you.

Like others below, this reads to me like lingering depression or something that needs some professional help. By all means encourage her to get support, this isn't a way to live.

It may also be associated with the toxic notions that society seems to load on us - and in particular women, all the stuff about how the kids come first (at the expense of herself, your relationship and everyone, including the kids, having a good time!), the notion of material possessions and status, having a perfect house, career, a perfect body etc etc. A recipe for dissatisfaction and pain - trying to meet someone else's standards.

And all that is her issue, of course you can help and encourage, you can't change her. And you are right to come here, to take action yourself, because - I can witness - this can carry on years and years and do immense damage.

It is not OK to leave your needs on hold indefinitely (nor is it for her for herself). It doesn't work and is actually damaging for the kids. So, at some suitable moment, you could do with expressing what you want positively and not accepting BS.

You know, some of us can parent effectively and some of us can't.
It's way past time this be recognized.

You know, even mild depression can cause what doctors call agitation and the rest of us would call "being an a$$hole."
Get her to a psych doc...and have her fill this out?:

Perhaps her life feels overwhelming and out of control. A person who is angry all the time is not happy. Some women set themselves to be the perfect mother with the perfect body who can do it all and this is just not feasible. I agree with others here that she needs to see a doctor and find out the core of her anger. If she is willing to work on this problem, then all of your lives will benefit. The key is her willingness to address this. If she refuses then the ball is back in your court as to how much of this you can deal with in the future. In this case the old saying, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" holds true. I wish you the best. Peace,D

Quite possibly, she is going nuts due to her environment.

Getting her to the Doc to check that out would be a good move.

If she won't go, or, having gone, won't follow any advice she is offered, then you would be in the same position as any other spouse in a dysfunctional marriage as seen on these pages.

That ain't where you want to be, believe me.

Attempt to get her to the Docs as #1 on your to do list.

Hope to not see you here on this board again (for all the good reasons)

Tread your own path.